My girlfriend has autism: how can I help her?

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Hey,

this is my first message on this forum, so my apologies if I'm creating a double topic or something. The situation is this: my girlfriend has very recently been diagnosed with autism. We've been together for about 3,5 months, but I've known her for about 7 years before that. We have been friends, and best friends, for seven years, so I know her. The fact that it is now official that she has autism doesn't change the way I feel about her - I fell in love with her the way she is. I do want to know how I can help her, and if there are things I should be extra careful for. I have mental health issues myself along the lines of borderline, but not officially diagnosed. Our relationship hasn't been easy, and I want to know if there's anything I can do for her to make things easier.

Any thoughts would be hugely appreciated!

Accept her as she is.

Do give us more specific details about her and your relationship. Your message is general and it will probably get you only general answers. What are her specific impairments? What are the difficulties in your relationship that you feel are created by her autism? What kind of information would you like from us?

_________________
Probably 75% Aspie, 25% NT... and 100% ADHD

Aspie-quiz results:
Aspie score: 138 of 200 / NT score: 78 of 200 => Very likely an Aspie.

Educate yourself about ASD as much as you can and encourage her to do the same. A good book (albeit a kind of goofy title) is Aspergirls by Rudy Simone. Tony Attwood's The Complete Guide to Asperger's might be helpful, too.

Good for you for trying to be accepting and helpful, by the way.

@CockneyRebel: I do that

@Steven_Tyler77: She doesn't know any specifics yet, but will soon. I'll post them here as soon as I know them so I really know how to help her. About how it affects our relationship: I find it hard that she never talks about her feelings. She never tells me when something upsets her, but then does blame me afterwards. She doesn't express her emotions either. I can hardly tell how she feels about me at times, and that makes me feel insecure. There's also the fact that she can be really very offensive, or just say things that are hurtful, and she genuinely doesn't understand what is hurtful or offensive about them. And then she can be angry at me because I feel hurt. When I'm excited about something and I want to share it with her, she will be opposed to whatever it is I'm excited about and refuse to even occupy herself with it for two seconds - she doesn't like sharing at all. In fact, when I suggest something, I can be sure she'll be opposed to it, even though she'd like it if she discovered it on her own. If I tell her about a good movie I saw/good book I read that I know she'd enjoy too, she just doesn't seem to care at all. That makes me feel like she doesn't care about me or what matters to me. And when there are things we individually liked and discover we both like, she's bound to say she lost interest in it sooner rather than later. She says herself that she's possessive and refuses to share for that reason.

@blueroses: Thanks for the titles, I'll be sure to check them out next time I go to the library. I really want to be there for her!