NTs, what did you see in your Aspie partners?

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Although I'm not NT, I'm not definitely an aspie either, although I believe I probably am. Anyway, him indoors is an aspie. (the boyfriend)

These are some of the things I like about him:

He makes me laugh, a lot
He's intelligent
He's compassionate
Social justice matters to him
He questions conventional norms
He's not afraid to be himself
He sticks up for the vulnerable, but doesn't mollycoddle
He's easygoing. No drama, no arguments
He's not selfish
He's kind and gentle
He's generous (I don't mean financially, but in other ways)
He still surprises me
He doesn't expect me to be anything but myself, but also encourages me to improve my situation


There's lots more, but he might read this, and I don't want him to get a big(ger) head.

I'm the NT, my boyfriend is autistic.

First of all, I think he's absolutely gorgeous and he takes my breath away. Every single time I look at his bright blue eyes, or see his amazing smile, or hear his cute laugh, I think, "Wow, I am the luckiest girl in the world."

As far as his personality goes, he is smart but not arrogant - he knows so much more than I do, but he's never made me feel stupid about it and he's always willing to help me learn. He's incredibly sweet and sensitive to my moods & feelings, too. He's a gentle man - the first time I met him, I looked into his eyes and just instantly felt like this person would not hurt me.

He's a genuine friend to me and I feel like I can tell him anything. He is not romantic in the typical sense, the fairy tale movie kind of romance that other girls might like, but the little, meaningful things he says and does lets me know that he truly cares about me, and it just makes me melt inside. And he is so funny - my mood always perks up when I can see him, even if I've had the worst day ever. He's very unique and I love that - he's not afraid to be himself, even if some people don't "get it", and I think that's awesome. He's teaching me to just let my hair down and be myself, as well! And I admire his strength - he's gone through a lot in his life and has somehow managed to overcome all of it and grow into the person he is today. He's an inspiration to me.

I like his brutal honesty, actually - he doesn't give off any airs. If I ask him a question he will tell me the truth, even if it might upset me. He doesn't want to upset me, but he won't lie to me. There have been times when the things we've talked about did upset me, a lot, but later once I calmed down I deeply appreciated his honesty. He's the one person in the world that I know will tell me the truth and I don't ever question that.

He'll read this later so... I love you! I'm proud to be your girl! Xo

Honesty definitely is appealing even when it means that no flattering little white lies. But honesty and fidelity. Big plus is also lack of all manipulation and games.

(26 yr old NT in 1 year relationship with HIGHLY suspected Aspie, 29 yr male, working on diagnosis)

We met on okcupid. I messaged him because he was 1: REALLY handsome and 2: his profile wasn't pretentious. I live in Seattle, where all the guys feel like they have to be "so cool" and try to impress us with their guitar skills and what they like to read, and they try to act all macho and indifferent. When we met for our first date, I noticed right away that my guy wasn't like that at all. He was kind of shy and goofy. I could tell he was nervous and said "the wrong" things at times, but I thought it was sweet---I thought that HE thought I was so pretty that it made him nervous, and I was flattered. We spent the entire night together, a night I will never forget, and I have been smitten with him since. By the time I realized his nervousness and his inability to express his feelings verbally was part of something else---and not, in fact, because I was so pretty---it was too late. I was in love with him! Sure, it bothers me sometimes that I have to verbally ask for affection, or that he never expresses his happiness with me by doing NT boyfriend things (buying flowers, coming up with date plans, etc), I am always able to see his love in other ways. In the ways he shares his interests with me, mostly, and tells me things he doesn't share with others. He's always respectful and tries so hard to make me happy. I love SO much!

I'm an NT woman married to a guy who thought he might be Aspie when we met - I thought he was too, but after all these years together I actually don't think he is. He definitely has some traits, though. (I suspect he had picked up more Aspie-type behaviour from living with his father, who I'm almost certain *is* on the spectrum. I think he's changed a bit since being around NTs all the time! And possibly I have changed too, handling his traits better than I used to.)

Anyway, here's what I first liked about him when we got serious:

He didn't BS, and he didn't go in for macho nonsense - he just was who he was, long hair, mad beard, nerdy ways and all. I loved that. Still do.

He was ferociously intelligent, especially in areas like mathematics where I have to work my behind off to do more than just get by. I have massive respect for his abilities. But he's never made me feel stupid, and has equal respect for my talents, which are more centred on art and languages. He checks my tax return, and I check his reports for grammar and typos.

He was incredibly open-minded and just got on with people whoever they were. He didn't judge, or try to get one-up on anyone. He didn't always understand people, but he'd accept that he didn't understand and give them the benefit of the doubt rather than jump to nasty conclusions. He just didn't have a cruel bone in his body.

And he was so kind and considerate. Not in a fawning, slavish sort of way, and never with the slightest expectation that you would give him something in return - but he'd spontaneously offer to drive three hundred miles to help you out, just because he could see it would be useful and he genuinely didn't mind giving his time.

It helps that our interests mesh in a few key areas, and that we're otherwise both happy to do our own thing rather than try to change the other person. We work really well as a couple, and now as parents too. Also, he has a great bum.