How does an aspie male try to impress an NT girl?

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GlendaGoodWitch
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18 Jul 2012, 9:59 am

After months of staring and months of hi, good morning, my aspie male finally inititaed a converstaion which went really well. But then my second conversation went horribly wrong. I think he was trying to impress me (?) but eveything came out sounding like insults. And do you find yourselves mispronouncing words or names when you are nervous around a girl, evn if it's your particular interest?



jdanaya
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18 Jul 2012, 10:09 am

I used to, I can talk to most girls no problems until its about feelings, When its about feelings and emotions like asking out I tend to shut down, and its not that I am not interested its just I am scared of being rejected again, hurt, and really do not know how to tell if they like me.

But normal conversations, I am quite able to do.



Aspiedude2011
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18 Jul 2012, 10:13 am

My reasons are similar to Jdanaya, and sometimes what we say makes total sense in our heads but when the words leave out lips it's a train wreck. For guys on the spectrum it's hard to figure out what does or does not impress NT girls.



Aspiedude2011
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18 Jul 2012, 10:18 am

But from past experience (I've had 1 NT GF in the past, actually 1 GF period and it didn't last long) the best way (AS guys take notes) to impress a NT girl is to actually ask them out. There is no secret formula for how to do so, just do it. Look in a mirror and practice what your going to say and if you have some NT friends ask them if it sounds acceptable. And if they say no just use it as a lesson not a horrible experience. Trust me when I say there are a lot of girls out there who will accept you for who you are.



GlendaGoodWitch
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18 Jul 2012, 10:23 am

What about a scenario like this:

Last week was the first time my aspie approached and started a conversation. It went so well. But this week he was nervous again but did talk to me and everything he said came out like an insult. I tried to talk to hjim about sports. He was rather dismissive. Nervous? I dunno. Then I asked him what he did for a living. He told me fbi agent but it's not like it overtly came out like a tease. It was more like I was supposed to believe him or something. And I called him on it bc serously I wanted to know what he did for a living. He insisted fbi. I was like no, seroiously. Then he used the same tone to say he worked with kids and SATs and then stammered on about the SAT scandal and how that is good. I was like,"No, that's what i do. And the cheating scandal is hardly a good thiong." He insitsed that it ould keep me busy and I was like it creates unnecessary busywork to which he said that it would keep me emploiyed. I saw like the scandal hardly keeps us counselors employed, the kids needing us through the process does. I say,"Serioulsy, what do you do?" He replies fbi again. And the teasing wasn't overt. I was like (in my head) -- dude, let the fbi thing go? Why won't you just telll me what you do?" I'm like -- you are a business man. Then he tells me almost in defeat that he works at a hedgefund and gives me the company. I happily say, ok, thank you. Then he asks me if I know what a hedgefund is? I felt insulted, like I was a.) stupid to believe his fbi comment and b.) stupid I don;t know what a financial advisor does. Then he asks me if I have money and if so I should be investing that money is x,y,z rambling off these different accounts as he's walking away.

Anyone?



PTSmorrow
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18 Jul 2012, 10:24 am

[quote="GlendaGoodWitch"And do you find yourselves mispronouncing words or names when you are nervous around a girl, evn if it's your particular interest?[/quote]

Not only then, but in general. The worst failure in this respect were voice calls with an aspie woman lol. I had told her about my speech problems beforehand but after a few attempts to have a conversation she actually managed to ask me what strange kind of dialect i was speaking. Should i mention that this was our last conversation ever?

However, it's not about being nervous and all the speech therapy didn't really help it. Being tired makes it worse, though.



Aspiedude2011
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18 Jul 2012, 10:43 am

With him I'm not sure... It sounds rather weird even for someone with AS. But I guess I only know a few guys and they are higher functioning (me included) than most with AS.



Keeno
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18 Jul 2012, 11:00 am

I guess that confidence and being more in control would have impressed you more. That always helps.



muslimmetalhead
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18 Jul 2012, 11:08 am

Keeno wrote:
I guess that confidence and being more in control would have impressed you more. That always helps.


Helps your own self-esteem as well.


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