Parents don't believe in dating.

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Aspiedude2011
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18 Jul 2012, 2:40 pm

So I'm 19 with diagnosed AS and I have a huge crush on a girl I know who also has AS. She's one of the nicest girls I've ever met and she seems interested in me (I posted another thing on it in "misinterpreting"). But my parents don't believe in dating or that I'm ready to date even though I've shown a lot of maturity. I'm convinced that they'll forbid it until I'm 30. When I talked to them about this it causes problems and they say that if I don't follow their rules of having a chaperone and never spending alone time with a girl then I can leave. It's rediculous because it's not like I'm trying to get in this girls pants or anything. I'm just looking for a meaningful relationship. I'm going off to college in September but if I don't make a move before then I'm afraid I'll lose out an an amazing girl... Any advice?



Delphiki
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18 Jul 2012, 2:42 pm

Your 18 or over, don't see why it matters to them now.


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Aspiedude2011
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18 Jul 2012, 2:46 pm

It shouldn't. But it does and it matters to me because I don't have my own car or my own place so if they kick me out (this has been threatened for years) then I'm screwed. We have a couple more times I'll see her set up before college so I'm thinking of telling her in the next month how I feel... I just don't know how to make myself happy and my parents.



ShamelessGit
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18 Jul 2012, 2:47 pm

..



Sweetleaf
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18 Jul 2012, 2:48 pm

Well in all honesty I would look into moving out than....I mean you are over 18, I mean your parents cannot legally forbid you from dating till you are 30 that is ridiculous. They need to either lay off and let you have a life or you should do everything in your power to get out of their house so you don't have to deal with their BS.

Also are you going to be staying in a dorm in college? they cannot monitor your every move there :twisted:....as for making a move well do you 'have' to tell your parents if you make a move and if the girl likes you and things do work out maybe you could tell her your parents wont support you if you date and maybe the two of you could figure out living arrangements at some point. But I don't know how things would go...the main point is your parents do not have legal authority over you if you're over 18 unless you've been declared incompetent by the state. Maybe your parents forgot to inform you of this?


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Sweetleaf
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18 Jul 2012, 2:50 pm

Aspiedude2011 wrote:
It shouldn't. But it does and it matters to me because I don't have my own car or my own place so if they kick me out (this has been threatened for years) then I'm screwed. We have a couple more times I'll see her set up before college so I'm thinking of telling her in the next month how I feel... I just don't know how to make myself happy and my parents.


Also no offense but why worry about making your parents happy if they don't give a damn about your happiness? I can understand not having a car and your own place, that is hard.....but there are probably some options.


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Aspiedude2011
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18 Jul 2012, 2:53 pm

Yeah. If she's interested in me and she understands then it shouldn't be an issue.



Aspiedude2011
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18 Jul 2012, 2:58 pm

Yeah I'll be in a dorm. But as I said I'm not tryin to get into her pants.



nolan1971
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18 Jul 2012, 3:02 pm

Absolutely look for an apartment! You should be able to date as you please with the exception of what happens in your parents home that is different. I was allowed to date at 15 the only rule was when she came over to my parents home we could not
be in my room with the door closed. Outside the house we could do as we pleased!
Go for it! That first date was awesome and she eventually became my wife!
Good Luck!! !! !! ! :D



Sweetleaf
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18 Jul 2012, 3:07 pm

Aspiedude2011 wrote:
Yeah I'll be in a dorm. But as I said I'm not tryin to get into her pants.


Oh I know that, but I am saying if you did have her over even just to talk your parents wouldn't know...though dorm rooms are kinda cramped so it would probably be more fun to meet somewhere else.


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18 Jul 2012, 3:10 pm

Is it that your parents don't believe in dating for religious reasons, or that they don't believe in you dating because they think you are not mature enough? While I don't support your parent's position, I'm sure they do care about your happiness and misguidedly believe that this is the best thing.

If it's a religious thing then you are stuck with that, and while you are under their roof and being supported by them you will have to comply. Could your reach some sort of compromise and meet this girl somewhere public with your parents nearby but not within earshot?

If this is a maturity issue then it seems a little odd that they are prepared for you to leave for college where you will be free to do a lot more than meet a girl without a chaperone!. All you can do is keep demonstrating your maturity, sometimes it takes a little time for parents to let their children go, especially if that child has needed extra support throughout their childhood.

Let this girl know that you like her and go from there, I hope you find a way to make it work.



Sweetleaf
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18 Jul 2012, 3:17 pm

SilkySifaka wrote:
Is it that your parents don't believe in dating for religious reasons, or that they don't believe in you dating because they think you are not mature enough? While I don't support your parent's position, I'm sure they do care about your happiness and misguidedly believe that this is the best thing.

If it's a religious thing then you are stuck with that, and while you are under their roof and being supported by them you will have to comply. Could your reach some sort of compromise and meet this girl somewhere public with your parents nearby but not within earshot?

If this is a maturity issue then it seems a little odd that they are prepared for you to leave for college where you will be free to do a lot more than meet a girl without a chaperone!. All you can do is keep demonstrating your maturity, sometimes it takes a little time for parents to let their children go, especially if that child has needed extra support throughout their childhood.

Let this girl know that you like her and go from there, I hope you find a way to make it work.


No offense but religious or not the comment 'you can either follow the rules(not dating till 30) or leave' does not sound too much like giving a care about the OPs happiness. Also I personally do not believe religious oppression is good parenting especially if they are trying to control their 19 year olds personal life that's borderline harassment by legal standards.

Sounds more like they want their authority obeyed than that they care, however that only my impression.


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SilkySifaka
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18 Jul 2012, 3:27 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
SilkySifaka wrote:
Is it that your parents don't believe in dating for religious reasons, or that they don't believe in you dating because they think you are not mature enough? While I don't support your parent's position, I'm sure they do care about your happiness and misguidedly believe that this is the best thing.

If it's a religious thing then you are stuck with that, and while you are under their roof and being supported by them you will have to comply. Could your reach some sort of compromise and meet this girl somewhere public with your parents nearby but not within earshot?

If this is a maturity issue then it seems a little odd that they are prepared for you to leave for college where you will be free to do a lot more than meet a girl without a chaperone!. All you can do is keep demonstrating your maturity, sometimes it takes a little time for parents to let their children go, especially if that child has needed extra support throughout their childhood.

Let this girl know that you like her and go from there, I hope you find a way to make it work.


No offense but religious or not the comment 'you can either follow the rules(not dating till 30) or leave' does not sound too much like giving a care about the OPs happiness. Also I personally do not believe religious oppression is good parenting especially if they are trying to control their 19 year olds personal life that's borderline harassment by legal standards.

Sounds more like they want their authority obeyed than that they care, however that only my impression.


No, that's not ideal but every parent has their boundaries and unfortunately for the OP those are theirs. I think they are foolish but I'm sure that they genuinely believe that any unhappiness they cause by not allowing the OP to date will be worth it compared to the consequences (as they view them) of dating or having sex before marriage. It's not a logical position or a fair one and it isn't the way I'd raise my kids but I imagine that they have put quite a lot of thought into their position. If the OP wants to go against their wishes then he is free to do that when he is at college, but not under their roof when they are supporting him. It would be a shame for the OP to end up estranged from his parents if it can possibly be avoided - once he is at college they may mellow a little, and even if they don't, the OP can still have a relationship with them whilst keeping them arms length from his personal life.



Aspiedude2011
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18 Jul 2012, 5:24 pm

It sucks. But overall I don't see much choice.



Aspiedude2011
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18 Jul 2012, 6:31 pm

I think it's because my dad just loves to control people to fit within his mold of what's acceptable. And my mom just doesn't want me to be like her with a kid at 18.



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18 Jul 2012, 10:47 pm

Are they concerned about you getting her knocked up, or that your not able to handle the relationship?