Should I start looking?

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My mom passed away a few years ago; my friend has kids and a fiancé, and my dad is getting old. Should I start looking for a mate? I remember painful teasing from years back, constantly criticize my looks, and am not really even interested in any of the physical aspects of a relationship. I just want a companion, someone who won't leave me or hurt me. Experience tells me that most men just don't understand women deeply enough to really care about them or to be able to relate. I'm not sure what I should do. Even masculinity in general kind of intimidates me.

Hey kmb501.

Whether you're in a romantic relationship or even a friendship, you're bound to get hurt by others sometimes intentionally and other times unintentionally (eg miscommunication etc). The same applies to you too: you're capable of hurting others. But hopefully, what you can garner from this experience is growth and maturity. If you're not ready to take the next step/afraid of the potential negative consequences, then maybe consider getting a pet, like a dog or cat.

Well, pets are great, and I agree that they can be an oddly good way to meet people. I've thought about taking up dog and cat training and getting licensed in it as a side hobby. Maybe I could meet a friend through that. Long-term friendships are great, but people don't seem to respect those kinds of partnerships as much as other forms of intimate relationships.

Although I really think the baggage of having a spouse of some kind might almost equal the benefit, maybe I should start looking. The question for me, though, is how should I go about that? Like I said earlier, men don't really do anything for me. I might be attracted to the way someone looks, but, being a woman, I look at a person's personality first. Plus, I guess I've just gotten bad ideas about marriage in general. People breed, raise children they can't afford, get into abusive relationships; the whole system seems corrupt. I would rather a middle-of-the-road partnership that didn't include the strings that often come with sex. That might eventually be a spouse, depending on temperament, but right now it looks a lot more like a really close friend.

My husband ran off and left behind me and his dog. I kept his dog and she has never run off or abused me and she is a great listener. Therefore I would recommend getting a dog. Also, people stop to pet her and comment on her all the time because she's cute, so presumably I could make some friends this way if I actually liked talking to people.

I don't agree that this is true, but even if it is, most men is not all men. I'd bet it is possible to find one who does care deeply about you, perhaps just not easy. I've become really good at filtering out unsuitable partners and identifying the ones with potential, but that is partly through going on lots of dates and getting a really good feel for how it all works (how certain people present themselves compared to others, etc.). It would be very hard to find a good partner without allowing the risk of dating some less suitable ones first (and yeah, maybe getting hurt in the process).


What about women, are you attracted to them?


There are many couples who have loving, committed, long-term relationships without including marriage or children. Finding a close companion doesn't necessarily mean you have to marry them or reproduce with them.


And similarly, sex does not have to complicate things. Often it simply strengthens the bond with someone. If sex isn't for you, I don't think that has to be a dealbreaker for a successful relationship. I know next to nothing about asexuality, but there seems to be quite a lot of people in asexual relationships...it would obviously just be harder to find an asexual partner than one who wanted to include this type of intimacy in the relationship.


My conclusion: If you can feel comfortable with the risk of getting hurt in the process, yes, you may as well start looking. You'll almost certainly not find what you want by not looking. Be curious and open-minded about different options and see where it takes you. It might take you somewhere unexpected and amazing.

There's probably some Aspie guys on here who would be looking for something similar if you were interested in trying to meet a guy on here.

You don't have to if you don't want to. The type of relationship you described sounds similar to what I am looking for in a relationship. I don't really care about sex. I want a best friend (companionship and support). I don't know how old you are, but it seems like to me that the older you are, the more likely you are to find someone who really appreciates companionship and doesn't try to complicate things. They just want to be friends. People mature as they get older.