I've never had a girlfriend!! !!

Page 1 of 2 [ 27 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Roninninja
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 15 Apr 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 191

02 Jul 2012, 12:06 am

Just as the title states, I've never had a girlfriend before.

I just can't ever seal the deal. I have AS, but I don't necessarily blame my condition... I blame my inability to pick up signals that a girl is interested. I'm not a bad looking guy and I try to keep in shape, so it doesn't have to do with my appearance (fortunately enough!)
I just always assume a girl is just being nice, and has no interest in going out. My friends always tell me things like "That girl was totally into you.... why didn't you ask for her number?"

This has happened to me with practically every girl I thought I might have a chance with! I always get just about enough courage to ask her out, then I either chicken out, or just plain conclude that she's not interested and i'll just make a fool of myself. Have an of you ever experienced anything like this at all, or am I alone on this one?


_________________
Your Aspie score: 159 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 51 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


Delphiki
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2012
Age: 182
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,415
Location: My own version of reality

02 Jul 2012, 12:08 am

Roninninja wrote:
Just as the title states, I've never had a girlfriend before.

I just can't ever seal the deal. I have AS, but I don't necessarily blame my condition... I blame my inability to pick up signals that a girl is interested. I'm not a bad looking guy and I try to keep in shape, so it doesn't have to do with my appearance (fortunately enough!)
I just always assume a girl is just being nice, and has no interest in going out. My friends always tell me things like "That girl was totally into you.... why didn't you ask for her number?"

This has happened to me with practically every girl I thought I might have a chance with! I always get just about enough courage to ask her out, then I either chicken out, or just plain conclude that she's not interested and i'll just make a fool of myself. Have an of you ever experienced anything like this at all, or am I alone on this one?
I almost feel like you are joking of course you are not the only one.


_________________
Well you can go with that if you want.


1000Knives
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,036
Location: CT, USA

02 Jul 2012, 12:26 am

Yep, everyone on Wrongplanet.net has had like at least 3 dozen girlfriends since the age of 12 since people with Aspergers are such huge players. I got like 4 right now.



DogsWithoutHorses
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,146
Location: New York

02 Jul 2012, 1:01 am

3 dozen pshh , I've had like 8 dozen girlfriends. Like sometimes I wake up and think "do I have too many girlfriends?"and then I'm like "nahh" and I pick up a couple more on my way to work. Like I have so many girlfriends no one can take a shower because it's full up to the ceiling with 1/2 empty shampoo bottles.

in all seriousness
romantic inexperience is not abnormal , I don't know how old you are but this is especially true for young people
until I started dating, I thought I would never get the chance to because clearly there was something wrong with me, I totally gave up on it and figured it was just for other people...so the first time someone did show enough interest in me for me to pick up on it I was crazy stupid happy.
Once I experienced how awesome that kind of connection can feel (sometimes) I found it a lot easier to be more proactive and less anxious.

I think it might help with the anxiety if you weigh the potential gain against the potential loss.
The worst that can happen is that she'll say no, or maybe be a little rude. You might get embarrassed or have your feelings hurt. Which isn't nothing, getting hurt or rejected sucks, but you won't die, you'll recover.

The best that can happen is that you get to have some great times with someone you really like and have fun with.

It can take some practice to get good at asking people out, and it takes some luck too. But if you never try, if you let a fear of skinned knees and failure keep you from trying, you'll never learn to ride that bicycle.


_________________
If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don?t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth.


redrobin62
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Apr 2012
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,009
Location: Seattle, WA

02 Jul 2012, 3:57 am

<--- Has 15 dozen girlfriends which he has to beat off with a stick.



hkmxmc
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 6
Location: MY

02 Jul 2012, 4:51 am

I guess for people like us, I would advice to go slow. start as a friend. always be there for that person. then slowly became braver (self improvement, maybe).

Me? I'm married for 1 year++. Still am :)
I started to be her friend. Then I get to know more about each other.
I showed a little hint that I like her, even though she was taken.
I'm not good with speech, so i wrote her a few poems. Some love poems, some broken heart poem because she was taken by that time.
we had a little bit of on and off. it took years for us to proceed to the next level (meet the parents).

alternatives for poem could be some sort of art such as photoshop stuff or maybe actual drawing. i think, singing could also work.

be strong. you may find yourself the right person at the right time.
every rejection should make you stronger.



PastFixations
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Sep 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,735

02 Jul 2012, 5:03 am

The number of girlfriends I have is greater than the average IQ of WP.
Congrats if you found irony twice in this post.


_________________
www.wrongplanet.net/postp5013377.html&h ... t=#5013377

Sora: "My friends are my power."

Ventus: "I'm asking you as a friend. Just... put an end to me."


Shau
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2009
Age: 165
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,270

02 Jul 2012, 5:22 am

I managed to get a few of my sister's friends to show me their flirty faces and body movements and such once, so that I could analyze them. You'd be surprised how readily girls will do it for you when you act honest but confident about it.


_________________
Someone call for the Dakta?


The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 43
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,451
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

02 Jul 2012, 5:31 am

Roninninja wrote:
Just as the title states, I've never had a girlfriend before.

I just can't ever seal the deal. I have AS, but I don't necessarily blame my condition... I blame my inability to pick up signals that a girl is interested. I'm not a bad looking guy and I try to keep in shape, so it doesn't have to do with my appearance (fortunately enough!)
I just always assume a girl is just being nice, and has no interest in going out. My friends always tell me things like "That girl was totally into you.... why didn't you ask for her number?"

This has happened to me with practically every girl I thought I might have a chance with! I always get just about enough courage to ask her out, then I either chicken out, or just plain conclude that she's not interested and i'll just make a fool of myself. Have an of you ever experienced anything like this at all, or am I alone on this one?



HOW OLD ARE YOU?

This is the most important info.



goodiesguy
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jan 2012
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 73
Location: New Zealand

02 Jul 2012, 10:25 am

Single here, and intending to stay single too.



Kurgan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Apr 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,132
Location: Scandinavia

02 Jul 2012, 4:17 pm

Henry Rollins wrote:
A thousand miles an hour going nowhere fast
clinging to the details of your past
talking `bout your damages and your wasting my time
wanna be the king of pain, stand in line
all the numbers and the colours and the facts
backed by the rumours and the figures and the stats
I think I`m gonna download my mind


@OP:
I've been in the exact same situation. Today, I've had one-night stands, a few short-term relationships and a long-term relationship. This happened when I stopped believing the textbook consolation sh*t on how you should "just be yourself and when you least expect it the woman of your dreams is gonna fall from the sky and land on your dick--because stuff like that 'just happens'".

I'll assume that you're an American; in Western-Europe and Northern-America, men make the first move. This designated standard sucks, but complaining about it won't get you anywhere. I still mess things up on first-dates and have problems keeping a girl interested, but I've improved a lot since I lost my virginity less than three years ago and I manage to get laid somewhat regularly.

Good luck! :)



Homer_Bob
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jan 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,562
Location: New England

02 Jul 2012, 5:32 pm

That is pretty much the life story for most of us. The biggest problem with us is letting someone know how we feel about them. Our inability to act is what alienates us from dating. It's frustrating because there's not much time. If we don't act quick someone else always will. I certainly know.


_________________
"The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. The best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes."


Roninninja
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 15 Apr 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 191

02 Jul 2012, 7:08 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Roninninja wrote:
Just as the title states, I've never had a girlfriend before.

I just can't ever seal the deal. I have AS, but I don't necessarily blame my condition... I blame my inability to pick up signals that a girl is interested. I'm not a bad looking guy and I try to keep in shape, so it doesn't have to do with my appearance (fortunately enough!)
I just always assume a girl is just being nice, and has no interest in going out. My friends always tell me things like "That girl was totally into you.... why didn't you ask for her number?"

This has happened to me with practically every girl I thought I might have a chance with! I always get just about enough courage to ask her out, then I either chicken out, or just plain conclude that she's not interested and i'll just make a fool of myself. Have an of you ever experienced anything like this at all, or am I alone on this one?



HOW OLD ARE YOU?

This is the most important info.


I am in my early 20's. I have a lot of trouble knowing when to make my move. I'm afraid of the humiliation I might suffer if I get a negative response. I also have a hard time keeping a conversation going as well. I find it troubling having remote conversations, especially on topics or subjects I know nothing about. I often get tongue tied when asked my opinion on a common life experience. Also, I have a hard time detecting sarcasm, I always take things literally.

I too have just stopped trying. I have tried to convince myself that I don't need a relationship, but I know deep down i'm lying to myself.

Do any WP girls have any advice on what girls want guys to talk about? Any advice would help!


_________________
Your Aspie score: 159 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 51 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


edgewaters
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Aug 2006
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,427
Location: Ontario

02 Jul 2012, 8:12 pm

You can play it cautious and go slow - get to know someone, build a friendship first. That can work, and it's relatively safe, so long as you don't have any expectations or get all desperate. You have to look at a relationship as a bonus or extra if you're doing this.

Or you can try to do what most people do, which is contort yourself into an unnatural personality, go real fast, get rejected a lot, hook up with people you know nothing about when you aren't bombing out, have a series of brief and unsuccesful relationships, and grow to resent the other gender. It'll get you laid more, though.



bizboy1
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Mar 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 945
Location: California, USA

03 Jul 2012, 12:20 am

I've never had a girlfriend. I've been so obsessed with school that I've always told myself after I get a high paying job then I'll look for some women. Hasn't been going well.



hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

03 Jul 2012, 12:24 am

Roninninja wrote:
Do any WP girls have any advice on what girls want guys to talk about? Any advice would help!

we mostly talk about the same things as guys, depending on our interests. for example... my brother-in-law (possible aspie) is extremely interested in cars, so luckily he found a girlfriend who loves to talk about cars. often a couple takes time to get to know what interests they have in common (just like new friends who DIDN'T meet at a club of some kind), so they try talking about all sorts of things until they find overlap.


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105