I think I know what it is about me that's putting off

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I think I'm far too intense and extreme with those feelings I get that it probably comes out as clingy or desperate...
You either don't love them or you love them too much...
Maybe I need to know how to control it better (if at all...) Problem is I don't know how or even where to start...
I know that this is the problem because it becomes an immediate response to when attraction strikes... all those intense feelings are there... possibly it comes off as strange.
My mood is mellow at the moment but I'll come around and out of it.

You know, I find it hard to control my feelings too, and have had issues in the past controlling my feelings of attraction for others. I have had one person say to me before that it did scare them. It is not hard to relate to at all.

I agree aspiemike.
I mean love is a bit like water... you do get wet sure but nobody wants to drown.

I agree aspiemike.
I mean love is a bit like water... you do get wet sure but nobody wants to drown.

Being upfront about your feelings when your not in a relationship or just beginning one can come out as extremely forward especially from us Aspies because we tend to be a lot more direct than what NTs are used to. Also some NTs are expecting or wanting to play that hard to get thing because it's about the thrill of the chase or whatever & being upfront about liking them or being attracted to them puts them off guard or kills their fun/attraction. Gradually progressing to being more upfront about your feelings after you & your partner are in a relationship & get closer & more comfortable together is a lot more normal to NTs & probably what lots would be more comfortable with. There are exceptions thou. Me & my girlfriend are; she messaged me after reading a lot of my posts here telling me she was interested & shortly after we we both admitted we we really liked each other. I'm an Aspie who's very direct & needy & clingy within a relationship & she's possibly an Aspie(least not NT) who's straightforward & very obsessive which includes being clingy & needy so it works for us. Perhaps you can find a woman who is an exception & comparable to you with that but I don't have any tips on how because it was more luck & chance for us.

I can apply this behavior to my own black and white thinking - are you in or are you out?
I'm referring specifically to the rock band I was in. The other members said they were interested in making it big. Fine. I know the tools and discipline that's needed. Let's put them into action. In the end, I was the only one really interested in making it big. Hey, they said they wanted to, but they didn't really. This must be an aspie trait I don't quite get. Oh well. Another band bites the dust.

I tend not to have this problem because I'm always using my rational mind, even when infatuated. I can be really into someone, but I always remind myself that I barely know them, and that I'm going to find out things about them that I don't like, or that otherwise change the way I feel. So I am okay with holding off on letting them know how I feel until I know how I feel.

So you can use your logical Aspie mind to your advantage here.

I've found it's better for me to keep my feelings to myself and let it happen naturally and organically - there is a kind of steps and timing that play an important part in the beginning. From experience, it's better to mirror them and just let things happen as they will, often after a good length of time if both the people are reciprecating, then one telling the other isn't really a problem.

When someone just says that they like someone without letting it develop first, that can be awkward. Not always, but much of the time.

Telling people straight up seems to scare them or put them off (just from my personal observations). Certainly with NT's that seems to be the reaction.
It also seems that those who are so quick to like or love someone are equally as fast to lose interest or fall out of love with someone. It seem to be a quick burn, and often they end up having liked lots of people. So maybe they suspect that to be the case if you are too quick to like someone without getting to know them properly or let it develop first.

*cough*Autie*cough* Though that's not a bad idea...

Sorry, same kind of mind though

Yeah, something like that

I had someone who was obsessed with me once...

I think that made me kind of the jealous type so to speak...but I am not really that forward about my feelings as I can't trust people that they'll respect it.

Nothing wrong with showing yourself open, but I guess some people see it as a sign of weakness (or exploiting it).

The best you can do is not be 100% trusting to people you like a lot...as you end up getting hurt when they find it too much to bear.

I think that NT's have the same feelings we do, they are just better at controlling how they express them. I'd suggest that you not express them to the person you are attracted to for a while and vent to a friend about them instead. I've noticed that NT's play hard to get a lot more often than we do, although when they are drunk they tend to let it slip how they really feel.

Before you say or do anything with a new romance, stop and ask yourself if it's a good idea. If you have even the tiniest bit of doubt, make yourself wait and sleep on it before saying anything. You can always say it tomorrow, but you can't take it back once you've said it. Unless they are drunk and don't remember.

Lack of self confidence, odd body language, and lack of eye contact.

That's what it is. That's what it always is.

Not always. You can learn to fake self confidence until you actually get it, learn to fake the body language and learn to make eye contact and even learn to flirt and make small talk. If you come on too strong at first though, that's still going to be a problem. I think we tend to just say what we think and feel without analyzing it's appropriateness. That's why I suggest waiting before you say or do anything that could come across as "too soon" or "too much".

Pickup artists always come on too strong. It is part of what they do. And it works remarkably well, doesn't it?

For aspie boys the issues are those I stated. Yes add general lack of social skills to it, but from those fall out the more pressing problems that are so immediately obvious to women.

I'm an outsider looking in so I could be wrong about this of course. If I am, please tell me how and where.