What have I got to give?

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I often (almost daily) think about dating, having a girlfriend, and the like. Then I think, what have I got to offer that others don't? The answer I come up with after much deliberating is, simply put: nothing. I can't feel "bonds" with other people, with the exception of my grandma and my birds. I have a different kind of "bond" with the few good friends I have, but that's not the same as "love". When talking to my friends on the phone or in real life, I barely have anything to say, be it meaningful or otherwise. What would I do with a girlfriend? I'm not interesting, have nothing to be confident in, have nothing to talk about, and have no real motivation to move forward in life.

Anyone else feel this way?

Well, one of the girls I was interested in had a lot in common with me. We never spoke for the sake of speaking but we joked around and just had stuff in common. I could mock things I thought I was the only one who felt and she would laugh.

I find that I'm looking for understanding. Maybe if you would like someone who understands you?

I do nothing, well, did - I took up guitar and psychology to fill my time. It helps me rid of negative thinking

The thing you have to offer that others don't is yourself, plain and simple.

And myself is not something others are interested in. Plus I don't think it helps that I live in a small town that's about an hour drive to the nearest "somewhere", and I don't drive nor do I plan to, mainly for reasons beyond my control. There's not really any place to socialize in my town, except bars (but I can't stand alcohol and I'm too young to drink).

Gotta love the literal thinking, sigh.

First off, clearly you haven't met the right "other" and as you're what 20? i'd say there's still hope.

Second, so what if you live in a small town that only has a couple of bars that you don't frequent, the universe is vast and yours is as a big as you make it, translation, get out more, whether literally or metaphorically. There are loads of dating sites on the internet, even some specifically for aspies etc, if you stick around long enough Alex will probably try and talk you into joining one.

Oh, and as for the driving, i wouldn't worry about that, there are loads of people who can't drive. Luckily it's not really a big deal as there are various adequate, though occasionally unpleasent, modes of transportation available.

I feel this way sometimes. I would suggest moving to the closest big city (if you're old enough of course). It sounds like you're stuck in what I call a "loop of introspection" in which you have nothing but the same thoughts going through your head. You need new experiences. As for girlfriends, once you have one there is not a lot you need to offer other than kindness. Find one that talks a lot and you won't have to worry about being interesting all the time.

heh.

you just gotta wait for God to deliver, and when he does, it will be worth your wait.

Believe me, I've been trying.


I've tried dating sites, and the aspie ones have very few women on them (and the ones that are there are either out of the "acceptable" age range and/or live too far away.


Women tend to mainly like people who can drive. I guess they like someone else taking them places or something.


That's usually not seen as a positive thing.


I highly doubt any "god" gives anyone anything. And if there is, from my experience there always seems to be a catch.


I'm not very good at being independent. If I had the money and support I'd gladly move, but the thing is neither of those requirements are likely to be there.


Not much to experience that I'm interested in, and the things I am interested in don't have too many female admirers.


They like more than just kindness. Ever wonder why people often say the arrogant jerks get the girls?


I can't stand people who talk a lot.

Yellowbird. you sound like a very depressing person........and that is not an insult, that's just my way of wondering more about you. see I'm a psychologist type person, and I love analzying people, any moment that I can get.

it seems to me that you're slightly depressed over this, and it seems to be an all consuming thing. that is a vedy vedy vedy(any more and I think you get the picture) bad thing. At this point, i would suggest going to a councilor and talking about these things.

I totally know what your saying, its that feeling like even if you do have anything interesting about yourself those things aren't on the fine-edged straight-and-narrow of what women seem to enjoy or feel any identity with. I tend not to be a huge talker myself, or at least I'm on and off with it, and yeah I can be witty but I'm kinda like that semi-shy guy who everyone else's unhampered act can outshine hands down any day of the week in terms of leading the party. In that last sense its pretty disheartening to be having a conversation with a girl, feeling your catching her interest, and then realizing that the conversations that she has with almost any other guy are so much more dynamic and seem so much more comfortable like she's having more fun talking to them than what you could really offer. I think Melancholy's right though, our past experiences probably have us hypercritical of ourselves and the one thing I've noticed with the help of alcohol is that the more I self-monitor and self-check the worse that seems to get in the way in and of itself. As for all the follow up dates, the spending time together, and all that, no idea what to tell you because things can flake out on the drop of a dime - I guess the best advice I can give is just have fun and don't take it too seriously.

I'm unequivocally NOT an expert on this sort stuff and feel hesitant too offer advice but I have spent abit of time observing NT's and have had a longterm SO before so i'll just say this.

If you don't believe that you have nothing to offer, it's doubtful anyone else will either. Sure it's possible that someone will see the real you and how much it's worth, even through all the barriers you put up and despite the fact that you try to hide the real you from the world (i'm assuming you do these things). But that's kinda like expecting people too be able too accurately guess how many jelly beans are in the jar at the county fair.

It's possible but it's far more likely if you give them a helping hand. Of course it sounds like you don't believe you have anything worth showing... i don't know you but i find this unlikely. Sure you might be different but there will be someone out there that is like you and likes you for what you are. Like seriously dude, Michael Jackson has been married, that's gotta give everyone else hope. You just got to be yourself. And be proud of it, so that they can too.

ps:- If you figure out how please let us all know. ;P

Girls talk a lot. Often they like a good listener

And yes, I felt that way too. But its OK and there are lots of girls that like things about AS traits.

Ahh....so in other words he needs to date a Gemini .

I have the opposite problem!

Ughhh, the story of my life. I like what you say next though:



I always try not to think when conversing with members of the opposite sex, and drinking a little is the only thing that makes that possible. Not too much though, you still want to retain some semblance of control.

Yeah, being wack drunk will make em giggle but kinda for the wrong reasons (and even if they're giggling in attraction rather than at you they're probably thinking your the kind of ADHD thugged out NT who's that beligerent and mash-mouthed sober; not the case and it'll really let em down hard when they realize that). Right now I see at work though how many of the same girls will really glow and smile at me at certain times, give me some rather saddened looks at others, and from that I really understand something further about myself - when I think about how I feel about even being in a relationship my insecurities really hold me at bay. Its like I learned to act normal so that I could have people's respect, get treated the way I wanted to be treated, and be able to enjoy my life. When people actually do like you though and want into your private life though I find that its not as bad for platonic friends but when someone actually likes-likes you its hell - you know that if you let them in they'll see it and even if they don't pull an about face and leave you, even if they still like you, you're too ashamed of it to accept their interest at that point (ie. in my case I really hope for full-on normal relationships and to have the conversation and mood feel like its 2 NT's playing around, shooting the banter, but it gets jammed and akward to where its not quite as bad but almost more toward Emily Watson and Adam Sandler in Punch Drunk Love - you can probably see how that would make me kinda ill).