Lonely... but...

Post Reply New Topic

I'm very lonely, but the victim of a shattered heart, and unsure where to go or what to do. On one hand, I want to meet someone. On the other, I have no interest in going through that again. It's been more than a year since the last girl that broke my heart, but she wasn't the first. When I fall in love, I always fall so completely, and girls don't generally like that. The last one I was more cautious with, even reluctant to call it a relationship. She liked my passionate side where all my other girlfriends have been scared off by it. They've all broken my heart in one way or another, but the last one was different, because we were perfect together, and she left me because she became afraid... mostly of having autistic children, but there were other issues.

This fear of autism that people seem to have, it needs to change, but until it does, I'm not sure I can have an honest relationship with anyone, ever, even if I do want one. I'm not sure I can risk my heart again in the same way, because it still hurts. I don't know what I'm doing.

Poor baby! Maybe your former gf's expected a man as bf, not a sissy. I mean, seriously, if you make such a fuss around what you call a shattered heart, which woman would actually want you--Mother Teresa? Or perhaps a motherly nurse with helper syndrome?

Hi!

I understand the difficulty of your situation.
PTSmorrow, I understand very well you point of view!

Well, I am surely not an expert in that field, but as a "counter-example" which you don't have to follow, I am single since 2006!! ! So what do you think?! I have known broken heart, etc..., and very weird NT girlfriends!... I mean, I really don't know how but every single time a used to date with someone, she was alcoholic or suicidal or psychopath and so on.... Well the list would be so long, very long.

So now, what I am supposed to do? That's YOUR question, and (with this post) MINE too

Unfortunately, I have no magical answer, no trick, nothing! maybe that's why I am single
Anyway, do not be discouraged!! !

My post is useless, I know, but when I read yours I said to myself: GO GO GO ! !!

I hope anyone else will have any idea to help you.

*shakes head*

This is exactly the type of post that isn't needed.

All I can tell you, OP, is that there is some form of hope. I didn't believe it for the longest time, but now I do. I was kicked into the grounds by tons of girls over the past decade or more. It's not fun and each one drives you closer to despair. But if and when you DO find someone, you feel that many times better, almost like you've been reborn.

What is wrong with you? I'm here, anonymously, looking for help, not cynical judgement. I am experiencing a genuine crisis in regards to being alone, and meeting some, but I can assure you I am no "sissy". It's people like you that remind me that I needn't bother, that the world is my problem, that your decision to take time out of your busy schedule to write something like that is my problem. I would be better off smashing my face against a wall than asking for help with "help" like yours.

You're lucky this is the Internet. I used to be quite timid, and felt small because of arsewipes like you. But I've copped it so much, because I've been able to get in touch with my emotions and needs, that your type hardly concerns me anymore, and I've broken enough teeth out of the faces of people like you that I know I am absolutely not this "sissy" you speak of.

But perhaps I've come to the wrong place. I was told that here, I would at least find someone anonymous to talk to, someone I wouldn't feel like I was "burdening with my problems," as I so often do when I bring this stuff up with people I care about. So it just never comes up. But this is the downside I was concerned about.

And with bitter old w*kers like you in the world, I'm probably better off alone and keeping my own company.

I was also quite passionate with my ex, but got dumped in the end, and now it's been 2 years, still trying to date, but I'm also scared of being hurt again if I do find someone.

I am also lonely-very lonely and feel abandoned by people I know and I have a hard time making friends and recently have been unfriended so that kind of hurt quite a bit-long story-but I am trying also and not having any luck at all-I wish it was easier ad I would also love to know the secret-anyway do not let one persons comments sour you to wrong planet-there are a lot of good people here and it can be very helpful when looking for advice that is what I do and it helps although I have been criticized for asking for help on here because I had no one else to ask why I was feeling the way I felt-long story also.

I've read several of your posts since joining wrong planet, and you're kind of a jerk.

OP: I'd say try to find some grounding in yourself first - ie. know who you are well enough not to fall head over heels easily. From there find what's right for you rather than what's just physically/emotionally available. What you can get isn't always what you should want.

good advice

Is the all or nothing thing typical of aspies? I know I do it, as has every male in my family before me. They all marry too young.

There's a great website called the "Master Dater" He talks about how important it is for each person in a couple to not give away all their power to their partner. Its SO un-sexy! By the same token, its dysfunctional to not be vulnerable and open at all either. Its all about balance. I find I end up dating guys who try to keep all the power or give it all away. Neither one works, obviously.

It's kind of difficult to explain the dynamic of the relationship. There was no "seat of power," it's like we were constantly on the same wavelength, until we weren't anymore. It was perfect. There really is no other word for it. At the time, it felt perfect.

But I'm not trying to figure out where to find someone, but why I should. I'm not asking for dating tips, but thank you anyway. I'm looking for reasons to try. I'm looking for motivation. I just don't have it. Since it ended, I've been on three dates in over a year, all of them "firsts" and none of them got a second. I couldn't even feign interest in them. And it's not because there was anything wrong with these girls.