I LOVE MEN!! ! but I am afraid of them!! !

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Its sooo hard for me! I really am suffering from this huge fear of the opposite sex. I am almost hitting my mid 20's and I never even had a proper conversation with a guy I liked. Its so debilitating. If there is a guy that I think is good looking, I would be so scared of him and try to run away. Is there a solution to this?????????????? I don't really have low self esteem. I don't think I am ugly or anything. But its very overwhelming. My voice starts shaking, I turn tomato red, my head starts ticking. WHATS WRONG WITH MEEEEE!!?!?!?! !?!?!?!?!?!?? I have never been on a date before and I don't even know how to get into the dating world, when this fear is blocking it.

Sounds like anxiety, Xanax, maybe?

Well of course its anxiety, but with all due respect to schizoid, I don't think pills would be a great solution, and if you don't experience that kind of reaction with people you aren't attracted to in that way it's probably not according to hoyle social anxiety. A lot of men have the same problem. I don't have any surefire solution, but I will say that as frustrating and problematic as online dating is, it's a good way to get some experience going out on dates. Obviously you need to be careful and maintain appropriate boundaries etc etc, the OK cupid is the best of the lot, mainly because you have a lot more ways to sort and pre-screen people based on shared values etc. Also with any anxiety provoking situation, repeated exposure eventually reduces the intensity of the reaction.

Maybe you are worried what the guy will think or do, but it really doesn't matter, you can just casually flirt, if it doesn't work out you move on. If you don't give it a try, you miss out. If you are more comfortable talking to a guy who is less attractive, you can do that for practice, just keep it to small talk only.

Going online is a good idea too, but watch out for creeps.

i know of one thing you can do, which is something i do for myself, as i have simular fears (but being male, it is seen by others as stranger and worse, not that i agree).
i have trained myself to ignore gender differences in conversations; just like you wont care if the dog you're walking is male or female, i dont act any different among male, female or mixed groups of humans (even being there is stressing enough).

now i know that this is not the perfect starting point for a dating relationship, but it will allow you to practice being around men, so you can show your true self from the start (once you are trained into comfort with the other gender)

I have the same exact problem; in fact, I've posted about it on here before I wish I had a better answer for you but the only thing I've been able to do so far is force myself to ignore the flight response and approach someone despite the awkwardness. If you can do that, it's painful but it might be effective, and perhaps it inures you to some of the anxiety after a while, I'm not sure yet. If you're really lucky you'll find that the person you're talking to is kind and trustworthy, and in that case, you won't have to worry so much about the awkwardness because you can be honest about why you're awkward and laugh about it

We're not so scary, I promise . Are you able to have normal conversations with women? If so just try to do the same thing with men (maybe try pretending they're women when you talk to them? although don't tell them you're doing that lol!)

Who says?

It's called love-shyness. It is it's distinctive type of shyness which occurs in informal situations with potential romantic partners.

Similarly to regular shyness, love-shyness stems from four things:

1. Lack of theoretical knowledge or self-perceived lack (note: often false) of knowledge. This is why a person with social anxiety will often find it easier to converse with immigrants: one does not expect them to know the local areas social code as thoroughly (or at least this is how I personally feel).

2. Warped thinking due to negative experiences in the past. This makes the individual suspectible to negative and irrational thinking and jumping to negative conclusions in general.

3. Lack of practical experience.

4. Approach anxiety. Everyone has approach anxiety, as it is biologically coded in us. However, some people tend to not to know how to cope with it and also blow it out of proportion, thinking that there is something wrong with them.

For me, prostitutes played the most important part. Of course it's "just" sex, but I found it a LOT less scary to converse with the opposite gender in general once I got accustomed to sex and it wasn't so mysterious and scary after the first times. You can read about relationships and advice and it can be useful, but it's impossible to get over the fear of driving without actually driving (except that I find it kinda hard to drive especially in a city because I cannot really concentrate on many things at the same time, DUH ) .

A good way to build up social comfort is to join small social activities and socialize in general, this can be done by talking to people in the supermarket or even elderly people on a bench.

As a 29 year old male, I can relate quite well to this (reversing the gender roles of course). All I can tell you is that most single men I know are VERY appreciative of a woman who approaches them and you won't have any issue with them thinking you are nervous. I would find it a big turn on personally because it shows you are a real, genuine person and you care about the other person but that's just me. Try not to think of it as a pressure situation or think that a man will think anything badly of you. I can promise you that most decent men will admire your courage and would be happy to talk to you.

Regardless of the gender stereotypes, I can tell you that men in general are much more nervous around women than the other way around. It's not just an aspie thing either: I know some men who are big and tough looking but are actually wimps when it comes to communicating with women. Feel free to drop me a PM if you would like.

We're more scared of you than you are of us lol!

I think practice definitely helps. Socializing with the opposite sex on a plutonic level. Sounds so clinical......

Maybe you could talk to some guys you don't necessarily like. You might not be as nervous and just make small talk. Also, plenty of guys might think it's cute.

social comfort is not the same as approach comfort. Going to sowing clubs and talking to the person in the bus with you will not make you less nervous when approaching a potential mate. You know what will? Not giving a f**k. The problem is when you arent giving a f**k then its more likely to not appreciate the other person.

You dont have to be afraid of me I would give lots of hugs...but I myself might run away I am kinda shy in person.