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I had to write a research paper for school about Aspergers and Relationships. Just wondering what everyone thinks.

According to the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke, “Asperger Syndrome or AS is an autism spectrum disorder, one of a distinct group of neurological conditions characterized by a greater or lesser degree of impairment in language and communication skills” ("NINDS" 2012). Asperger Syndrome affects people in various ways. The one area that it affects the most is relationships. Because of the communication skills needed in a relationship, and because a person with AS has an impairment with this, relationships are hard for the Asperger Syndrome person or Aspie, as they call themselves, as well as the other person in the relationship. Most of the people in a relationship with an Aspie are Neurotypical or NT's. NT is a term that is used by the people in the autistic community as a label for those people not on the autism scale. NT's find dealing with relationships hard also, but coupled with AS, relationships are almost impossible. In Asperger & Marriage, Jonathan Feather Psy. D states that the national average for divorce is at 40% in America, but for a NT/AS marriage the average is 80% (Jonathan Feather Psy. D, 2012). Impairments with communication and conveying of emotions that stem from those impairments are key traits that need to be overcome in order for a relationship to sustain itself. Although relationships where one partner that has AS can be difficult, lasting relationships can be attained.
Diagnosis
The key ingredient in a lasting relationship that involves an AS/NT is a diagnosis of the AS individual. This not only helps the AS but it also helps the NT as well. They can both understand the symptoms of AS and in turn see how those symptoms affect a relationship. The same difficulties that someone with Autism has are the same as a person with AS. Social, emotional, and physical disabilities are all present. The defining factor that separates Autism and AS is the varying degree of the symptoms which include an average to above average IQ. According to the web site, aspergerinfo, 1994 was the first year Asperger Syndrome appeared in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 4th ed., written by the American Psychiatric Association (aspergergerinfo, 2012). Until that time it was unknown how many people suffered from the syndrome. According to an article found on University of Phoenix library, in an article entitled Asperger’s Syndrome in Adulthood, “the prevalence of Asperger’s Syndrome it estimated at 0.02%-0.03%. Asperger’s is far more common in boys than girls, with a sex ratio of 8:1” (Roy M., Dillo W., Emrich H. and Ohlmeier M., 2009). The people that have AS live underneath two categories: diagnosed and undiagnosed. Because it’s a new diagnosis there are many adults that have the syndrome and don’t realize that they do. Where a diagnosed individual goes through life knowing of their limitations and knowledge of coping strategies by way of cognitive behavioral therapy, an undiagnosed individual goes through life scared, alone, unloved and without relationships. Their inability to cope with a world that makes no sense to them has left them on a deserted island in the midst of millions of people. This can cause damage to their relationships throughout life. Getting a diagnosis is the first step in fixing for the AS individual, their impairments with communication, and for the NT, an understanding of these impairments.
Communication
After a diagnosis is in place, work on communication between the two parties can begin. The Aspie partner will first have to accept the fact that they have Asperger’s Syndrome. Accepting this does not stop at saying “I have Asperger’s”. The Aspie has to understand their limitations and their inability to communicate properly. The NT also needs to understand these limitations and help the AS partner to cope with these difficulties. In The Asperger’s Couples Workbook, written by Maxine Aston, the author uses different techniques to help with communication. One of these techniques helps with expressing emotions by using colors to indicate how the person is feeling instead of using verbal and non-verbal techniques which are part of the Aspie’s impairments (Maxine Aston, 2009). The inability to express emotions is because of the impairments of communication. As Aspie cannot convey how they feel and in turn cannot understand how their partner feels. Use of colors to replace these emotions makes it possible to communicate in a way that is easier for the AS partner to understand and the NT partner to not misinterpret. Misinterpreting emotions can lead to miscommunication within the relationship.
Emotions and Miscommunication
A person with Asperger’s does have emotions, however, because they do not understand communication and body language like an NT does, they don’t fully understand how to convey the emotion they are feeling. Because of this, they do not understand the emotion that is also conveyed to them. This issue is tightly integrated in how someone with Asperger’s represents themselves in social situations. One of the symptoms of Asperger’s is saying inappropriate things at inappropriate times. The reason the Aspie is saying these inappropriate comments is because they don’t understand that what they are saying will be offensive to the other party. This is where the misinterpretation of these feelings comes into play by the NT partner. This works both ways. An Aspie can misinterpret feelings from the NT partner because of the mind blindness that comes with Asperger’s. Simon Baron-Cohen, in a 2001 research paper, defines theory of mind as “…being able to infer the full range of mental states (beliefs, desires, intentions, imagination, emotions, etc.) that cause action. In brief, having a theory of mind is to be able to reflect on the contents of one’s own and other’s minds.” (Baron-Cohen, 2001). For people with AS mind blindness, or the absence of theory of mind, causes hurdles in communication and closeness. Because of these hurdles people closest to the individual often perceive a lack of empathy. To help with these situations of miscommunication tools can be put to use like the one described in the book Asperger Syndrome and Long-Term Relationships where the author, Ashley Stanford, describes using a word that stops a conversation so that both parties can better understand the intentions of the other person (Stanford, Ashley, 2003). The word can be any word, and it is usually a word that makes no sense in most any conversation as in the word “penguin”. Saying this word completely halts the conversation, intentions are then expressed, and then the conversation continues on. The important part of this method is that the Aspie and NT both apply this. If neither party is willing to adhere to this rule of conversations then communication will not improve.
Intentions
Another rule that needs to be adhered to, by the NT especially, is taking into account the intentions of the Aspie partner. Intentions define everyone, but the Aspie is at a disadvantage because of their inability to understand body language. It’s important that the NT ask the Aspie what their intentions are. Otherwise, the NT partner will not understand what the Aspie is trying to convey because the AS partner might not be conveying it properly. The inability to convey verbally and non-verbally how they feel is not their fault. Unfortunately, it is up to the individual that the AS partner is speaking with to bridge the gap for the AS partner. The inability to bridge this gap themselves is what makes this a disability. It may seem unfair that the NT partner has to bridge this gap for them, but in other circumstances and in other disabilities that seem more prevalent, people are more apt to help. Take the situation where there is a paraplegic in a wheelchair trying to get up stairs by themselves. Most people would help them bridge that gap by helping them up the stairs. One disability may differ from another disability, but as human beings we need to help those less fortunate than ourselves. That being said, Asperger’s Syndrome is not a free pass. Work needs to be done by the diagnosed individual.
Receiving a diagnosis is paramount in maintaining and cultivating a relationship, the communication skills that can be learned though therapy can be valuable. The work that needs to be done by the Aspie involves long term therapy. The important part of this therapy like Maxine Aston says, in an article found in the university library, “having AS does not change a person’s personality. It is a neurological disorder, a difference in the wiring of the brain; not a defect, simply a difference. This difference often only becomes apparent when the AS individual interacts and communicates with others socially when looking to form friendships or relationships. AS will cause difficulties in communication (verbally and in the reading of body language), social interaction and in the ability to emphasize or to see things from another’s point of view” (Maxine Aston, 2011). Accepting this is the next step after getting diagnosed and helps both parties make the changes needed to form a lasting relationship. Once the tools are put in place from this therapy and they take hold, the miscommunications will slow or altogether stop. Both parties will feel as if their viewpoints are heard because of their ability to now communicate their emotions effectively. The intentions of each person will be known in the relationship, and the relationship will flourish. The important thing to remember about any disability is that they can be managed. Having a relationship with someone who has Asperger’s can be difficult but they can be managed.

The lack of formatting is making this exceptionally hard to read for me. I'd suggest at least separating the subtitles and bolding where possible.