How to find ppl with similar "weird" interests...

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BigBossMSF
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31 Aug 2012, 1:45 am

...when living in a small redneck town?

I'm male, 30, divorced, and have aspergers (diagnosed). I had a GF over a year ago but since then I've had absolutely no luck.

I have interests that aren't exactly mainstream and normal (huge surprise right?). Which include stuff like paranormal investigating, videogaming, singing and music production, making youtube videos.

This may not sound THAT weird but in a small town where everyone is about sports, drinking, church, and country music. There is absolutely no social situation to go to in order to connect with people of similar interests. And being age 30, there's not exactly a lot of women looking for a guy into those type of interests. What I've found is most women arouond my age either already have kids, or are looking for a guy to settle down with who follows the conformity of mainstream societies views of a "normal" male role. Which I obviously can never fit without coming off as extremely fake.

So of course I join dating sites, and those are just horrible, as most women on them seem completely shallow and just cold blooded in general when I am just being friendly with what I feel is the right amount of confidence and forwardness without being too overbearing.

But after a year of not having a single date I am seriously questioning if either something is horribly wrong with me, or horribly wrong with the world.

I've also noticed that most people I can relate to live on the east coast rather than central US like I do.

I feel I should just give up on trying to find someone and just do my own thing. But I am never satisfied with that as I want to be social, I want to have a GF, and I don't wanna be alone 24/7. So what exactly do I need to do?



redrobin62
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31 Aug 2012, 2:29 am

One of the reasons I like Seattle, besides the fact I'm too lazy to move, is it's pretty progressive. Lots of normal and odd minds here. Portland, Oregon is the same, also. On the outskirts of town you'll find the rednecks, but in the city, you'll find the weird 'uns. Indie music is popular here. Interestingly, some of the bigger shows in this area are by artists such as Kenny Chesney, Martina McBride ad Tim McGraw, so country is never that far off. Still, with all the punk, grunge, hip hop and indie groups, it can be a happening town. They also have dance clubs here. The bad part? Jobs. The yuppies are moving into all the hip neighborhoods left and right. Rents can be, like, $1200/month for a one bedroom. the good part/ Lots of single girls around. You see them eating alone in restaurants when you walk by . How many times, in how many cities, do you see single women dining alone in restaurants? Rare. If you've got the skills, Seattle will promise you a good time. They also have an aspie meetup group, too. I don't go because I have social issues, but that's another story.



BigBossMSF
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31 Aug 2012, 2:32 am

I have family in Eugene OR, so I am considering moving out there. I've been on the site OKCupid (ughh i know) and almost all my highest match percentages are from California, Oregon, and Canada. Which is obviously telling me I need to be somewhere progressive. Wisconsin is a hellhole.



pastafarian
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31 Aug 2012, 4:20 am

I couldn't live in a red neck town. Can't you move? If I lived in the states it would have to be somewhere near the sea, where people seem saner. I think its the ocean's contact with the outside world. Having sad that, I worked in South Carolina for a while - plenty of sea and a beautiful place. But where I worked it was like the Stepford Wives. Sports bars, golf courses and cosmetic surgery. And there were no pavements anywhere which meant you couldn't walk and it made me have nightmares.

Move!



BigBossMSF
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31 Aug 2012, 4:24 am

Money is the only thing holding me back from moving :( I am miserable here.



DNForrest
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31 Aug 2012, 5:40 am

I was in a fairly similar situation as you, I lived in the middle of Wyoming for 20 years and was absolutely MISERABLE the entire time. It was so much better when I moved to Corvallis (about halfway between Eugene and Portland).

BigBossMSF wrote:
I have family in Eugene OR, so I am considering moving out there. I've been on the site OKCupid (ughh i know) and almost all my highest match percentages are from California, Oregon, and Canada. Which is obviously telling me I need to be somewhere progressive. Wisconsin is a hellhole.


This wouldn't be a bad option. I'm admittedly not a fan of Eugene (way, way too many hippies), but you'd find plenty of folks there with similar interests. And, if you find you don't like it, you can move a few hours north to Vancouver, WA. It's just across the Oregon/Washington border from Portland, but with much cheaper housing, along with the combo of lower taxes from living in WA, but you can still drive across the river to enjoy Oregon's lack of a sales tax.



wanderingdrive
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01 Sep 2012, 11:18 pm

I agree with a lot of what's been said. I live in a small (pop ~25K) city in the Upper Midwest and I've never tested the waters for love, I live here because I have so many friends here. I know I would find love in a bigger city out west, but I'd be lonely for so long, nor could I stand living in a metropolis again.



Tequila
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01 Sep 2012, 11:22 pm

BigBossMSF wrote:
...when living in a small redneck town?

I'm male, 30, divorced, and have aspergers (diagnosed). I had a GF over a year ago but since then I've had absolutely no luck.

I have interests that aren't exactly mainstream and normal (huge surprise right?). Which include stuff like paranormal investigating, videogaming, singing and music production, making youtube videos.

This may not sound THAT weird but in a small town where everyone is about sports, drinking, church, and country music. There is absolutely no social situation to go to in order to connect with people of similar interests. And being age 30, there's not exactly a lot of women looking for a guy into those type of interests. What I've found is most women arouond my age either already have kids, or are looking for a guy to settle down with who follows the conformity of mainstream societies views of a "normal" male role. Which I obviously can never fit without coming off as extremely fake.

So of course I join dating sites, and those are just horrible, as most women on them seem completely shallow and just cold blooded in general when I am just being friendly with what I feel is the right amount of confidence and forwardness without being too overbearing.

But after a year of not having a single date I am seriously questioning if either something is horribly wrong with me, or horribly wrong with the world.

I've also noticed that most people I can relate to live on the east coast rather than central US like I do.

I feel I should just give up on trying to find someone and just do my own thing. But I am never satisfied with that as I want to be social, I want to have a GF, and I don't wanna be alone 24/7. So what exactly do I need to do?


Have you not just tried frequenting and spending time on local (or U.S.-based) forums that cater to your interests? That's something that might help. If you participate on a regular basis, all the better I'd say.

You need to stop thinking of it in terms of "I need a mate" and follow your interests.

I'm fairly confident that if you're a good singer then you'll have loads of tail chasing you rather than the other way round. What sort of singing do you like to do?



BigBossMSF
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02 Sep 2012, 1:35 am

Tequila wrote:
BigBossMSF wrote:
...when living in a small redneck town?

I'm male, 30, divorced, and have aspergers (diagnosed). I had a GF over a year ago but since then I've had absolutely no luck.

I have interests that aren't exactly mainstream and normal (huge surprise right?). Which include stuff like paranormal investigating, videogaming, singing and music production, making youtube videos.

This may not sound THAT weird but in a small town where everyone is about sports, drinking, church, and country music. There is absolutely no social situation to go to in order to connect with people of similar interests. And being age 30, there's not exactly a lot of women looking for a guy into those type of interests. What I've found is most women arouond my age either already have kids, or are looking for a guy to settle down with who follows the conformity of mainstream societies views of a "normal" male role. Which I obviously can never fit without coming off as extremely fake.

So of course I join dating sites, and those are just horrible, as most women on them seem completely shallow and just cold blooded in general when I am just being friendly with what I feel is the right amount of confidence and forwardness without being too overbearing.

But after a year of not having a single date I am seriously questioning if either something is horribly wrong with me, or horribly wrong with the world.

I've also noticed that most people I can relate to live on the east coast rather than central US like I do.

I feel I should just give up on trying to find someone and just do my own thing. But I am never satisfied with that as I want to be social, I want to have a GF, and I don't wanna be alone 24/7. So what exactly do I need to do?


Have you not just tried frequenting and spending time on local (or U.S.-based) forums that cater to your interests? That's something that might help. If you participate on a regular basis, all the better I'd say.

You need to stop thinking of it in terms of "I need a mate" and follow your interests.

I'm fairly confident that if you're a good singer then you'll have loads of tail chasing you rather than the other way round. What sort of singing do you like to do?


I do mostly cover songs on my youtube as of now... stuff like this...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTpEGJDTLyc[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Js15_jqay28[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcZYbbeLxQU[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLDgqY8gD_s[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9cso-4-C6A[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G85GlKpnQGE[/youtube]

Since I am self conscious about my singing abilities I dunno which is the best to recommend people listening to so try whatever band you are more into (they are all kinda electronic/industrial bands)

I also composed and performed all the songs in this youtube playlist, original music ( made when I was 18) which isn't very good.

(check it out here)


Decay's Demo EP Album