The importance of being confident and how to be it
I have AS and I can say i have been out on the dating field for a while. I've learned a tun of stuff about how to improve your chances, socialization, ect ect ect ect and now finally have a gf which im very happy with. she's amazing it i wouldn't have been awarded with my great girlfriend if it wasn't for the hard work i did in learning everything about dating. with that said i want to tell you the most important thing i learned that is the biggest factor when it comes to helping you find your potential partner and that is CONFIDENCE. i capitalize this word for a reason because it's that important above anything. as a matter of fact, you could be the best talker, know the best things to say, you could be the best looking, have the best things going for you BUT if you are not confident, forget it!! Confidence is the key! I'm not saying the other things is important too like looking nice, saying good things is important but confidence is the like the main support structure of your relationship finding success. If everything else you do in finding a girl is the house, confidence is like the foundation, take confidence away and everything will tumble down. It's very important to work on confidence first. Learn to not be afraid of reject. Confront all fears you have. Especially the fear of not having a boyfriend or girlfriend, confront that fear too. Learn to not be afraid to be single for the rest of your life. Im not saying to tell you self that will be single for the rest of your life, but just simple letting go of the fear of the slight possibility that that could happen. If you do that, you will be less nervous and that will make you way more confident. Confidence is so vital that many people say from poles that if they met a good looking person that wasn't confident and then saw a not so good looking person that wreaked with confident they would rather pick that person. From experience and observation, i've found that you can pretty much say the stupidest of the quirkiest things but if you are confident when saying it, it almost doesn't matter. It's still an almost a grantee that the person your dating will be attracted to you because people are attracted to confident people no matter what. So be your self because if you be you and you are confident that you are great, people will automatically be drawn to you like gravity. When it all comes down to it, you really owe it too your self to be your self and be proud of it because not only people will appreciate you more, you'll inspire the world more, but potential partners will now be drawn to you more and you know you want that! So my fellow wrongplanet buddies in pursue of a relationship, i can't the emphasize the importance of working on this as the prime focus when dating!
below i wrong a quick list of simple ways to help improve your confidence
Ways to improve self confidence
1) let go of the fear of rejection
2) let go of the fear of not being in a relationship
3) think of and focus on all your good qualities
4) strengthen your good qualities
5) love your self more
6) look at your self in the mirror and tell your self that your awesome and that you love your self in eveyway
7) try to become attracted to your self (may sound crazy but it's possible and there's nothing wrong with it, it improves your self esteem and helps alleviate fear of not finding a relationship).
be your self!
_________________
James Hackett
aspie quiz results; http://www.rdos.net/eng/poly12c.php?p1= ... =80&p12=28
Maerlyn138
Velociraptor

Joined: 2 Nov 2005
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 499
Location: The Island of Misfit Toys
What has worked for me in the past is to just not care. If i talked to a girl and she wasn't interested/shot me down, whatever I didn't really care anyway. That is over simplified so let me explain. When you are nervous or unsure there is a lot of energy that builds up. The energy can be overwhelming and cloud your thinking. When this happens you have a harder time responding to the situation at hand. You miss whats being said, misunderstandings happen, and you lose confidence. Buy this book, "the six pillars of self esteem" it has really helped me.
_________________
We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.
Aspie score: 159 of 200 NT score: 64 of 200
I understand where you are coming from but I've started using that approach (since I'm fed up with being flaked repeatedly by entitled princesses) and I'm having no luck either. Women seem to think "you don't care? Why should I either?" Again, they seem to want a genuine man who is passionate but when they see one they are even more repulsed. It seems I simply can't win either way.
Maerlyn138
Velociraptor

Joined: 2 Nov 2005
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 499
Location: The Island of Misfit Toys
I understand where you are coming from but I've started using that approach (since I'm fed up with being flaked repeatedly by entitled princesses) and I'm having no luck either. Women seem to think "you don't care? Why should I either?" Again, they seem to want a genuine man who is passionate but when they see one they are even more repulsed. It seems I simply can't win either way.
Ok, when I say "don't care" i meant more on the inside. Be a rock unto yourself, try and get the mindset that you'd really like what your going after, but if you don't get it, it's not the end of the world.
_________________
We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.
Aspie score: 159 of 200 NT score: 64 of 200
That is ARROGANCE, I capitalised this word because the OP has a relationship, thought he got over his problems with confidence and is telling others how to do so unwary of how difficult this task is for those with these issues of confidence and self-esteem.
Also if the relationship the OP has does not last as he would like, he'll go back into the whole confidence and self-esteem issues.
I know most of those issues don't apply to me and besides, that doesn't cover everything about a person and their own problems with their relationship concerns.
_________________
www.wrongplanet.net/postp5013377.html&h ... t=#5013377
Sora: "My friends are my power."
Ventus: "I'm asking you as a friend. Just... put an end to me."
Last edited by PastFixations on 02 Sep 2012, 5:46 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Also if the relationship the OP has does not last as he would like, he'll go back into the whole confidence and self-esteem issues.
I know most of those issues don't apply to me and besides, that doesn't cover everything about a person and their own problems with their relationship concerns.
I agree, I had all the confidence in the world when I was with my ex gf, but as soon as that was over I fell back into my old ways.
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