Not getting a response from my aspie crush

Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

SweetE
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 30 Aug 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 11

03 Sep 2012, 11:53 am

I have a crush on a guy that is possibly an aspie (I am NT). In person we've been getting better at talking to eachother. But when I send him an email or a text I don't get a response. I thought if he has AS email and text would be easier for him.

I'm so desparate spend time with him. I don't know if I am imagining his AS has something to do with it or if he just doesn't like me. Should I just give up and try to end this crush? Should I ask him how he feels about me?



cathylynn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,045
Location: northeast US

03 Sep 2012, 1:02 pm

ask him out for coffee.

do you put questions in your texts and emails that give him a clue you would like an answer?



BlueMax
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2007
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,285

03 Sep 2012, 1:42 pm

Simply put; BE DIRECT.

No unspoken hints and all that garbage... just say to his face what you feel and what you want. I think that's almost every man's fantasy anyway!!



SweetE
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 30 Aug 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 11

03 Sep 2012, 7:22 pm

cathylynn wrote:

do you put questions in your texts and emails that give him a clue you would like an answer?


Recently, after he told me he couldn't go to an event I texted back "thats ok. Do you want to get together another time" I got no reply. And the other day I asked him what he was doing for Labor Day and didn't get a response.

Is this something an aspie might feel overwhelmed with? Or am I just making excuses?



yellowtamarin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,763
Location: Australia

03 Sep 2012, 7:31 pm

SweetE wrote:
cathylynn wrote:

do you put questions in your texts and emails that give him a clue you would like an answer?


Recently, after he told me he couldn't go to an event I texted back "thats ok. Do you want to get together another time" I got no reply. And the other day I asked him what he was doing for Labor Day and didn't get a response.

Is this something an aspie might feel overwhelmed with? Or am I just making excuses?

Not sure about the second one, but the first question could possibly have been a bit difficult for him to answer. Aspies can tend to struggle with vague questions. As you haven't given any info as to when, where, what etc. for getting together, he might not know whether or not he wants to. By saying "yes", he might feel as though he is committing himself to some activity he might not want to do. If you ask specifically "Do you want to come to <this event> on <this day>?", you might be more likely to get a response.

But because he also didn't answer the second question, which is pretty specific, it might not be about that at all. There's also another possibility that he didn't have plans for Labor Day, and didn't realise you were asking him out, and he felt embarrassed that he had nothing on that day.

Maybe he just doesn't like texting.



happy2know
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 19 Apr 2012
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 14

06 Sep 2012, 4:15 pm

I am an NT and I have a "relationship" with a suspected Aspie man whom I care about very much. I can relate to your questions. I have sent texts that have been unaswered, asked him to do things which were never answered and it can be very frustrating. If he does respond he will respond with "I might do that" but won't commit. I have learned over time that these types of texts make him very anxious. I read that some Aspies fret and fret over the proper response so much and then so much time goes by so they give no response at all. When I have pushed him for "feelings" via text I have even gotten some evasive responses that stung. The thing is, although he couldn't say it, I could tell by his actions the next time we would see each other that he was sorry. I believe that these responses are some type of defense mechanism he has when he feels cornered with a question like "Don't you even care about me?"

Slowly he has opened up to me more and more but it has taken a lot of time and patience. He has trust issues and it has taken a great deal of time to teach him that I care about him, the real person. Keep an eye out for the things he does for you to show you he cares and remember it is hard for him to verbalize it in words, text or email.

I don't know your Aspie, but I just wanted to say I can relate. I have been very patient (2 years) and now he treats me very special and like he cares deeply about me. I still have difficulty getting him to do anything out of or common interest sport but I have just learned to enjoy the time we spend together.