Is he breaking up with me, or not?

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Descartes
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11 Sep 2012, 7:41 pm

Either way, I'm miserable right now, and I can't stop crying.

Things were going great with my boyfriend, Johnathen, until starting in August he got a hellish work schedule and had personal problems, so was prevented from seeing me in person to this day. Still, I retained some belief that he still deeply cared for me. He told me, when we started dating, that he saw me as the best thing that's happened to him.

Fast forward to early this morning. He told me that he would come over to my house. He didn't, but I figured that maybe he had fallen asleep accidentally. Given the loving tone of his previous texts to me, I had absolutely no reason to see this coming. Completely out of the blue, I logged onto Facebook to discover that he had unfriended me! It could have been an accident, but at that moment I started sobbing. Despite having unfriended me, he kept his "in a relationship" status. I thought he loved me. How could he do something like that to me?

I've been trying to reach him all day, but I have yet to get an answer from him. Maybe he's been sleeping? He does work the graveyard shift tonight and thus tends to sleep a lot during the day.

Still, I am absolutely miserable with all this uncertainty. If he did want to break up, I'd assume he would choose a more proper send-off than unfriending me from Facebook with no explanation.

What do you think?


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Blammo
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11 Sep 2012, 7:50 pm

It is possible he is frustrated, upset or unwilling to talk to you about something.

Was there an argument or disagreement recently?

In most cases, a break-up will be initiated by direct contact. I wouldn't worry too much. Though it does seem he may be upset about something you have done.

Will need more information in order to provide a better theory.



Descartes
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11 Sep 2012, 7:54 pm

Blammo wrote:
It is possible he is frustrated, upset or unwilling to talk to you about something.

Was there an argument or disagreement recently?

In most cases, a break-up will be initiated by direct contact. I wouldn't worry too much. Though it does seem he may be upset about something you have done.

Will need more information in order to provide a better theory.


That's just it, I can't think of anything I've done! Unless he felt that I texted him too much, but it is understandable considering I haven't seen him in forever. Still, he had never indicated to me via text that he was upset with me in any way, of course he did stop texting me on his own accord starting in around August. Unless he just got bored with me, I can't imagine why in the world he would do such a thing unless it was by mistake.


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Blammo
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11 Sep 2012, 7:58 pm

I know this may be hard to do, but you may have to wait until you come back into contact with him. I would try focusing on something else, maybe watch a movie or read a book? Take your mind off this for now because if he is asleep, there is nothing you can really do.

Please let us know what happens or if you have any more questions?



cathylynn
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11 Sep 2012, 8:45 pm

i woud definitely wait for him to make the next move, even if it never comes.



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12 Sep 2012, 1:21 am

cathylynn wrote:
i woud definitely wait for him to make the next move, even if it never comes.


Some people won't bother to actually break up with you, they simply confront you with a fait accompli. No idea why, but it happens all the time.



Descartes
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12 Sep 2012, 9:23 pm

John rejected my friend request, apparently. I am in so much pain right now. There's always the possibility that he could be going through something emotionally right now and thus can't be with me, but I don't know.

How will this affect me, the fact that my first true love did this to me? How could he have all of a sudden decided he wanted nothing more to do with me? I thought he loved me.

Jesus, I'm in such pain right now. It doesn't help, either, that several of his belongings - including his senior prom pic - are in my room. Should I put them away or mail them back to him? If only I knew his address.


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Evy7
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12 Sep 2012, 9:57 pm

How come you don't know where he lives? well, if he did break up, that's a pretty rude way to do it.



Descartes
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12 Sep 2012, 10:19 pm

Evy7 wrote:
How come you don't know where he lives? well, if he did break up, that's a pretty rude way to do it.


I do know where he lives, I just don't know the address, silly as that sounds. He lives in a studio apartment-type building, so I couldn't quite catch his address.


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12 Sep 2012, 10:20 pm

Have you always been clingy? Maybe just cool it for a few days. I'd say he was quick with the facebook BS but if he's tied into that like a lot of people you just have to try not to be the same. Just give yourself time to be able to think rationally instead of emotionally. Then you will know where your feelings are truly at. By then maybe he will answer back. Sorry you feel so bad.



Blammo
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12 Sep 2012, 11:20 pm

It seems by rejecting your friend request he is sending you a message. One that he doesn't wish to have you around at the moment.

I find it extremely concerning that this has happened all of a sudden. Was he on medication? Has he 'warned' you about something in the past?

I would try to better myself throughout this time period. I work well when I'm bitter. Bettering yourself as revenge always has worked to my advantage :)



Descartes
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12 Sep 2012, 11:25 pm

Blammo wrote:
It seems by rejecting your friend request he is sending you a message. One that he doesn't wish to have you around at the moment.

I find it extremely concerning that this has happened all of a sudden. Was he on medication? Has he 'warned' you about something in the past?

I would try to better myself throughout this time period. I work well when I'm bitter. Bettering yourself as revenge always has worked to my advantage :)


I don't know if he's on medication. The only "warning" I've had was his distance he exhibited toward me, but I assumed it was because he was stressed with work and personal issues. Just before he defriended me, he was texting me talking about how much he wanted to see me.


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Blammo
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12 Sep 2012, 11:32 pm

Have you attempted to phone him recently? Text? I mean, he may be showing that he needs some space, but an instant change like that is just bizarre.

I would text him exactly what you're feeling and why you are puzzled. Then that leaves the ball in his court. After that, spend some time watching a movie or something :)



Descartes
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13 Sep 2012, 9:08 am

Blammo wrote:
Have you attempted to phone him recently? Text? I mean, he may be showing that he needs some space, but an instant change like that is just bizarre.

I would text him exactly what you're feeling and why you are puzzled. Then that leaves the ball in his court. After that, spend some time watching a movie or something :)


I have phoned and texted him, numerous times. He hasn't responded to a single one since he defriended me. I can't bear the thought of never hearing from him again.


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13 Sep 2012, 10:56 am

In that case... you should stop messaging him and trying to call him. The signs are not good, from the looks of it, he wants to cut out all contact with you. For how long, or why, that I don't know, but if he's trying so hard to avoid you, then going after him isn't going to solve anything, short of appearing at his doorstep (which would make you look clingy, if you care about such matters). If it's a passing matter, then he'll eventually contact you back. Or maybe he won't, and you should take that possibility into account. Either way, no matter his reasons, him making you go through such a big emotional distress is not ok, he should have definitely told you something about it, and personally, if someone did that to me and then came back, she better have a damn good reason.

It is still possible that, yes, he has a very good reason to do that to you. And then, respect that reason and wait. But he could also be breaking up with you in a most cowardly way (I'd heard that breaking up through the phone was bad, but at least they have the guts to say it, even if not enough to do it in person. This one would take the cake). And if he's doing that, well... it would be time to start moving on. I'm sorry. Either way, the best course of action is the same: stop trying to make any contact.


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shyguy2012
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13 Sep 2012, 11:12 am

I kind of have the same problem. I have a friend that drunk txt and said she wanted to cuddle. I told her I would wait until she wasn't drunk. About 4 days later I txt her asking if she wanted to go to the movies she said that I am close friend and she couldn't date me. The this last week she unfriended me on facebook I sent her txt a couple of days later saying " People tend to write me off if you did its ok.." I got a txt back saying I am on date can't talk right now". So Lost now.


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