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Night_Shade917
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31 Oct 2012, 8:46 am

Hey everyone,

I have a situation that I am going through at the moment. My aspie boyfriend wants to see me in a weeks time, when we spoke on the phone he sounded excited and like he really wanted to see me, told me he missed me and he sounded like he was enjoying our conversation about us seeing eachother again. It's been 2 days since we last spoke and he told me he would book the train tickets to come and see me on the day that we spoke... today I asked if he booked them but he said he hasn't yet. I've been asking him when he will book them, because the prices will go up. He seems to have shut down on me completely and I get no replies from him on this subject anymore.

He's not been to my house for about 2 years, I've always been going to his house every time and there's been no issues because I booked the tickets early. I have no problem with going to his house and I do enjoy going there to see his family, but I think he may have gotten into a "comfort zone" because I've always been coming to his house for the past 2 years and he hasn't been to mine since. I don't know if he's very comfortable here because of my parents, he says he doesn't mind, but I don't know what he's really feeling. It confuses me how excited he was about coming to see me, yet he hadn't booked the tickets when he said he would... he's never done this before. Does anyone have any advice for me on what to do and why he might be acting this way?



thewhitrbbit
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31 Oct 2012, 8:55 am

Sounds like he either got excited and ran out of money and doesn't know how to tell you.

Or is just leading you on and now is caught in a lie and doesn't know how to get out of it.



Night_Shade917
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31 Oct 2012, 9:07 am

thewhitrbbit wrote:
Sounds like he either got excited and ran out of money and doesn't know how to tell you.

Or is just leading you on and now is caught in a lie and doesn't know how to get out of it.



I doubt he has no money, he told me his payments went into his bank when we talked over the phone. I also doubt he's leading me on, I've been with him for four years. I am neurotypical, so it's hard to understand what he might be going through. The point of me posting on here is not for doubts to be put into my head. I am just trying to understand my aspie boyfriend better and gain perspectives from other aspies as to what he might be going through.



civrev
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31 Oct 2012, 10:06 am

Is it possible that he's stressed out about the idea of coming to visit you?

I think if there's something about it that he's really stressed about, perhaps he's putting it off so he doesn't have to deal with it. Perhaps step back for a few days and then bring it up to him again in like a week or something if he doesn't first. Some time to think about it may help him.



thewhitrbbit
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31 Oct 2012, 11:08 am

civrev wrote:
Is it possible that he's stressed out about the idea of coming to visit you?

I think if there's something about it that he's really stressed about, perhaps he's putting it off so he doesn't have to deal with it. Perhaps step back for a few days and then bring it up to him again in like a week or something if he doesn't first. Some time to think about it may help him.


This is what I was trying to say, I didn't mean lead on.



Night_Shade917
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31 Oct 2012, 12:00 pm

civrev wrote:
Is it possible that he's stressed out about the idea of coming to visit you?

I think if there's something about it that he's really stressed about, perhaps he's putting it off so he doesn't have to deal with it. Perhaps step back for a few days and then bring it up to him again in like a week or something if he doesn't first. Some time to think about it may help him.


I think that's true :) I will just give him some solitude for a while and see what happens. I wish he could vocalise these things so I didn't have to worry, but I understand that it might be hard for him to put what he feels into words.



Night_Shade917
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31 Oct 2012, 12:01 pm

thewhitrbbit wrote:
civrev wrote:
Is it possible that he's stressed out about the idea of coming to visit you?

I think if there's something about it that he's really stressed about, perhaps he's putting it off so he doesn't have to deal with it. Perhaps step back for a few days and then bring it up to him again in like a week or something if he doesn't first. Some time to think about it may help him.


This is what I was trying to say, I didn't mean lead on.


It's ok WhiteRabbit :)



BlueMax
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31 Oct 2012, 1:15 pm

From my experience, even something highly anticipated and amazingly positive can still overwhelm my system and bring on shutdown.

In my case, I'd love to spend every waking moment with my estranged young children but when I DO get to spend time with them it's so awesome I end up shutting down after a certain point... the idea of no longer being able to spend time with the kids because of shutting down from the awesomeness of it all sounds bizarre... only someone who's been there will understand.
Of course, after the novelty wears off, it doesn't bring on such a high emotional rush and I'd be fine with lots of time - if I were lucky enough to get it.



Night_Shade917
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31 Oct 2012, 2:20 pm

BlueMax wrote:
From my experience, even something highly anticipated and amazingly positive can still overwhelm my system and bring on shutdown.

In my case, I'd love to spend every waking moment with my estranged young children but when I DO get to spend time with them it's so awesome I end up shutting down after a certain point... the idea of no longer being able to spend time with the kids because of shutting down from the awesomeness of it all sounds bizarre... only someone who's been there will understand.
Of course, after the novelty wears off, it doesn't bring on such a high emotional rush and I'd be fine with lots of time - if I were lucky enough to get it.


Thank you for your insights BlueMax :). That's quite understandable and I can see that as a possibility of what may be happening to him as well. It's very true that if you haven't felt it yourself it's harder to grasp but I also try to empathise and understand as much as possible :).