Getting a girl by NOT looking?

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HOW THE f**k DOES THAT EVEN REMOTELY MAKE SENSE?

That is the most counter-intuitive advice I've ever heard! How do you find someone by NOT looking? It makes ZERO sense!

it means to stop trying hard and making yourself look desperate. make friends with lots of girls with no particular expectations and one of them may turn out to be a better friend and eventually girlfriend.

That advice presupposes that you have a normal-sized social circle which brings you into contact with new people on a somewhat regular basis. In that context, "not trying" doesn't mean not meeting people, it means not meeting people with the the first intention of acquiring a boy/girl-friend.

If you live like a hermit (like me), then, yes, you're right, it makes no sense and isn't likely to work. However, not having "potential girlfriend" on the brain in when you first meet someone in any manner/context (say while at the flea or farmer's market) is still a good idea (like cathylynn said).

At first I thought this thread was about being without someone by not even seeing them Aspy can be funny at times - trying to udnerstand things lol.

I don't know how NOT to have expectations! The sooner I find "the one", the better. At the same time, I also need sex.

But to suddenly find that it doesn't work like that--WHY DID SOCIETY HAVE TO f*****g LIE TO ME?

Quite a lot of girls are used to causing a certain impression on single/sometimes not even single males.
If you make a point to avoid letting any girl cause this sort of impression to you then you are already setting yourself aside from most of the males she meets.


For example: I was introduced to "the hottest"girl in my degree just before an extremely important exam. I was at a study room with some friends and one of them invited her.
As you may understand I wasnt really trying to have a conversation with anyone at that time so I made that clear.

When we left the study room to join the exam she asked me if I had anything against her because she wasnt used to this behaviour.

To this day she still waves at me/talks to me whenever we meet across campus even though we havent had friends in common in 2 years(we met a couple of other times in group settings) whenever a male class mate is around he asks me how do I do it.
I just smile at them because I havent done anything and I have no intention of doing anything at any point(found out she is in a happy relationship a long time ago) when most males keep hitting on her I merely talk to her as I talk to any male class mate.



Its not really about not looking but about avoiding showing that she can cause a certain reaction in you way too soon.

No one wants what they can easily have. This is a difficult lesson.

That makes no sense! Why can't it be easier? Why did society have to f*****g lie to me my whole life? The a**holes responsible need to die!

This only works for certain people, just like other silly, backwards advice.

It does make a lot of sense. When you're not looking and you meet a potential partner you seem more comfortable and content with your own life and self, those are attracting properties. However someone who is very nervous, shy and somewhat sad does not quite look attracting. I've been trying to play this game but sometimes it's hard. I avoid 99% of the pretty girls and beauty queens but some time ago i met a very "regular" girl and i almost fell in love when i saw her and most my confidence went out the window haha.

How the f**k is that supposed to work when everyone's paired up but me? I NEED A WOMAN, TOO! Why the hell does it even work that way? It's too foreign and "other" to even accept!

There's no time to wait! I need one RIGHT NOW!

That is good motivation. Now never show that you need a girl. On most dating sites and in real life, the most eligible mates often have a lot going for them in terms of lifestyle and activities. They are social and it seems like a boyfriend or girlfriend would only be a bonus, not the focal point.

Unfortunately society is stupid, but I think this also has something to do with 'human nature'

Very understandable as I had to learn this from an early age. I found there were quite a few women that never wanted me.

Now on the contrary to people not wanting something they can have easily, people also always want what they can't have. Guess what happens when the unnatainable becomes available?

You're not gonna meet a girl by not looking any more than you're gonna get a job by not looking. Just like a potential employer may give you a cold shoulder for being to nervous/unconfident/desperate etc., a girl might do the same, though.

This sort of thing can be subjective to the person and the type of people you speak to. Based off my small amount of past experiences, women did seem to have more of an attraction to me when I didn't take the conversation or situation seriously. I remember a couple of times friends thought there was flirting going on when I just considered it to be a friendly conversation. Like most of you here, I'm not too good at picking up on these subtle things. When I do take a situation seriously that's when I can become anxious and over think everything I do, something that doesn't come across too well to the vast majority.

I do not know if it works, but I am living proof that you can at least fall in love when you are not looking. Worst thing that ever happened to me.