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I think my relationship with my 'friend' (who's never been a true friend) with benefits that has been going on since last December is finally over.

He didn't respect me and was just using me for sex and I should be glad it's over as it has affected my self esteem badly but I loved him and even though I had decided to stop communicating with him and had sent him a scathing email, today I made the mistake of sending him an email asking why he was so cruel to me. He immediately replied saying it was me who was being cruel. Then I explained how he caused me to get so angry by acting so offhand and as if he had a lot more important things to do/people to talk to than chat to me online.

He said he had been busy at the time and I said well why didn't you say so. He then said anyway you've said too many bad things as if to say he'd had enough. Part of me was glad that I'd upset him as he deserves it after the humiliating way he's treated me but another part was upset as I have feelings for him. I replied just 'ok' initially and then said 'you mean I stood up for myself- that's a good thing' He wasn't replying to these emails as if to say communication between us has ceased - this is how cruel he is - he just stops replying if I want to debate his behaviour - it's not ever negotiable.

Then I sent various other emails saying he'd done me a favour as he'd been exploiting a vulnerable person. Then I got upset and started crying and told him I didn't think anyone had ever hurt me as much as he has and left it at that and cried a lot as it's really painful to deal with. I feel I have less control over my emotions than the average 6 year old and I'm fed up of other people being able to upset me so much, especially when they don't care about me.

I'm a logical person - why do I let people like this get under my skin so much? I seem to be pathetically grateful for any attention I get off people to the extent that I let them get away with very disrespectful behaviour as well. I tell myself I'm far better off without them but when a person has caught my imagination it's very hard to let go of them.

I thought this person had left my life before as he'd stopped talking to me for several months and I eventually gave up sending emails then out of the blue he emailed me and it started all over again! It's like some kind of torture! I don't like the way the person treats me but it's like I can never totally cut off from them. I'm hoping he doesn't email me again but another part hopes he does.

I just hate it when I have a question and the other person has got the right to not answer me. Torture to the extreme. Then I'm some how suppose to just let go, and forget about it, move on they say.

[/rant]

You cannot control your feelings, that is, to whom you get attached to or infatuated with, or what's called falling in love. You simply can't control these things! And often we develop feelings for the wrong people because feelings have no mind, they are stupid buggers. On the other hand, there are people who would perfect fit for us and we could have a satisfactory relationship with, but we dismiss them because they don't trigger those feelings.

However, you have perfect control over your actions. Delete everything about him, his email address and so on, then block him. Make sure there is no way he can contact you. Cut him off.