Obsessed with a former friend

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I am having trouble dealing with an obsession I have about a woman who used to be my friend. I want to know if it is likely AS-related obsession or not.

I think about her every day even though we haven't really been friends for about a year. We met about a year and a half ago, I had a crush on her straight away but she was in a relationship so I kept it a secret. About 6 months later she broken up with her boyfriend, and about 3 weeks after that I told her I have a crush on her.

She decided to end our friendship because she didn't want to deal with the awkwardness. Then over a few months she became more annoyed at me trying to apologise to her as she wanted the issue dropped and says she has trouble confronting awkward situations like this and wished she never befriended me in the first place. She called me a "waste of space". Then we didn't speak for a few months, then became friends again for a short time, had a minor falling out and exchanged angry words online, didn't talk for several months, then met up again at a conference, started talking again on Twitter, then I got really angry and frustrated at her and insulted her when I found out she was running for local election in my town (I don't know why I was so upset at her, probably unrelated hurt feelings built up), we stopped talking again, then started talking briefly after the election, I sent her a card to apologise to her, but she got mad because of it, saying I shouldn't have sent it to her work address. We exchanged harsh words again, and she told me never to speak to her again, I tried to apologise, she said I make her uncomfortable. I've more-or-less not contacted her in a few months with some minor slip-ups (sending messaging to say 'hi' or apologise, all of which she has completely ignored and not replied to). Every day is a struggle not to send her an email or a tweet. I feel really guilty as having insulted her and at being a pest to her. We have several shared-friends and I see her occasionally, she doesn't speak to me.

Since then I met another women (my first actual girlfriend), we started going out and the relationship looked promising but she dumped me after a month because I talk about this former-friend too much and she was jealous. My ex-girlfriend said I always seemed more interested in my former-friend than in her.

I was very recently diagnosed with Aspergers, and my counsellor thought my my obsession with my former-friend might be related. Does it sound like it? Or is this just something non-AS-related, me being me? I think whether of not it's AS-related might affect what's the best way to go about changing my behaviour or thinking.

Edit: Can't fit all the details in but thought I should add: I'm 27, and was in treatment for depression when I was referred for diagnosis regarding AS. Also, I have had other obsessive crushes on women/girls in the past over the years, but this is the first time I told the woman in question and hence the first time it has resulted in conflict and loss of a friendship.

Are you a future me from an alternate dimension? I am going through a similar situation, although in my case it turned out much better, since we still talk to each other.

Anyway, if I were in your situation and the friend I am in love with treated me like your friend treats you, I would do whatever I could to forget her. She seems to be overreacting (although you seem to be insisting too much, which is annoying). Do not ask me how to forget, though; I am still trying to figure that out. Supposedly, finding another woman would help you forget, but that did not seem to work in your case, so... I do not know what to say.

One thing that's stopping me forgetting about her is how guilty I feel about saying unreasonably angry things to her on Twitter on two occasions that she's never forgiven me for. She's been a bit of a jerk to me too, but I guess the fact I'm still obsessed with her means I'm happy to forgive her, she's not so happy to forgive me, and I'm desperate to be forgiven so I don't have to feel so awful about it all.

If she doesn't accept your apology, then she can shove it. There's no reason you should be feeling bad about any of this. She overreacted over something so simple and you're the one being made to feel guilty. Stop putting her up on some pedestal and realize that mean spirited people like her aren't worth your time.

Honestly, you should have stopped talking with her when she called you "a waste of space". She owes you an apology as much as you owe her. Which makes you both even.

Boxman108 and Magnus_Rex: I try to forget about her and get over her, but I'm still obsessing over her every day and feeling guilty for some reason. That's partly why I was wondering if this obsession could be AS-related, and if so, would a different way of dealing with it work.

it is probably related. It is very common to see posts of people obsessing about unrequited love here. And, although I am not diagnosed and I cannot say for sure if I have AS or not, I am at least 85% sure that I have an Autism Spectrum Disorder.

As I said before, I do not know what you can do to forget her, but you should forget her. Yes, I know that I am not being very helpful, but as I said, I am also in the process of figuring it out.

This is absolutely right.

She is a waste of time. Drop her. She doesn't care about you, and she most certainly never will. Move on to someone who deserves your attention. This sounds a lot like a toxic relationship.

I think part of your problem is that you think this entire fallout is mostly your fault, that you're the guilty party. Whether you'd still be friends or not if you had held your tongue or checked your anger this time or that time is immaterial now, because now you've seen her for who she really is, warts and all. Ask yourself: Is this someone you really want to be friends with, knowing what you know? Don't ask if you're good enough to be her friend, ask if SHE'S good enough to be yours. And don't answer too quickly. Put aside your poor self image and look at the facts.

Even if she was horrible to me at some points, she did apologise, and towards the end it was all me being a jerk, she had started acting nice, though also upset/offended by me. I feel like I'd explicitly forgiven all the things she said or did early on, though I was acting like I was still resenting them.

Anyway, I *don't* think I really want to be friends with her again, but I'm desperate to be back on speaking terms with her so I can feel forgiven. I feel like I can't move past it until she implicitly tells me I'm okay in her books.

Edit: What I mean I guess is, our friendship is gone for ever and doesn't matter anymore, but her opinion of me is tied to my self-worth