What is the main reason why guys have to do the approaching?

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hence why i explained it in a way most would understand. Its a concept I understand well since i did live it in highschool.

^^^ Kitty had 75 bad dates.... and now she has a full harem.

Jesus, you really are younger. By a fair amount. I didn't realize that.

So, the fact that you're only a little less successful than me; does that make you extra mature, or does it make me an imbecilic man-child?

Mind you, the first does not preclude the possibility of the second.

Sadly - the harem only exsists online.
I may be forced to give it up in a few months anyway.
Until then - it's not too late to join.





Or option 3: I get so frustrated by being unable to do things that I turn into stubborn, crazy-girl-on-a-mission until I figure out how to do it? Which would make me insane.

But out of those 73 dates, how many you rejected and how many you got rejected? By estimation.

Ahh, so you do what I do.

Turn into crazy-girl-on-a-mission.

Drives my girlfriend crazy. She's always saying stuff like "I know your just trying to make sense of a difficult and often hostile world, but you have something of a one track mind and, besides which, do you really need to wear my underwear while you do it?"

To which I respond "Quiet female! I'm not gonna let you hold me back! And they make me feel pretty."

Last edited by mds_02 on 19 Nov 2012, 3:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

^^^
Can't help it - curiousity, stubborness and various other personality traits result in it. Aspie trait maybe?
*must figure out how it works! I refuse to sleep until I do!*
You can't take a social process apart physically like you can a car - but you can still do it mentally.

Boo: The first 50% or more, all rejected me.
I was still learning the rules and making stupid mistakes - not keeping eye contact enough, completely missing their signals in regards to touching me, spending too long on the date, inappropriate conversational topics, not asking the right kinds of questions or too much or too little, etc.

After that, I managed the basics, I could sit back and watch them more myself - assess more carefully. I also started being more selective about who I was accepting on a date by that point. Eventually the ratio ended up leveling out to 50/50 rejection by each side by the last 12 dates.

Fair enough, I haven't made a serious effort to go approaching, because I'm trying to rebuild the self-esteem I lost when I last approached and got rejected. There is no infinite pool of self-esteem, and bit by bit it's been taken away from me to the point where there is none. How can I approach if I don't have the confidence inside me to even believe I'll get anywhere?

But the fact is, I have never been on one date. Let alone seventy-five.
So how can I build the experience required when I can't get even get one date? You can't learn experience!

this is very valid. im tired of people saying "what have you got to lose" as if rejection does nothing to a person.

aspies are generally not going to be impressive with looked at with a quick glance. can you maybe change jobs to try and meet more people that way? or take on new hobbies with social groups outside your own? thats why i picked up archery.

I am with Kjas (turning into a habit ) I persist until I am near perfection. If I was to count the number of ties I was rejected, I would be here for a loooong time. I used to take it so personally, until I became an actress and learnt that being rejected is just a normal part of life. I still feel like I'm worthless a lot of times, I just hide it better, and that has consequently led people to believe, that I am more confident than I really am.

Then I come home, and rock for hours.

75 first dates, oh my I wonder what is your definition of a date, but in any way I look at it that's a lot! I've only been in like three proper first dates Although the number of different women I've tried to approach can't be too far from that number, at first many of them were spectacular failures but then I got better

I did that as part of getting my confidence back (I used it have it before that but I managed to lose it) - I didn't have any to start with when I started dating then - it was part of the reason I choose to do it. And if you focus on learning the process, then the rejection won't bother you anywhere near as much, if at all. You're learning a new skill - that's it. Keep it that way until you know what you're doing with that new skill.

And a new hobby doesn't hurt either. In fact that made it way easier to get out of the house in the first place since I would have to go out for that in the first place.

Sandra: There was a lotof rocking once at home. Dating is hell like that.
I can't count the number of times I came home and rocked in the corner.

Shat: Well - I didn't include the two who fell into my lap with no work needed. They don't count - outsince of the timeline I am talking about and also no effort - also you can guess which ones they were.
A date was anything where I knew it was a date - or anything that they planned to be one without telling me - if it was with open intentions of getting an indicator of romantic interest.

because like Einstein said about insanity: "doing, repeating the same thing over and over and expecting different results" i wish i knew if there was a simple logical way to approach and pursue girls the right way to reduce my chances of rejection or friend-zoned

Yeah. Rejection can't be just brushed off, by all people. Certainly not by me. It hurts, for a long time, usually. After repeated rejections, it becomes tempting to not bother trying approaching anyone anymore.

Most women do not want quiet, shy, nice guys. They regard males being quiet, shy and nice as weak or pushovers. Women want a man who is confident, strong and may be a total jerk,. Females usually prefer the bad boy over the sissy nice guy. Some guys who do not make it must change their game or just accept things will never change.

lol, The word in bold sounds like you're from the 1950s or something although what you said is true for the most part.