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DarkRellen
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22 Oct 2012, 5:23 pm

I'm a fifteen year old guy who has been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. I'm new here. this is my first post. Granted, it is sort of depressing. I am having a hell of a lot of trouble finding a date. I have never had a date, and I doubt I'll ever get one. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, I'm just looking at the facts. I'm not ugly or anything. Hell, I'm more attractive than half the people in my school, and I am moderately athletic, but I am also a nerd who is obsessed with firearms and video games. My problem is that even if a girl does show interest in me, I can't pick up on it. I am completely unable to read body language. If I find a girl I like, I am too shy to ask her out. I am an extremely quiet person. In my friends' words, they have to force me to talk to them. I am terrible at comforting people and I have a hard time talking to people. So tell me the truth, am I screwed, or will I get a date before I'm out of high school? I need to know.



muff
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22 Oct 2012, 6:04 pm

i think i was fifteen when i had my first 'date' or whatever it was. i am thirty now. in the absence of gaining skills over time, the answer to your question is that you will eventually get a date. i can think of only one girl that i dated that i actually pursued. this is still something that i would like to get better at (approaching a woman i like, learning if she is into me also, asking her out, etc.), but in the absence of that i still know that i will get a date again. so, i would work on you. do all of the things you enjoy doing in my life and be your own best friend and generally like you. this will attract mates. you will get a date when a girl pursues you, and one will eventually.



J-Greens
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22 Oct 2012, 6:20 pm

DarkRellen, first part of advice: Please don't read too much in the L&D forum, it's generally a haven for guys who are much older who haven't had any luck in the dating scene. Not trying to be pushy or anything, but what you need right now are tons of posts with positive messages.

Truth is, unless you radically start socializing - somehow - you'll find yourself trapped in the quicksand of despair and that is a hole that's hard to climb out of.

Good news is that you're young & diagnosed. Look for sessions that you may get through a doctor that will help with socializing and relationships. Get on them like your life depended on it.



AspieWolf
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22 Oct 2012, 7:30 pm

Welcome to WP! You know, you might be very surprised at the response from a girl if you ask her out, even if you don't really know her very well. It was always hard for me to ask for a date too, when I finally did ask one out, who I barely knew, but rather liked in class, she smiled and said, "Sure! I'd love to." So you can never tell what just might happen. Yes, there will be many rejections, but if you don't try, you'll never have a chance to succeed. Just go for it!


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DarkRellen
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23 Oct 2012, 3:30 pm

AspieWolf wrote:
Just go for it!


Thanks for the advice, but part of my problem is that I'm too shy to "go for it".
It took me three years to ask out a girl I liked. It failed, of course, but my point is it takes me a long time to even grow the balls to ask someone out.



DarkRellen
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23 Oct 2012, 3:35 pm

J-Greens wrote:
Truth is, unless you radically start socializing - somehow - you'll find yourself trapped in the quicksand of despair and that is a hole that's hard to climb out of.


Thank you for the advice. I don't have any problem socializing with many people, I can go to dances and stuff, but I can't talk to people very well. Also, I'm one of those guys where you never know whether I was there or not.



J-Greens
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23 Oct 2012, 4:36 pm

DarkRellen wrote:
[
Thank you for the advice. I don't have any problem socializing with many people, I can go to dances and stuff, but I can't talk to people very well.


In that type of environment speech is non-existent anyway. Most communication is either by dancing, annoying body language that you can't see because the lack of light or hand signals.

If you get around people and socialize with them, you'll learn faster than without a group to latch on and learn from. I'd say from my own experience simply being with people in a social event/area is about 70% of the hard work.



Taybot97
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23 Oct 2012, 5:40 pm

DarkRellen wrote:
I'm a fifteen year old guy who has been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. I'm new here. this is my first post. Granted, it is sort of depressing. I am having a hell of a lot of trouble finding a date. I have never had a date, and I doubt I'll ever get one. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, I'm just looking at the facts. I'm not ugly or anything. Hell, I'm more attractive than half the people in my school, and I am moderately athletic, but I am also a nerd who is obsessed with firearms and video games. My problem is that even if a girl does show interest in me, I can't pick up on it. I am completely unable to read body language. If I find a girl I like, I am too shy to ask her out. I am an extremely quiet person. In my friends' words, they have to force me to talk to them. I am terrible at comforting people and I have a hard time talking to people. So tell me the truth, am I screwed, or will I get a date before I'm out of high school? I need to know.


You sound a lot like me, but possably even better off. At max I'm at average actractiveness and don't play sports but I have had one thing you appear to want, a date.

If my friends wasn't constantly pushing me I probably wouldn't have done it but I did and I'm happy I did. I can't be there to push you but I can be here to say its worth it. There is always the chance she says no but is losing the chance at what you want worth the safety of not getting rejected?

You know what, I'm terrible with words sometimes. But I've been in a very similar situation to you so I believe I may be able to help you. If you want message me, and I'll see if I can help.



JanuaryMan
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23 Oct 2012, 5:45 pm

Hi I know it won't be of much use but just want to welcome you to the board and good luck :) as Pat Benatar once sang...Love is a battlefield! And L&D is the beach of Normandy!



Saishoku
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23 Oct 2012, 6:26 pm

Hey, you're 15. Calm down. I got my first bf at 16, and before that I also thought I would never get anyone and I wasn't able to love. Some don't get a date until they're 20, 25, 30.. 15 is far too early to give up, you are, after all, still a kid (no offence, just stating the obvious here).

And skills in social interaction doesn't come by itself, we have to work for it sometimes (still, all my three significant others have been railed in online, I never once got a bf/gf directly from the "real world". It's allowed to cheat sometimes).



KenM
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23 Oct 2012, 6:38 pm

Welcome. Don't be so hard on yourself. I did not get diagnosed with AS until I was 36. I always knew something was up with me. You are young and have lots more time to practice and learn social skills.



Blammo
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23 Oct 2012, 6:43 pm

Dude, you're 15. I didn't have a girlfriend until 16. And she was crazy.


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lostintime
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24 Oct 2012, 12:27 am

You are only 15. There are many 15 year old who don't date. I had the exact same trouble with noticing if a girl was interested in me. I'm 25 now and I think I've just figured it out. I'm not saying it's gonna take you that long. I can't tell you if you'll get a date before the the end of high school. Why don't you try practicing in the mirror what you'd say to a girl that you'd wanna ask out? Try going up to her and say, "Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go and see a movie with me Saturday night." I would ask her when she is alone and not around her friends so she doesn't feel pressured. If a girl giggles a lot around you or tries to touch you (in a friendly playful) way she is interested. Also you'll find that when you show up her face might light up with a big smile. Just practice asking her out and then take a deep breath and go for it. Good luck!


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24 Oct 2012, 2:09 am

DarkRellen wrote:
I'm a fifteen year old guy who has been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. I'm new here. this is my first post. Granted, it is sort of depressing. I am having a hell of a lot of trouble finding a date. I have never had a date, and I doubt I'll ever get one. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, I'm just looking at the facts. I'm not ugly or anything. Hell, I'm more attractive than half the people in my school, and I am moderately athletic, but I am also a nerd who is obsessed with firearms and video games. My problem is that even if a girl does show interest in me, I can't pick up on it. I am completely unable to read body language. If I find a girl I like, I am too shy to ask her out. I am an extremely quiet person. In my friends' words, they have to force me to talk to them. I am terrible at comforting people and I have a hard time talking to people. So tell me the truth, am I screwed, or will I get a date before I'm out of high school? I need to know.


Most 15 year old boys don't actually have girlfriends, and 15 is probably the minimum age most parents would allow their child to date at, so you should not feel as if you are lagging behind your peers in this area. Quiet and shy is ok for boys your age in terms of what girls your age find attractive. However, as you get older, it starts to become more of a negative than a positive.

Instead of focusing on dating at the moment, perhaps it's best that you just focus on improving your basic social skills and accustom yourself to taking the initiative to initiate conversations more often.



JanuaryMan
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24 Oct 2012, 5:27 am

If it's of any consolation my first proper GF was when I was 17.



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24 Oct 2012, 8:46 am

Don't give up, there are girls that like gaming and gym. You could try joining clubs that play card games like dungeons & dragons, those type of places usually attract gamer type girls.

You have to start taking positive action and believing in yourself if you are going to attract the girl of your dreams.