Why Relationships Don't Last.

Post Reply New Topic

Relationships don't last anymore. I think the reason why is because people have become so spoiled by technology that it bleeds into their dating life. People want the best and coolest.

Tired of your 1 year old laptop? Sell it and get a new one. Got Ipod touch 4th gen? Gotta have 5th gen.

As soon as people are no longer happy with what they have, they have to drop what they have and go out and get a new one. This "out with the old, in with the new" attitude is killing relationships today.

It also makes it harder for people like me who still think love should last forever. Not to mention when you're socially awkward, its harder to make someone happy when they don't get you, and its hard to say the right things. Its hard when you have good intentions and can't express them properly.

Anyone else's thoughts?

I agree!! The one thing that bugs me is how others don't respect those that are already in relationships by flirting with them right in front of their spouses or significant others...thus causing fights and insecurity. Wedding bands aren't even taken seriously any more. I had a woman give her calling card to my husband right in front of my face. I even had a guy pat my bottom right in front of my husband, proclaiming, "You're one hell of a woman." I wasn't flattered because my husband made the following week a living hell for me. I chewed him out over that woman too. People have no shame. They just want what they want without regard for morality.

Thats another thing. People are so worried about pleasing themselves. Relationships, especially marriage are based on love, friendship, compromise, and teamwork.

People don't even want to try, they just want to chase after something else. Love has lost a lot of importance with people today. Its taken for granted. Everything can be replaced, because fixing it is apparently "too hard"

Either people are too afraid to be hurt or they have just lost sense of what love really is.

Personally when I love someone, they are all I want, and once I and IN-love with someone, I intend it to be forever. I'm fully willing to fix things and compromise.

[quote="MetalMax"]...


Disposable spouses have become a very serious issue... people picking up and leaving or just screwing around not caring if they get caught or not...

Many people really are always on the lookout for better, sexier, hotter, richer... It makes me ill with anger.

You're right, its all about making the upgrade. Both men and women do it.

People are taught to "never settle", but its to the extreme in most people's minds. It is supposed to mean, don't settle for someone who doesn't make you happy most or all of the time. People have taken it as finding a fault here and there and that means they aren't right for you and you should find someone else.

To me I just want to find someone I'm happy with, and stick with them. Upgrade the relationship by keeping it interesting, not give up and run away from it.

And yes I am a Metal head, despite all the satanic/evil associations with the genre, its still possible to be a loving person.

It is a bit odd. I've had friends tell me that they get bored of people too quickly, so they prefer one night stands over relationships. I've had another friend walk all over her fiance to be with some douche who manipulated her because she was bored of him. Of course, it's their choice and I can't really judge them, but I don't think I'd do any of that. I don't apply the concept of being bored to a person; it makes it seem as if they are toys or objects to be played with, or as you said, technology. It seems really disgusting to me that others would be so blind to their own selfishness or the way they treat other equal fellow human beings.

That said, while I like new toys and gadgets and video games and all that as much as the next person, I'd like to think that I'm not materialistic and could live without if I had to. Over the years I've found immediate gratification only lasts so long and isn't really worth it in the long run. Ultimately, things don't make you happy, and it's important not to get so attached to them. I guess that might be part of why I don't see other people that way, either.

That's another downside of this causal "hooking up" business... sex is supposed to be a very bonding activity, one that draws a couple closer together emotionally and keeps them together. Lots of casual sex has been shown to stifle or even kill that natural reaction, so they become unable to bond with anyone when they try to.

I guess I should first say this past two years has been difficult and I just had my heart broken but it was wonderful to fall in love for the 1st time with someone. I think relationships don't last because people don't trust, stick with it and fight for what they want. MetalMax, I agree with much that you have said- its like we live in a time where people don't appreciate what they have until its gone.

I believe that also connects with technology and being spoiled. People get bored of their new toys instead of just being happy with what they have, so the best resort is to get a new one.

There seems to be a strong correlation between how people treat material items and other people. I had toys I'd be bored with as a child, but there were special ones I wouldn't give up for the world. My Gi Joe M.O.P.P. Marine. He was my favorite toy. I still have him somewhere packed away.

My point is, when someone makes you really happy, you should treat them like they are special. When things get boring, you can always do something different with them.

You may have a point there MetalMax
However, people are not always worried about pleasing themselves, infact most abusive relationships involve at least one person desperately wanting to please the other.

As for fixing well yes and no. It seems to me most people seem to think its better just to forget or run from things than it is to fix them. But thats always been apart of human society.

Which of course that is a case where someone isn't happy in a relationship. Though I have to think, are they desperate to make them happy so they aren't mistreated? Fear is a mind killer sadly.

Some relationships can be fixed, some can't. Boredom for example can be easily remedied. I'd rather be bored in a relationship than to be alone. Though this is coming from someone who rarely has the opportunity and jumps at it when it presents itself.

(forever alone face)

I actually think you have a good point there. Part of it could just be the way marriages are structured nowadays. Back in the olden days, you'd basically have to petition the pope himself if you wanted a divorce (the 'till death do us part' line was literal), nowadays you just sign a few papers and go on your merry way...with a 50% or so divorce rate it's become much more culturally acceptable to pack up and leave if the going gets tough.

And you are right, people always want the absolute best they can get for themselves. Everyone nowadays wants instant and constant gratification, and if they no longer get it they move on. Very few people nowadays want to put in time or effort for something when they can have it right this second!

I also think that the high level of promiscuity in modern society plays a role as well. I read in a study that the average woman kisses 29 different men by the time she finally gets married (note: averages means there's plenty higher and plenty lower). In the past, I can assure you it was nowhere near that high. When you're kissing that many people, it not only shows that there's that many other relationship prospects out there, but it also invites comparisons between all of them when people do get in a serious relationship. Just a thought!

I always thought the best for me, is what I'm happy with. Personally I've never really got "bored" with loving someone. Maybe I'm boring? I don't know. Likely the way I feel love for another is probably classified as obsession by today's definition. To me it just means dedication, and giving it all I have to give. People don't give each other all the love they have to give in this age, so theres always room to find someone else. I've noticed that people would rather flee their problems than to face them head on. I always face my problems, I feel its just the right thing to do.

Its a lot of our parent's fault to, plus the modern economy. Despite 17 trilion in debt, we can still afford to eat and have snacks lay around until they are stale or rotten. Anyway, my point is, for example:

Pretend there is a little girl named Sally, lets pretend her daddy gave her a teddy bear. She loved the teddy bear, but one day its arm falls off daddy buys her a new one. Sally quickly learns that what is broken, like the teddy, can be replaced. (Replaceable=expendable)

Same Sally again, daddy buys her a teddy, she loves teddy, arm falls off, but instead, (Daddy or Mommy) teaches her to sew the arm back on. Sally learns that what is broken, can be fixed. (After all, the teddy wasn't just any teddy, it was HER teddy.)

Of course the parenthesized part is how I think. What I love and makes me happy is special because its mine, and there is no other like it. I don't want a replacement, because I remember all the good times I had with it. Good memories are a foundation of who I am. I continue to look to the future in hope that one day I could have new good memories, and one true love.

Come to think of it, I treat friends and objects like "This is my rifle, there are many like it, but this one is MINE, My rifle is my best friend......" Not that I am implying ownership over other humans, but they are special because its my teddy bear, or my friend, or my love, and to me, they can't be replaced. Maybe I don't take anything for granted.

For me it's because I don't prefer monogamy or long term relationships. Neither do the people I date.

_________________
http://www.facebook.com/eidetic.onus
http://eidetic-onus.tumblr.com/
Warning, my tumblr is a man-free zone

MetalMax, it sounds like you and I have a lot in common. In fact, if I didn't know any better, I'd think your posts in this thread were written by me. Well, except for the analogy to technology... But I've definitely noticed how everything, including people, are considered expendable these days, and it's incredibly sickening. Everyone says they want to be loved, but it seems like their idea of love is having a slave.