Put things in perspective for me regarding shyness

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starryeyedvoyager
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11 Oct 2012, 1:03 pm

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Not saying I am easily influenced, but that cartoon really made me question my shyness when it comes to women... because I actually think it holds true for many people, and that includes me. I am usually a rather humble person and don't really have an ego to speak of, but thinking about it... it really is not the rejection I fear, I fear how the person rejecting me might view me from that point on. Time to change my ways, I guess. Anyhow, I just thought I'd leave this here, because to me, it was really inspiring.



DialAForAwesome
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11 Oct 2012, 1:13 pm

I rarely ask girls out because I know this will happen. Every single time I do, they never view me the same anymore and just treat me like I raped them. So I don't really bother now. In fact, one girl I liked recently, I told her I liked her (in a short, honest way) just because I KNEW she would reject me, and to get it out of my system. And guess what? She's treating me like I raped her now too. She ignored my texts on purpose for 3 days and then proceeded to say hi to me today, in a smarmy tone, and then got mad when I wouldn't talk to her.

So in my case, it's not shyness. It's more like I know what will happen in every case involving me.


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JanuaryMan
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11 Oct 2012, 1:35 pm

I think a person that will forever think of you as "that guy that really likes me" even after they reject you and you have moved on is either very childish, conceited or has vanity issues. Even if they would see you differently from then on if they aren't mature enough to handle their new perception of you responsibly they aren't worth worrying about anyway.



starryeyedvoyager
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11 Oct 2012, 2:19 pm

JanuaryMan wrote:
I think a person that will forever think of you as "that guy that really likes me" even after they reject you and you have moved on is either very childish, conceited or has vanity issues. Even if they would see you differently from then on if they aren't mature enough to handle their new perception of you responsibly they aren't worth worrying about anyway.


Yes, exactly. I've just never thought about it that way, and it makes perfect sense. Can't blame a man for trying, and I'd personally see it as a compliment if nothing else if I got hit on in a nice and charming manner. If someone judges me badly because I showed open interest in them as a human being and suitable mate... their problem, not mine.



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11 Oct 2012, 4:03 pm

I'm trying to figure this out: Does the cartoon mean that we hold ourselves so high, that we fear a rejection will bring us down, or is it that we hold ourselves so low, and a rejection will confirm this?


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again_with_this
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11 Oct 2012, 4:04 pm

starryeyedvoyager wrote:
Yes, exactly. I've just never thought about it that way, and it makes perfect sense. Can't blame a man for trying, and I'd personally see it as a compliment if nothing else if I got hit on in a nice and charming manner.


So when a man hits on you and you tell him you're not gay, you won't feel any awkwardness whatsoever if it's a guy you work with or have to see on a daily basis?



starryeyedvoyager
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11 Oct 2012, 4:52 pm

again_with_this wrote:
starryeyedvoyager wrote:
Yes, exactly. I've just never thought about it that way, and it makes perfect sense. Can't blame a man for trying, and I'd personally see it as a compliment if nothing else if I got hit on in a nice and charming manner.


So when a man hits on you and you tell him you're not gay, you won't feel any awkwardness whatsoever if it's a guy you work with or have to see on a daily basis?


This is one of the few questions I can proudly and honestly and answer with yes, because that has happened years ago while I was working in a church doing my civilian service. Well, the guy didn't work there as in: he got paid, but he came there as a volunteer to help regularly. Was actually kinda weird because it was a black guy from New York who moved here because of one of his former boyfriends, and he stayed after it didn't work out (I think his name was Kenny iirc). First time I met him he hit on me quite directly. While I did think it was weird, I told him I wasn't gay, and he said something akin to "Oh, no problem, just thought I'd test you out right away." And at least for me, there was nothing awkward to it, and in fact, we got along quite well together until I was done with my work there. I haven't seen him again after that, but I heard he moved back to the US a few months after I quit working there. So yes, he didn't hit on me in a bad way, and I did actually feel quite flattered because from an objective point of view, he was an attractive man with a very cheerful spirit and always a smile on his face... was almost contagious. Makes me actually a little sad that I didn't undertake any efforts to stay in contact with him, he was really a nice guy and it wouldn't have hurt at all to know someone living in NYC that could be a contact there.