What do I do here?

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So there is a girl I met online, with whom I've kept sporadic contact. I like her, and I *think* she likes me. We've been on two outings, though oddly she seems reticent to even hug me. But we seem to enjoy one another's company, although we go weeks without seeing one another, because I'm busy, and she's extremely busy as a pianist.

Honestly though I'm getting tired of trying to contact her and not getting a reply. Not long ago, she invited me to her big recital, and several times I've asked her if she'd like me to bring my camera gear to record her performance so she'll have it to remember.

She hasn't even replied to my offer. I could understand if she's nervous, so she could just say "thanks, but it's not necessary," and I'd completely understand. But it pisses me off when I make a generous offer, and she won't even respond.

I'm f*****g sick of these goddamn games people play, and the walls people erect. Are people TRYING to be alone? Because they sure act like it with how they seemingly disregard attempts by others to make human contact. I sure don't like being alone. But it's not like I'm trying to rush either. I just want to see her more and get to know her, and be available, and she can't even accept that.

Am I being the better man, or a doormat in a one sided thing by still going to the recital? Or do I follow my gut, and wash my hands of this person entirely, and skip the recital, unfriend her on facebook, delete her number, and just return to the status quo?

God, people are sometimes really, really worthless.

Hey man don't worry so much about it. This is an easy one. She's not romantically interested in you so move on. Whatever feelings you have for her are not being returned to your satisfaction so that is that. I mean if she's not even gonna respond to basic friendly messages then she's your, not so good, friend. Time to start looking for love elsewhere

That's what I was thinking too. (sigh) I was hoping this would turn into something. Marriage isn't a goal, or anything I dream about. At this point, just having someone who actually calls me to hang out once in a while, and not the other way around. Someone to spend a Saturday evening with, because I'm sick of being alone filling my time tinkering with gadgets and projects that go nowhere. To know what it is like to be loved. That feeling is so alien to me, I don't even know what it is like, or if I'm capable of receiving it. I sure am capable of giving it, though no one seems to want it. What the hell is wrong with people?

If you have been out twice, and she has invited you to her recital, I wouldn't dwell on the camera question being ignored. She might be shy and not want her pictures taken, but is trying to find a way to tell you that without hurting your feelings. She could be really busy and not consider that a highly important question, or a priority. I have been told I don't always answer questions people ask me, but there is a valid reason for that. If I have too many things going on in my life, the less pressing issues tend to be pushed to the background. I do understand your frustration (I can be a lot like you) but I am also trying to see it from her point of view and letting you know it might not be as bad as you think it is.

When is this recital?

girl asking you out to something, very good
its something personal, very good

so far the only negative is that its tough to communicate at times. i would put aside the fear, and go to the recital and have a good time, and let her know you miss her.

while you may not know if she wants more, ending it will give you 100% chance that it wont turn into more.

I just don't think it's happening with this woman. It took a month between our first and second dates, and every time I'VE invited her out, she's declined or not even responded. The only times we've met have been on her terms, like a previous recital she played. It was a month between our first outing and our second. That is so FRUSTRATING. I just want someone to hang with. Drives me f*****g nuts that I've grown to be more assertive, to be the man who takes charge, and now the other person is too damn timid? Screw it.

I'm not going to wait around to get dumped again once she finds someone better, and she no longer needs me to occasionally validate her self worth. Christ it's like pulling teeth just getting her to hug me.

An hour or so ago, she tied to reach me via facebook chat, thanking me, but declining my offer to film her recital. Know what I did? I ignored her and logged out. I'm gonna move on, I don't need her, I don't need anyone, I'm sick of being hurt, so better to keep people at a distance or wash my hands of them entirely.

If this is how you react to an un-replied message then i think you need to calm down otherwise the potential dating / relationship is not going to last. [edit, upon last post] there goes you're friendship with her. she doesn't sound particularly mean, just a little unsure. I've been that very person you're describing but i have always meant well. Good luck for next time :)

its good your being assertive, i dont think this situation is that bad

she probably does read your emails and just might not have time to reply. so i would take some time and write out a nice respectful one stating that you really like her and want to see some more emotion from her side or else you are only left to assume she is not interested. that or you could do it in person or over the phone.

it forces her into an ultimatum. either she is too shy to push the relationship forward, and its time to get out. or just shy enough that she will respond positively and just wanted to know that you do care about her. or you find out that she was not interested for other various reasons. you still get to control how it ends, or you get more from her.

if you are going to take my advice, just make sure you dont sound threatening. statements like "im going to move on because i dont know how committed you are to this" are better than "i cant stand the way you treat me and wont put up with it". both are honest, but the second leaves too much to her imagination and would think of you as angry

What friendship is what I ask? It was pretty one sided. I paid for dinner the first time we met. I was there for her, going to her recital. I offered to film her next recital, which would've involved bringing my gear and spending my time editing the footage and getting to a playable format. I put myself out there for her when she needed/wanted me, but where was she every time I needed someone to go to the movies, or just to hang out? She was busy. Always busy. Or she wouldn't even reply at all, or not until after the fact. I put myself out there, and she won't let me in.

Well screw it. Next time, it's gonna be on my terms, and if the other person has a problem with it, she can take a walk.

I understand you feel put off, but in my opinion, it is a case of easing yourself in. you gotta build things up bit by bit, even with just platonic friendship it involves a lot of BS and guessing but that's the language people use. Maybe ask WP at each stage next time and we'll tell you when to text / whether to text. use the power of the panel :)