Relationship Woes

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So I'm in a a relationship with this girl (I'm a lesbian by the way)...I have been for 7 months. She was aware that I had been diagnosed with Major Depression caused by Anxiety prior to meeting her. While with her I was diagnosed with ADD. And for awhile she had a growing suspicious that I might have Bipolar disorder because of some of the behaviors I exhibited with her. After going through testing in order to solidify diagnosis and get the medication I needed from an actual psychiatrist rather than a general practitioner, I was professionally diagnosed with Aspergers and PTSD.

Throughout our relationship she has constantly told me things like I need to change...I'm rude...I'm a jerk...I don't care about her/I am selfish etc. Upon hearing the diagnosis it was a bit of shock but also sort of like a relief because in research it explains a lot of my behavior...the problem is I feel like even with this diagnosis my partner doesn't put into consideration there are things I have no control over/need help with...but she seems to only focus on the fact that for the past 7 months I've been a "horrible" girlfriend to her and she's at her wits end saying that I have a week to figure my s**t out as far as going to therapy, getting a psychiatrist and treatment or she's leaving me.

It's hard enough having to deal with the fact that I've been spending months trying to treat depression/anxiety/ADD to find out there were other things going on....but to have someone, especially the one person I love and care about give me this sort of ultimatum is painful.

Also the fact that she accused me shortly after finding out my diagnosis that I purposely am acting out using my diagnosis as a shield to do whatever I please was hurtful to hear saying that she's worked with Aspies before and can recognize the difference between what can be controlled and what cannot.

Has anyone else had to deal with this sort of behavior?

I'm a lot like you in a way. I was diagnosed with a myriad of different mood disorders, and even a personality disorder throughout my teen years. I was often depressed and confused, and yes, I acted out and could be a jerk. A lot of times, especially when I was younger, I simply did not think about what I was saying or how my actions affected others.

I got diagnosed with Asperger's soon after I turned 24, and finally, things started to make sense and come together for me. I finally got access to the right kind of help, and my life improved.

I would say that you need a little bit more time to accept this diagnosis, learn more about it, and start figuring out what works for you and what doesn't. I would suggest talking to your girlfriend, and asking her about her prior experience with Aspies. Just what has she seen from them, and what does she think you can or can't control? I'd find that out from her and then try to go from there.

It also seems to me like she's being a little too harsh on you. Yes, you may have hurt her, but it probably was not intentional. You should tell her that and talk it through and figure out what behaviors are bothering her.

I'm just speaking from my own personal experience. I'm an Aspie female with an NT boyfriend. We do have issues occasionally with him feeling like I don't care, or that I've said something hurtful, or whatever. We often don't understand each other. And sometimes it is my fault, but other times he is misinterpreting me, because he forgets that I don't quite operate on the emotional level of most girls.

I would say that you should always be willing to apologize if you've said something hurtful. But if you were honestly not trying to be hurtful, you need to make sure that she understands that. I do this a lot with my boyfriend and I make sure that I explain my reasoning or thought processes behind my actions. It helps us a lot, and we usually can both come to an understanding and find a happy medium for us both.

So... it is possible that you may need to work on your behavior to be more sensitive to her. However, she needs to understand that she needs to work on her behavior, too. Calling you a jerk and saying that you do not care about her is hurtful to you and not at all healthy for your relationship. Make sure she knows that.

As for the ultimatum that she gave you... I honestly don't know what to say about that. It seems so harsh to me. You've just figured this out, you need more time. She can't expect you to totally change your life in a week. That's ridiculous!

Update: So it seems like I am no longer with my girlfriend any more as she decided that she needed a "break" suggesting for a couple months tonight...she mentioned again how I was selfish, cold, and didn't care about her and that even though she loved me and didn't want to lose me that she couldn't do it any more. She promised things wouldn't be weird and that she still wanted to 'see' me in the sense that she didn't want us to be be 'friends' and said she couldn't imagine living a life in which she couldn't speak to me any more and just having one another cut each other out of the others life....I'm still in this state of saddness, pain, anger, etc.

I'm going to be honest...I have a lot of resentment right now. I don't really understand this whole situation and she won't even allow me to get a clear explanation other than the fact that she's blaming my behavior as the reason why she can't "be" with me any more and that clearly wants time away from me.

I'm so lost...I don't know how to feel....