NT hoping to gain some insight...

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...into a guy I've grown close to since I met him three weeks ago on my first day of college. Let's call him Jon (name changed just in case he browses the site, though I doubt it).

We share two classes. For the first week I mostly ignored him and just focused on figuring out a working schedule and joining clubs. Yeah, we talked, but only for him to borrow a syllabus or let me look at his textbook for a few minutes.

A week later, me and a friend encountered Jon in the school's main dining hall. I invited him to have a drink with us, and he agreed. The three of us spent an hour joking together, and he agreed to show us a local sandwich shop the next day. From then on, we spent time talking before and after class (but not during!), went out to lunch often, studied together the past two weekends, and he's even convinced me to join a handful of clubs he's active in.

In between all this, I guess I developed some awkward feelings between "girly crush" and "romantic interest". Jon's honest, sweet, and sensitive. There are his obvious attempts to impress me that are so adorable, and then there's his care for me when he asks if I've eaten (Jon eats like a garbage dump, so my 1,000 calorie limit must seem like starvation).

This morning I found out he has Asperger's. I guess he's on the lowest end of the spectrum because some of our exchanges are entwined with sexual innuendo and he takes my teasing with pride.

I'm 80% sure he likes me more than a friend--the other 20% takes into account that I might be delusional, and maybe the nice dinner we have planned this weekend is just a friendly outing.

I spent a few hours avoiding homework and debating whether or not I should end my feelings towards Jon, but I decided that wasn't right. I liked him before I knew about this side of him, so the only one who needs a reality check is me.

The question is: how should I let him know I like him, Asperger's and all? Is there some secret code I have to follow? A secret society I need to be mindful of?

tl;dr 18 year old girl likes an Aspie

Yes. We aspies do have a secret code because we're a secret society. I do have the codes and can sell them to you for on;y $1000.
Tonight, though, we have a special. You can learn all you want from WP for free. Just ask away.

If he is aspie, its better that you might wanna just be straight-forward and let him know. That's typically what works best cause we kinda suck at trying to make out other peoples intentions and especially in the games of dating, we have a very hard time knowing if someone likes us or is just being friendly? Perhaps, you can at 1st hint strongly, if hes not picking things up, come out and say it.

No, no, no, no, no, you're confused! NEUROTYPICALS are the ones with the secret codes, and WE'RE the ones who are honest and straighforward!

But, seriously, I strongly, STRONGLY suggest being completely and utterly blunt with him about this, ESPECIALLY if he's the one who told you about his Asperger's Syndrome, because he may not even know that people get interested in him. Take a lesson from me--as good as I am at sexual innuendo and jokes and sarcasm, I'm still a dolt when it comes to reading body language and meaningful "subtle hints." Another thing you can do is ask him how good he is at taking hints if you REALLY want to be subtle about it. If he's any good, you can hint to him; if he's not, just come out and say it.

I think that's awesome your coming here to ask for help.

I want to correct one thing first though.

You said he's on the lowest end of the spectrum.

When referring to AS, low end actually refers to those who cannot take care of themselves or who have great difficulty. Someone who is close to being "Neurotypical" is referred to as high functioning.

As for the general situation, I think, if you're comfortable with it asking him out might be the best way to go. Subtlety is often lost on AS people

@diniesaur:
Thanks. Now I've got a general plan. I'll ask him about how good he is with reading hints. Great advice!

@thewhitrbbit:
I knew there were secret codes. Thanks for clearing it up, I won't make the same mistake twice.


This forum has been really helpful. I'm going out to lunch with him tomorrow after our morning classes, so I'll ask him then. Thank you, everyone!

I would do so via text or chat. That takes the pressure off of him to react "properly" and gives him time to think out his reply. My husband did this when we first got together, and it made things a lot easier on me to reply.

I think dating an aspie is quite an experience. You should try it!

As for sarcasm, just ask him to ask you if he doesn't get if you're serious.

Also, be straight up with your feelings. Just say "Jon, I like you more than a friend. Do you feel the same way towards me?"

You can text it, email it, say it in person... the only thing that matters is that you let him know. The worst thing you can do with an aspie is beat around the bush.