Where do people get their confidence?

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Well, is there some drug that everyone else is on that I'm missing out on? Something that everyone can do except me?? There's someone I want to talk to, I just can't, even when she talks to me... If I had a little more confidence I know I could make her laugh, and I could tell her that I love her taste in music and that we should be friends... Everyone else my age is so confident, there must be some sort of technique? Or at least some advice? Whenever she's near me I break out in a could sweat, I can barely breathe, let alone speak What do I do to be confident around her? She's all I want.

Standing on the sidelines blows. Do it enough and you either become some bitter pain in the ass or you realise that life is short, embarassment is even shorter and the potential rewards can outweigh the risks and then get off your ass and do something about it.
That or sit in your room wasting your life. Your choice.

(just re-read this... it sounds harsher than I'd intended, but my point still stands...when you read it, mentally subtract about 50% of the harsh)

Talk about her interests. god.. I'm giving advice *I* can't even take

specifically ask her about her interests, her bands she likes, songs.. Of course, I find asking too many specific questions results in a increasingly bitter responses.. I guess I ask TOO many questions

Problem is your thinking negative, need cognitive therapie, got to turn the negative words your using into less negative words or even so instead of focusing on what could happen, try finding out what really will happpen.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_therapy

Perhaps speaking as a female, maybe i can be of some assistance! Confidence, to me (since it took me so many years to the little something i'm proud to say i have today), is all perception... as long as you dont think about it- then it comes across naturally.... similar to how you go to the doctors office and don't think about shots but by the time you know it, you're done and on your way? its just like that. i don't have confidence- but i find that many people think i do as long as i don't put myself down and just don't think about it, it comes across naturally...

Even if she is the most beautiful, most intelligent, and sweet person you've ever met, just act as cool as possible and instead of focusing on her being right in front of you, think of your mom or grandma...someone you're comfortable and at ease being around... visualizing like this is SO helpful! lol its funny cos the aspie man that i had a crush on would break out in a cold sweat on his upper lip and managed sentences but i could tell he was a bit nervous (lol but i thought it was CUTE!! ! lol).....i hope this helps and you can feel free to pm me if you'd like!

Thanks guys

beer

The drug is self-assurance and it takes years of dedicated work to build. Can't say I'm all the way to where a lot of NTs are at yet but maybe 70 or 80%, really giving it my all to catch up on that last 20 or 30.

Unfortunately, yeah, this works. That doesn't mean it is a good choice, or that it should be used for that reason.

I wouldn't do it myself, but many people refer to it as "liquid courage". I have abstained from drinking entirely because I don't want to become a alcoholic, wife-beating, sack of s**t... I also don't want to wake up to something scary in the morning.

Liquid courage is like courage on any other kind of drug. Its something that you get with your friends to cut loose and have a good time with em. Of course if your someone who has addictive proclivities or have noted that you have trouble keeping discipline over your own actions when you drink or otherwise its a bad idea. Any other way though its completely on you how you behave. I've been lucky enough I think where I can't say I've ever been out of control on anything - maybe kinda sloppy or stupid at times but I still could have snapped right into form if something happened that demanded that I shape up and act as if I was sober.

The trick to being confident is faking it, most of life is false anyway.

Ouch, talk about a downer.

That or you could detach yourself, but this doesn't always work well. The reason, i think, that you are having trouble talking to this girl is because it matters to you, what she thinks of you matters, it is becoming a big deal annd you are building it up. If you step back and tell yourself that she is just another individual, another human being, it might help.

Who says self-delusion is a bad thing?

Maybe he does need to step back and build legit confidence. As an aspie I had a really difficult time faking it just because having to deal with the results and checks that took felt like a pretty dangerous game. Yeah, there's something to carrying yourself with dignity and that doesn't have to be directly caused by anything other than you just feeling that its what you want of yourself, the rest can be a bit performance based at times. I think with anything like this though its never something a person can build over night, to be confident or self-assured takes years of trying to retrain your nervous system to work that way and everytime life throws you a curveball you have to learn to take to it in a constructive way, even if it hits pretty badly (particularly looking at letdowns or hardships as learning opportunities). What I did when I really felt like I had dating problems was pull myself off the scene and retool. I still right now even don't feel fully ready, there is a girl at work I do like but I just entertain the idea and flirt with her in ways that I don't feel will make me or her uncomfortable because I get the impression that if something comes of it cool if not oh well since there are so many people out there. Even if meeting someone I'm really attracted only happens at best maybe once or twice a year still, that means I could meet 20 more such women in the next 10 years and that's if I do nothing - if I get out there more I could double that and probably get much better interaction going with them than just living in parallel through work or the like.