Opposite problem of everyone else here

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Kezzstar
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01 Jan 2013, 2:38 am

I'm a 24 year old woman who is mildy attractive and loves Aussie Rules Football and Cricket (I'm often seen at games by myself) and I wish guys would just leave me alone! I am already very much interested in someone, and if I can't have them I'm more than happy to be single for the rest of my life.

It wouldn't be so bad if these guys just wanted to be friends (and there are a few of them who I am now friends with :D) but the vast majority get very upset when I turn them down (I try to be as polite as possible) and one has even started making snide remarks at me online :( . Why does every bloke seem to have this idea in their head that I HAVE to "give them a chance"?

Anyone else have this issue?


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billiscool
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01 Jan 2013, 3:18 am

maybe go somewhere where the men can't find you. where are these guys at? if these guys are always at certain place, maybe you could find a new location to hang out at.



Dillogic
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01 Jan 2013, 3:23 am

Kezzstar wrote:
Anyone else have this issue?


Yeah.

Seems like it's just as bad as the other side, as instead of you feeling disappointed, you see it in others -- you can get used to disappointment within yourself, but it's hard to not care about making others feel it (well, that's if you're the caring type).



Kezzstar
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01 Jan 2013, 3:30 am

billiscool wrote:
maybe go somewhere where the men can't find you. where are these guys at? if these guys are always at certain place, maybe you could find a new location to hang out at.


Unfortunately I follow specific teams and they always play at the same places. I'm not going to punish my teams by withdrawing my support because of these guys. And even if I do move sections, there's usually new blokes who want to cause trouble.

Hell, even sitting in the same place all the time there's always one new bloke who wants to try it on every so often. It's ok when they take the rejection well (like I said I've made a few friends) but usually they're like "whatever *naughty word*" and storm off. Then I feel bad for the next few minutes (until I see my crush and it's like :heart: lol).

Plus all my new friends (male and female) are there and on the times where I don't get annoyed I have a really good time (pending team winning LOL).


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Shau
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01 Jan 2013, 3:35 am

Kezzstar wrote:
Anyone else have this issue?


Not really. Anyway, sweetie, this is what you need to do: Dress more plainly, don't wear makeup, and if you're still getting hit on after that, then you need to start doing stuff that makes you intentionally unattractive like wearing your makeup all screwed up and mis-matched clothes.

Good luck!



cozysweater
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01 Jan 2013, 3:46 am

Are you visibly there with other people? I know it's sexist, but a woman on her own can be perceived as fair game. (aka up for it)
In my experience, if you stick close to your friends/girlfriends, the fellas are either too fearful to approach or generally have their manners about them.
If you're on your own, I think you'll have to be a bit harder and not mind the name calling. It's a sad state, but there you go. (In the latter, carry pepper spray just in case. Rather a minor weapons charge than an assault, right?)



windtreeman
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01 Jan 2013, 3:53 am

Just wear a ring and wave it in their face if they come on to you. No guy can moan about being rejected if it's simply because you're 'married.' Yes, it requires a lie, but you don't explicitly have to say you're married; the visual should be enough to ward off most potential suitors. I've had a few friends from AU and I'm always shocked by how different male-female interaction is over there - it always sounds like the guys come on MUCH stronger than in the U.S. and are substantially less respectful when their demands aren't met. It's like, Lord of the Type-A's over there, right? Haha, that's a broad generalization and probably unfair, but I'm basing this more on what these girls explained to me than any observations I might have made or conclusions I'm inclined to draw.


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Bunders
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01 Jan 2013, 3:53 am

Wear a ring on whatever finger would indicate that you are married?

Wear another on your middle finger in case that fails? :wink:

B.


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LittleTigger
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01 Jan 2013, 4:05 am

I gave up on love years ago.


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Autinger
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01 Jan 2013, 4:20 am

Well first of all, I strongly believe that men can only be friends with females "off limits" by the man's personal code and females they want to "have a chance at". (The first group sometimes overlaps with the second of course). So the mere fact you're "midly attractive" and roam around "man events" thus meet a lot of men who feel like they've got "home court advantage" will make a lot of them approach you or try to "have a chance at" after only knowing you for a short time as "friends".

A men's personal code can be wifes, girlfriends, a number of dates/time passed, because you remind him of his sister/grandma/whatever or even, like me I suppose, because they know they may not be able to make you truly happy in the end. A men's code can of course also barely have anything like what I just said (which sees to be a growing trend among men sadly) and that leaves just the woman they want to make whoopie with.

I recognize the being interested in someone and "otherwise I'll just stay single", because I think if at this stage in life/knowing the people I know I got into a relationship and even married/children with someone else and this person 20 years down the line (not drastically changing of course) would come into my life and I felt I "had a chance at it" I'd take it.
Someone "better" can come along of course, but they would only take that first person's place if they remained unattainable too. I rather be single than in something I can't plan "till death do us part" pretty much.
But I think all men also have a level of this. I'm pretty sure that at "any event" your average male will scan the room for "his pick" and if that lady ends up being a no go, they'll close shop for the night at that place. Even if the "second pick" is still "better" than the "first pick" at another place. I suppose the term at which men look at their relationships/selection process is what only really differs in men on that level.

So in (my) conclusion; if you're a female with a guy friend, he 99% sure wants to make whoopie with you, and the only reason he hasn't attempted yet is because he's bound himself by some rule, or just because he hasn't found the moment yet. You "can" be "friends" with the rulebound guy I suppose, but if it happens to be a rule with some kind of expiration possibility that holds him back, he'll go for it as soon as it's lifted, (or booze). (or at least move to the "hasn't found the right moment yet group"). Finally, I think all people, or at least men that I know off, have the "if I can't have my number one pick, then I rather have nothing", but for how long and from which group/ect they make this pick is different for everyone.

Let me know if this helped.


Edit: ugg, spend too many hours and breakfast typing my reply (no one had yet when I opened this) that by the time I posted it, other people already pretty much gave the same advice and said the same thing in half the words ;-)
edit edit: so I removed my advice on making yourself look less attractive to not be "a pick" or completely offlimits by having for example a guy friend with you.. well now I said it again but in less words.
edit edit edit: just because I can!



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01 Jan 2013, 7:34 am

i have found that when i use "over-the-top-masculine" plus "confident" body language, men leave me alone.

-lean back slouchily, arm draped across the seat next to me
-legs apart like i have giant balls (have to wear comfy trousers)
-chin up high, then if i look at people i am looking slightly down at them
-wide stance, feet apart, hands on hips
-big gestures, loud laughter
-cursing/swearing

it's like having a cloud of tear gas around me.


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albeniz
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01 Jan 2013, 7:40 am

You can model yourself on this girl:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EO2xP9AwG0w[/youtube]



RazorEddie
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01 Jan 2013, 8:04 am

A wedding/engagement ring or "I'm in a relationship" should work. If they ask why you're on your own, say your SO doesn't like football or follows a different team. That should deter all but the a-holes and I'm afraid nothing much will stop the a-holes.


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Kezzstar
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01 Jan 2013, 2:59 pm

The only downside to the "ring on finger" trick is what if my crush sees? But I think I can get around that.
Thank you everyone! Sometimes it IS just nice to talk about ones problems.


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meems
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01 Jan 2013, 3:23 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
i have found that when i use "over-the-top-masculine" plus "confident" body language, men leave me alone.

-lean back slouchily, arm draped across the seat next to me
-legs apart like i have giant balls (have to wear comfy trousers)
-chin up high, then if i look at people i am looking slightly down at them
-wide stance, feet apart, hands on hips
-big gestures, loud laughter
-cursing/swearing

it's like having a cloud of tear gas around me.


When I read this I thought "She's so hip-hop." which is definitely a compliment.


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01 Jan 2013, 3:28 pm

Don't wear makeup
Wear long loose clothes
Observe how men will magically ignore you :)