Losing my mind over the need for affection

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I'm not quite sure how to feel about love anymore. The term "relationship" has lost its meaning, and has become a transparent word in my region of New York state.

The difficulty to even find such a thing is substantial. It also doesn't help the fact that I don't try at all.

The potential dates at this college, swept away by the bastard with skinny jeans and fancy clothes, or the guy who isn't worth a dime to society.

And yet I'm sitting here typing away at this, bitching and moaning about how I can't get a date.

If I wasn't on the verge of insanity because of deep thoughts of loneliness that cloud my brain whenever something positive comes in, maybe I'd be less bitchy. If I didn't have the ability to have the need for affection, I wouldn't be on the brink of insanity. If I never felt the need for a woman's touch so bad, If, IF, IF...

And yet i'm still here, typing away.

I don't want to lose my mind over the need for affection. I don't want to be a desperate man (by the looks of things, I may be near the brink of that too). I don't want to lower my standards and hire a hooker. I'm a 20 year old virgin, the last among my friends, and that pressure to have someone or to have sex should not cloud my mind.

What is wrong with me...I don't think love is meant for me. Am I bound to be a virgin till death, roaming about single until I am dead?

i lost my mind over my need for affection, and as soon as that happened, i lost my need for affection.

Hey fella, I know exactly how you are feeling. There are a lot of things to know, if you want to change your situation. I want to address this point first. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. There must be a reason that guys dress up like tools and act like douche bags- because it works, and it gets results. Dating, relationships, and attraction is all a numbers game- you play the odds. Do whatever you can to maximize your odds of getting a woman. That includes some of the above tactics.



That pressure sucks. I didn't "officially" lose my virginity until I was at an age older then you are now, and when I did it sucked. Unless you really like the chick and have a connection of substance, its nothing special at all- its just a slapping of meat, if you will. It almost felt like a waste of time. The problem of "losing it" is entirely a mental one that you construct in your head. Waiting for someone worthwhile is much better. I would trade all the tarts and easy college chicks for one special girl, without hesistation.

That being said, attracting women is an art. For guys like me with Asperger's, it doesn't come easily. One has to learn the art. Here is a link to a series of youtube videos that helped my game significantly- I recommend watching it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DsVwYqVhdU

I will leave you with what Morpheus told Neo in the Matrix- "I can show you the door, but only you can walk through it".

when i see something like this:

....it becomes evident that you are probably focusing on the antics of the social "in" crowd instead of the rest of the people around you. it is highly likely that there are loads of lovely single women around you who are not interested in those types, but you are so busy watching the top tier do their thing that you are missing viable opportunities all around you. you probably talk to suitable women in college every single day, but they are not registering on your radar because they are not in that upper social strata. if it is the case, then it will help you quite a lot to focus on the women right in front of you instead of focusing on what other groups of people are doing.

something that tends to work with initiating dating is to focus on the here-and-now, not the past or future. so if you are talking to a nice girl, enjoy the moment itself and don't drag thoughts into it like your unending loneliness, your virginity, your wishes for the future, and so on. and if it goes well, allow yourself to ask for her number or something, but with just a general thought in your mind like "this is cool, i'd like to hang out again" WITHOUT thinking into the future about dates and plans and how lovely she would be as your girlfriend etc. too much thinking about the future or distraction about your sad state of singleness reads as desperation and can scare her away.

I really hate to sound like Mr. Hard-Headed or Mr. Stubborn, but I have not seen one female that doesn't. In the rare instances that they aren't, they're either:

a. Messing around with someone already
b. Is the only female around a group of men
c. I've spoken with them, but there's a mental barrier that I keep putting on myself that only pushes a relationship to a friendship.

I'm not the only one who has seen this happen. Few of my friends (including a couple of female friends) have seen this trend at my college, and are puzzled by it.

it just isn't as prevalent as you think it is, because you're looking at the wrong people. look at this:

^^^that's a lot of people NOT having sex, but if you're just pining after all the people who ARE doing it, you're just not going to see it very accurately.

also, college relationships tend not to last, so just because someone is dating or hooking up with someone right now doesn't mean that it will continue. you could be someone's _next_ boyfriend.

if it affects you this much then chances are you're not ready for it anyways. Atleast this is how i see the whole getting it when you stop caring sort of deal. Its not so much not caring or lookng, its no longer being so affected by it

How often does option number three happen? It does sound like you're pining after the unattainable, perhaps there's actually a fear of that relationship along with that yearning? Having mixed signals is going to nix your chances with a lot of women.

All the time, whenever I become acquainted with a new female friend (which is not common, but not rare).

Do you see yourself as self-sabotaging at all?

I wonder if you have the same problem like me. I just don't see the women giving me signals or clues to when it is ok to approach them. I guess that falls under the social cues problem.

Look, NT men go through the same feelings that Aspie men do, it's just even more challenging for aspires. I have a lot of the same problems, and no answers. But I would advise you on two things: 1. Don't even think about looking for escorts, phone sex, webcam models, etc. That's the road to addiction and a huge hole. 2. College sucks to find a date. Always has. Unless you're looking for a drunken co-ed, and are you going to be proud of that? The best place to find a date is at work, and if you don't work join a club, group, organization, etc. If there's a single woman there you'll spend a lot of time with her, she'll get to know you, and see where it goes from there.

You are like me, except for the fact that you are a guy. I'm a 21 year old virgin.

By the way, what is it that you are craving for in a relationship? Just the sex?

And where do you go out to meet girls?

How does that work exactly? I wish I could lose my need for affection so I could stop being miserable all the damn time.

being that this world was not giving me any affection, i eventually "starved" and anybody who studies human starvation can tell you that after so much time not getting fed, one eventually loses one's appetite. i lost my appetite for affection because i was starved of it longer than a certain amount of time. i eventually had to make other plans.