Will probably be single forever

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Hi all,
I've come to the realisation that I will probably be single forever. Back in my home town all my school friends have got married and had kids, and my brother is on that path as is my closest friend. Where I live and study now there's probably 50% of my friends who are single also (for many reasons), so it's not a big deal here, but my parents are often concerned that I'll have to find someone, and everytime I meet someone I'm not into they say 'what's wrong with him/why not/you can't be too picky etc.'

I'm not all that angry about being single forever, the only 2 real annoyances are that I may not have kids (I am 23 so this isn't a huge deal right now) and the fact I have to justify myself to everyone and people, mostly people in my family and from my home town, think it's because I'm selfish and uncaring.

I have had boyfriends in the past although I am a virgin, but I have fallen in love 3 times with different guys but it didn't work out for various reasons. Now everytime I meet a guy if I'm not in love like I have been it just feels empty and fake and I'd rather be single. Why can't people understand this?

Anyway, just wondering if anyone else out there is probably going to be single forever by choice or not.

This sounds rather similar to my situation; where I'm at right now is a sort of challenging feeling of loneliness... but where I take pride right now is in the activities I enjoy. I don't mind being alone when I apply my methods for coping and doing work on my activities. I enjoy very much inspiration from Buddhism, meditation and such... it feels like self focus and I enjoy that, but as for relationships these days I am not sure where or how or if I even want one... although it is, for me, a feeling that can become quite powerful... I feel the need to apply my coping methods quite often for a few things and loneliness is one of them.

I see it along the lines of this: once you've tasted the best pizza in your life, it seems as if every other pizza after that might as well be from the microwave, or even worse; ketchup on a slice of bread. Only, the best chances of getting another pizza like your favorite may mean having to pay a bit more for it and it may be at the pizzaria on the the next block over. Just what I see from starving in the desert while everyone else is waving their slices around under my nose

My art and music are a lot easier to do when I'm single, mainly because when I've been in relationships the other person doesn't see my need to do these things as important, so I guess they're sort of my self focus. I understand what you mean by having to apply coping mechanisms to lonliness.



Yes yes and yes. Maybe I should go to more pizzerias around the place. Or wait til I graduate and get a job far away, maybe they'll have my fav pizza? I feel like you starving in the desert sometimes..

I know what you mean about being single-I am not picky it seems the people I am attracted to are.

Same here. I'm trying to not be picky, but at the same time, even the not so pretty girls are.

I'm 50. You can just imagine how many I've grown up with that got married and had kids. Yep. I'm the odd man out. It disturbs me but I think at 23 years old at least you still have a fighting chance. Me? Not so much.

I like to think that it can happen at any age, but where I come from being single at 23 is very strange...
And yes it does seem that the people I am attracted to are picky!

many of us come to that realization. but not all of us deal with it the same way. some take it as a challenge to rebuild themselves to a more likeable person. then theres the ones that just give up and try to find something to cover the hole with

I know how ya feel; I am in the same spot. Being the upbeat man I am, I am still hopeful.... even at 25.

Speaking as a guy, probably the most important thing you could do is to make yourself look as physically attractive as possible. I know it sounds shallow, but the reality is the more attractive you are, the more guys will approach you in various settings. Of course they care about personality and compatibility, but chances are most men won't give you the light of day if you don't present yourself well.

At the same time, if you make yourself look *too* attractive, it will actually intimidate guys. They might think, "wow, she is way out of my league", "she'll blow me off right away", "I don't know what to say" etc. So at the same time you have to present yourself in a friendly, inviting way.

There's nothing I like more than when a woman actually holds eye contact with me and smiles when I'm in a bar/club/wtv. You're also more likely to be approached if you're alone or with a female friend. If you're in a big group of friends, particularly one with guys, most men will find that intimidating.

But honestly I don't know enough to really tell you. How often do you go out and socialize? How friendly and welcoming are you? Do you know how to flirt with men who show an interest in you? Have you ever tried things like talking to a cute guy in your class/at work? What caused your past relationships to fall through? Can you hold an interesting conversation? Do you have passions and things to talk about?

I'll answer you honestly. I dress fairly plainly and don't do much in the way of deliberately making myself look 'attractive,' but I do have a lot of guys asking me out and have guy and girl friends which I hang out with regularly. I socialise more than I like to, and I apparently flirt a lot although I don't deliberately set out to (a guy friend who knows me quite well used to tell me to 'use my charm' but I didn't know what this meant when he originally said it) I can attract guys easily enough but the ones I like never like me more than a friend, and the ones who like me I just find overbearing and annoying or just a friend. I'm going on a date today actually but the guy who asked me on it, who likes me a lot, I'm just not that phased about for some reason.

Why did my past relationships fall through? In chronological order from recent to oldest:
1. He was out of my age range
2. Ditto, and his daughter was my age
3. He moved to another city and was abusive
4. I was in love with person #5 still
5. He didn't love me the way I loved him
6. I was in love with person #5
7. Age range again
8. FWB. I didn't want the benefits, he didn't want the friends
9. He was obsessed and called me every day and i wasn't that phased about him
10. He went home to America (I live in Australia)
11. I wasn't ready for anything physical
12. I moved to another city, it was long distance and failed, then he moved to America to be with someone else

All the ones before this were in high school and involved an extremely pressuring-for-sex guy I dated when i was 13, a shy nerdy guy who just wanted to be friends and was my best friend, and a guy with ADHD who I was on completely different wavelengths than. Except for the age range thing and the moving to various places thing, I can't see a common denominator

I'm 30, and never had a girlfriend, and yeah, I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact I'll probably be single forever. My parents will no doubt start asking for grandkids soon. My sister, and my two brothers (all of them non-Aspie) can take care of that.

Well 12 relationships is hardly anything to scoff at. I say just be patient and try and meet others through a mutual interest. For example if you like to cycle join a cycling club, if you like to cook take cooking classes, etc.

The OP gave me the impression you couldn't even get into a relationship with guys. What you actually mean is you have trouble finding a man you have strong feelings for. To claim you'll be single forever is akin to saying you're so incompatible with others that the right man will never come along, which is silly.

My family are already pressuring me



Fair enough. I guess I was being a little dramatic.

Sometimes being single isn't too bad at least you don't have to worry about pouring your emotions on somebody only to get stabbed in the back.It does have its moments of loneliness though I know I already feel it.