Question for the men only

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What the heck is it with aspie guys - they practically break their necks getting your attention and then when you fall hopelessly in love with them, they act like you're invisible!! !! !! !!

Some aspie guys are like that. Others, once they have your attention will actually give you theirs. I've been guilty of what you mentioned but definitely not to the point of love, that is such a strong feeling. I did it because I was getting too much attention. Hear me out on this: I like to have my space, I love just being by myself and when I am it doesn't mean I'm sad or anything, just a preference. Long story short, I felt smothered so I did the opposite of what she was doing; I backed off. Could that be what's happening to you?

I think it just means their afraid you will reject them.

Many moons ago, I met a guy who fell in love with me. Yeah, I felt he smothered me with his attention. It was unnerving. I just didn't understand why he was doing it. I'm not special. I'm paying for it now, though.

true dis.

This...

I used to be all over my girlfriend, and she seemed to love it as much as I did when we met and during the time leading up to when I moved in with her... Then after we started living together, she started to become a bit more distant, and sometimes she tells me she needs her space... So then I try to just leave her alone until she gives me some sort of indication that it's okay for me to sit with her, hold her hand, etc. I don't know your exact situation, but it might be something similar. Maybe for some reason he thinks you need your space, or maybe he's just afraid of smothering you. Maybe he smothered girlfriends in the past, and it led to him getting his heart broken and wondering wtf he did wrong. That sort of thing is EXTREMELY painful, and I don't blame him for not wanting to repeat that mistake, if that's the case.

It's probably like people said, he was tryin hard, and doesn't really know if you want unlimited attention or not. Whenever I get the slightest vibe from a girl that I'm kinda pushing personal space, I back waaay off and give them too much, hence they kinda distance from me. I would try implying you might want more attention, or get in his personal space. If he gives get away from me vibes, then I can't help you at that point. I have no idea why he would want to do that.

Actually...

If he really is trying to get more personal space for himself, there could be a few reasons.
If your ever distracting him from his work or hobbies that require focus, that could easily piss him off. Don't ever ever break our concentration for something silly. We don't mind silly otherwise, but that's the one time, you DO NOT want to break concentration. Either he'll contain his agony, or he'll snap at you like I would. If your helping him, that's a totally different story.
It's not like he loves his hobbies more than you. He might, I have no idea, but telling us to give equal attention to a person, and a hobby at the same time is like asking an elephant to juggle 20 peanuts.

That MIGHT be the case.

Otherwise I would say that he just thinks he would be invading your personal space if he does give you attention. First try implying he can give you plenty of attention. Or, you could get a little blatant. You could say something like;

"Bob, I don't mean to sound like a clingy girlfriend, but you don't (x) much anymore. Why is that?"

x = Whatever thing he did to give you attention.

You can mix, match, and meld that statement to fit your social behaviors towards each other, or you could use it as is, but I think you get the idea.

What the heck is it with aspie women - you practically break your neck getting their attention, and then when you finally have it, they act like they want all of your attention all of the time!! !! !! !!

Okay, end of sarcasm.

There may be 2 things in operation here: (1) The poor guy has so little experience with relationships that he has absolutely no idea what he is supposed to do once he has your attention; and (2) he's expecting an entirely different set of behaviors from you than falling "hopelessly in love" with him.

Maybe he is expecting abuse and abandonment, and love is something that he never expected at all ... maybe he thinks that you are building him up just to figuratively rip his heart out later ...

Years of trying not to act like a creeper + probably not picking up on signals. This applies to plenty of NT guys too (google "clueless guy")

Eeyup. Have this fear too.

It could also be that they like the thrill of the hunt, but don't know how to act when they've got you.

This exactly. Add to that years of getting called a creep for no reason, so you already feel as if you have to walk on eggshells just from that.

This. And perhaps his mind is in it 100%, but the body doesn't know how to communicate that.

This.

I am like that. I've tried to understand why for years. Conclusion is I need a whole lot more space than just about anybody else. I want to be left alone for the most part. I never get lonely, but I may miss my gf. Then we arrange going to a club together or something.

Uhhh...
Your profile says that you're 'male'.

Missprint in your profile?
Or gay?

Or what?