man or boy?

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I noticed on dating sites that a lot of women use the phrase "I want a man, not a boy". What does that mean? I always feel conflicted as to whether to write them since I'm not sure. On the one hand I have a good stable career, my own place, I take care of my finances and don't rely on anyone, I'm responsible and don't get into trouble, would be faithful in a relationship, etc. On the other hand, I have next to no relationship experience and feel kind of intimidated by women, not a great conversationalist and couldn't come up with a date idea to save my life. So am I a man or a boy?

she does not want to date a teenager or a 10 year old.

Every woman is going to have her own definition - and that could vary from one day to the next!

Frankly, she just wants someone that'll make her swoon... who knows what her "must have" hot-button is... muscles? Money? Maturity? Fun-time party-guy? Power? [shrug]

You'll just have to ask her and hope you're lucky enough to get a straight answer!

Yeah I figured it wouldn't be concrete...based on my experience I'd by lucky to get any answer at all! Thanks for your insight.

ok, can we close the thread now?

Emotional maturity defines it for me. Somebody who has grown above their insecurities and has learned to emotionally and philosophically stand on their own two feet.

It could mean that she wants someone assertive.

Yes, very much this. But also financially independent (or having a goal to be), being able to take responsibility for your own actions, willingnes to work on issues. I think that being avare of insecurity is also part of maturity.

I guess these things change with age and place in life. Being in hight school demands a lower level of maturity than taking care of children (going to university and taking care of children at the same time is very mature).

For me (I am only able to speak for myself) these things do not mean boring or "grown up" (I think that it will for many people). I think that there must be time for fun, silly things, exploration and curiosity. Unfortunately I see many people of my agegroup loosing many of these qualities.

This is probably the most accurate response, It means that she wants someone that isn't looking for a second mother and someone that is willing to be attentive.

Independence is a good indicator that the man won't rely on the woman to be a second mother or become dependent on her.

What I think it boils down to, is: A man with a boyish charm is good, women like that I think. But you can have boyish charm without being immature. A man differs from a boy that he is independent, has ideals and goals and knows what he wants. He is straight with his intentions and untiring in his efforts to reach his aims. You can still be playful and sometimes a little childish, as long as you know where and when it is important to be serious and show integrity.
One good thing for the guys who are still a child at heart is that you'll probably always get along with children pretty well, and at least women keep telling that this is an insanely attractive quality.

Thanks to everyone for your input - it definitely gives me a lot to reflect on.

Knows how to use the washing machine, the hoover, and the shower. And does so regularly.

Knows that on payday, rent & utilities are paid first, then travel for the month, then works out how much he needs for food over the month... and buys silly stuff with what is left after that.

Can be trusted to do what he has told you he'll do.

That's basic requirements for adulthood (in either sex) I think.

It means different things for different women, but pretty much all of them make me want to run, because for now I want to be a boy, and want a girl. That doesn't mean I don't want to work toward a career and independence, it's just that people for whom adultness is the primary criterion in a relationship are probably boringly grown-up themselves.

I must be one helluva man then because on top of all this (although I work out food money BEFORE travel; I can always take the bus if somehow money runs out) I'm taking care of a parent, though at the same time, I kinda need her help right now to get the rent paid. Economy and all that.

Yet I'm still single. Ah well.

They mean that they want someone independent, employed and who owns a home/car. That what they mean.

For me that would mean some one mature (but not so much that it takes the fun out of it!) and someone who will treat them properly and won't play games and someone who can look after themselves. That's how I see it anyway...women differ...some can mean money and responsibility.