A little bit confused and upset.

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Hey my Wrong Planet friends. I know I haven't been on in ages but college has kept me super busy and I've been dating here and there.

Okay so I've been dating this guy for a few weeks now. Last weekend he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. I spent the weekend at his house and we went out for breakfast before we went back home. While we were having breakfast he asked if I ever pick up traits from people from past relationships and interests and I said yes to the interests part. He then said that he has commitment issues because he went out with somebody for four years and and he hasn't been in a relationship for 3 years but he's been with other girls. He said he wanted to try this relationship as a "probationary period" just because he's not used to being in a relationship yet. I felt kind of nervous after that, I feel like he should have thought about this more before asking me to be his girlfriend.

Also, he's already mentioned that he doesn't want to get married until he's 35 years old. We're both 26 and I'm in college and he works but I would like to get married but not have to wait until I'm 35 years old.

Here's the thing, I really really like this guy but my personality is really shy and I guess it can be awkward to some people when there are longer silent moments. I'm thinking that may have been a conflict with him but he says he really likes me as well. He texts me and tells me that he misses me. He's really intelligent, he's funny, caring and a really happy and fun person to be around. I don't know what to do now, should I talk to him? should I try and slow things down? I feel like he's not over his previous girlfriend or that I'm too quiet for him or something like that.

He sounds like a nice guy for the most part, but if his and your life's goals aren't compatible, I don't see that making for a promising long term relationship. That in addition to his commitment issue makes this relationship sound like a high risk investment with low returns. He may, after all, decide to bail at any moment for no good reason. Who wants to be worrying about that every day?

This sounds more like FWB than an actual loving relationship... something you say he wants to avoid.

Are you okay with that? Lots of people are... that seems to be the big thing these days.

Sounds like he might be the wrong guy for you. Which can be difficult to deal with when the person is, otherwise, a decent guy. But sometimes priorities just don't match up. It's better in those cases, I think, to just end the relationship before either partner starts to feel more attached than they already are.

Here's the problem (and I counsel on these issues for a living): The dating period is a probationary period. Once that dating period is over, only then should he ask about establishing girlfriend/boyfriend status. He should only ask for a relartionship after he is sure. If he is not sure, then he does not get into a relationship. If he wants any conditions or a backdoor out if it, then he should continue to see you casually and not ask for nor expect a commitment.

The plus here is he is an NT. Meaning? They never say what they mean and never mean what they say - generally speaking. He may say he'll wait till 35 to get married, but in a couple of months or one year he could be so smitten with you that he won't wait that long. Personally, NT's make me nervous because they're hard to read and impossible to decipher because of their wishy-washiness. You, on the other hand, are like me - we like things spelled out in black and white so there's no confusion. Maybe he'll come around, but that's just guesswork.

This probationary period thing, well, at least he was honest but as you said, if he felt that way he shouldn't have asked you to be his girlfriend just yet. What should you do? Well, it all depends on what you want and what you're comfortable with. Do you strictly want a long term relationship that leads to a marriage later on? Are you able to enjoy a relationship as it is, in the moment, without thinking about how will it change in the future? Are you generally happy with him, or only when he's around? I ask this because one option is just going along, having fun and seeing what happens, I'd say it's still too soon to think about marriage, and it is possible to creep him out if you bring that subject up. He could change his mind later, or he could not, but not every relationship must necessarily be a long-term one, not by default. But that varies from person to person, maybe you can't be in a relationship if you don't think it has a future, so in the end it's up to you.