Am I being shit-tested here?

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Yes, it's me and the women again, but since it seems to be a common thing that women do to men, I might as well discuss it here since, hey, I've drawn alot of useful advice from topics I didn't start or even participate in. I talked about this situation briefly in some other thread, and was hesitant to ask for advice for it, as everything seemed to... well, progress, more or less, but after reading through some stuff, I wonder if I am, at the very moment, being "shit-tested" (I don't like the term, but it seems to be what most folks use for this kind of affair, so for the sake of simplicity, let's just stick with it for the time being), so here is a quick rundown of the situation:

I've met her in college, she asked me for my number a while ago. She didn't text me, so I wrote her (because, frankly, I forgot who she was exactly ^^). She immediately replied that she wanted to meet me in college soon, then nothing. I write her again after some time, she says she's sorry she forgot, she's been busy and sick and whatnot. Nevertheless, we met last monday over coffee, I paid, and she immediately said that next time she would invite me. We had a great time talking, she picked a place to sit where we had to squeeze in between some other students, so we were sitting very close together, with a little casual physical contact.

We had a nice talk, she was very cheerful and smiling alot (and as a note: I've practiced smiling with teeth flashing, and I slowly start to get the hang of it and stop looking like Sheldon Cooper), and when it was time for her next course (she waited to about 3 minutes before it started, so she seemed quite hesitant to leave me... and when I met her, she was sitting with some guy friends of hers, and she didn't even introduce me and left them where they were without even saying goodbye to grab coffee with me), we said our goodbyes. The meeting took about 45 minutes, and while it was handshakes for greetings, she wanted a hug for goodbyes. She asked me if I was at college every day, and since I said yes, she asked if I wanted to meet again on thursday, which I accepted. I THINK she even probed me for a possible girlfriend before, because she asked me quite out of the blue what I have been doing the weekend before.
Anyhow, I asked her later if she knew when she'll be there, but she said she'll tell me the same day when.
Thursday came, and she hasn't said anything yet, so I texted her asking if she was going to come. She replied that she originally planned on, but some things came up and that since she has an important exam on the upcoming Tuesday that she wanted to meet again next week. I said, sure, if you're busy, I don't mind rescheduling, and I hinted at that we didn't necessarily had to meet at the college if it was too much of a hastle for her (hoping she'd catch the drift that I was indeed interested in doing something together). She simply replied that "We'll see how we do this together ", and that since she'll be busy learning this weekend, "there won't be much time for that until her exam :/". The last text I've send her (after waiting about 3 days) is me asking if we just wanted to stick with next Thursday, but so far, no reply. Now, it has happened before that her replies took a day or two, so I am not worried about that.
In fact, I am not that worried in general, just, again, confused to no end, because she is behaving so contradictory, more so than I have ever experienced. She seemed REALLY interested in meeting me, and that hugging business and the wish to meet again very soon, all that came from her. Yet she seems quite comfortable with suggesting things like that and then not coming back on it, "forgetting" to text me that she wasn't going to make it, or to reschedule a meeting she suggested to an undefined point in the future.
So, is this what you'd call a "s**t test", does she just want me to prove my mettle, to chase a little bit after her? Is she "interested" in me at all? MAYBE I was not sending any signals (I never do, to be honest) that gave away I might be interested in her (which I am, she's just about what you'd call my type: tall, slim, dark hair, determined and a strong personality as far as I can tell), so MAYBE she is uncertain herself and wants to make sure I had similar intentions. I haven't probed her for a boyfriend, but from what she told about herself, she seemed quite eager to make sure that I got that when she was talking about other guys that those were buddies of hers... she also wasn't wearing a ring or stuff like that, but in retrospect, I should have probed her to get a little bit more certainty.

Yes, I know, I say I make a short rundown and then I write these novels, but I want to make sure I stay as objective as I can, so I don't only supply information that would result in you telling me "what I wanted to hear". I am pretty sure that she is into me, at least to some degree, because she went to great lengths to tell me about what she did and how busy she was, which I thought she did to impress me, and she almost always agreed with everything I had to say. But her replying in very unsteady intervals (sometimes within seconds, sometimes it takes days), and her overall contradictory behaviour leave me a little baffled. I've played it safe so far, giving her little reason to assume I got overly attached, wanted to force something or to appear "weak" and "unmanly" in her eyes, but I would be grateful on advice how to progress, as I really would like to get to know her better, she seems both really fun and smart.

Thanks in advance for taking your time to read and comment!

Could be completely wrong here, but sounds like your her gay friend. You know, that lucky guy that gets to sit there while she trys on clothes for a party shes going to a week later, or that gets talked to alot about her relationship problems - as in, her interest in you seems really chummy but thats it.

Haven't considered that, but it doesn't feel like I'm being friendzoned... we're not even friends, at least I wouldn't call it that since we've met... once, recently, and one time before that, and she seems to have enough male platonic friends. Not saying you're wrong, but I am not sold on that, as, well, she's going to great lengths, at least to some degree, to just have yet another platonic guy-friend.

^^^this, sort of. she seems to like hanging with guy friends:




i would ask her straight up, "are you blowing me off?" but i am like that.

Oh well, then, seems I got that situation wrong again. It was just a little... well, out of the ordinary that she seemed to really want to meet with me and all that, haven't really been in a situation where a woman / girl initiated something like that, so I assumed that there'd be something more to it than this. Guess I overestimated my own level of attractiveness by quite a bit there. Still makes me wonder she'd go to such great lengths to ask to meet with me again so soon, I mean, we don't really know each other well enough to even consider ourselves friends, and if she really wasn't into me, which apparently seems to be the case, then why bother suggesting a second meeting again so soon at all? Man, everytime I think I got this whole women thing figured out, a new one comes and throws you another curveball ^^... somehow, it does get a little frustrating, as I don't grasp what I might have done "wrong".

well, i could be wrong. she doesn't sound like she is being very nice to you, though

Thanks for your insight on this, nontheless!

Well, she was very cheerful and nice when we met, and, like I said, she suggested to hook up again, and I just had the overall impression that she didn't consider this our last meeting (e.g: the coffee thing, alas, this might have just been her being polite to say that'd she be paying "the next time"... I haven't this part of human social interaction figured out yet^^), and it was actually the first time I thought I left a lasting impression, as she was laughing and smiling and all that, but I guess there's no point in fooling myself. Either she was just being polite, or I did or said something without realizing that rubbed her the wrong way. Who knows, maybe she really is just really busy learning and all that, guess I'll never find out.

I'm going to contradict everyone here...you are definitely not the 'gay friend.' You've got to be gay to be the gay friend, and women generally claim to be particularly adept at determining who is and who isn't. If you guys didn't talk about fashion, decorating, or anything else women typically do with their gay friends, I think you're totally in the clear, in that regard. I know I sound like I'm stereotyping that setup but don't women like gay guys because they share feminine interests without also being any kind of sexual threat? I hate to say it, but I've been in your situation probably ten times, man. Women who showed immense interest, actually proposing the get together's until a few days later, when I decided to confirm it's still on, they complain of being sick and we'll do it another time. Isn't it confusing? Why would she seek a hug without being seriously interested? The sad thing is, I've tried everything...not texting them regularly and waiting for them to make the move (rarely works), texting or calling every few days to try my best to set up another get together (sometimes worked) and outright asking if they're interested (never worked). I feel like I'm a likable guy, extremely kind and considerate, in shape and women have called me very attractive at times, so I really have no idea why I've failed so often. The one time I was successful, and the date or hang-out eventually resulted in a long-term relationship, it was so obvious that she was extremely interested that it made me seriously think all the other girls might have not been interested at all (despite the physical contact or fact it's usually their idea to go out). If I had advice, it would be to try your best, not to become obsessed. It might be too late and it's awful advice coming from a guy who obsesses over everything, but I know women immediately shutdown if they get the impression that you're substantially more interested in them than they are in you (even if they're somewhat interested); you've somehow got to keep it even till.

If anything, the vibe I get is that while she may like you and enjoy the time she had with you... it just isn't her top priority. She's doing other things and simply forgets about you.

Maybe tht'll change if she continues to bond with you and/or when her top priority goal has been met... who knows?

I wish it were easy to just ask directly and get a straight, honest answer. Most of the world doesn't seem to work that way...

Thank you for your advice. If this is the case, then I really should be good, since I played it safe and apart from being willing to accept her offer to hook up, I really didn't do much that would tell her I was overly interested, and telling her I'd be willing to meet her outside of college was more phrased in a way that could very well be understood as just being willing to accomodate her schedule, as I was trying to give her just a subtle hin without being too determined one way or the other. Well, I think I will text her again after her exam to see if it really was just her being incredibly busy, or if she isn't interested at all. I'll just send her a text asking her how it was.

Thank you for your advice on this.

There have been some things that indeed make me suspect that she is, no matter what her intentions are towards me, quite occupied with alot of stuff. And this is, actually, one of the reasons I thought might be her main motivation to reach out for someone nice she met at college that studied the same as her. Not only because someone like that would be understanding for her busy schedule and her "fears" about exams and all that, but also so since it would indeed enable her to spend time with someone while still being able to pursue her goals, to which there seem to be plenty, and it is actually one of the reasons why I'd like to stay in contact with her... she seems like a very strong woman that wants to be successful and independent, and these I character traits that I find more attractive than anything else.

Without wanting to make this another big deal, I have just found out a fun little twist about this whole situation: She has done this to me before, sorts of. I have skimmed through my e-mails recently while deleting some old stuff, and I have found an E-mail she sent me about 1.5 years ago, and now I remember how we got to know each other and all that. At that time, she was preparing to go to Colombia for studying. When we met, she asked me if I wanted to hook up again soon since she was soon to be leaving and she wanted meet me again before she did, we agreed on a day and all that, and then she sent me said mail saying that she has just lost her wallet and needs to get a new ID and all that, and that she won't be coming to college, but that she'll write me as soon as she's in Colombia and send me pictures.... then silence for about 1.5 years until I wrote her again last month. I find this to be quite peculiar, as it was a rather similar situation, and again, she was the initiator the last time as she was this time. She's weird, I give her that.

It's possible that while she may like you, dating may not be a high priority right now.

While I keep being careful with assuming she might like me more than just as a friend, I think it is the most reasonable assumption to make that she is indeed preoccupied with too much other stuff. This was actually one of the things she was talking about when we met, that she has so much stuff going on at the moment, and that the subject she's having her exams in at the moment is probably her weakest - which, interestingly enough, is by far my strongest. Like I said, no matter if she has romantic interest in me or not, it would be nice to just develope a friendship, so I'll just keep at it, maybe give her a little support, it seems like she might need it. Haven't texted her in three days now, so at least I'm good with not appearing desperate, clingy or just going on her nerves. Thanks y'all for giving me so many different ways of seeing this situation, I'll keep you updated how thinks develope.

Are you really willing to have a relationship with a girl who keeps on giving you mixed signals and make you feel all confused like this?

Seems like most men go through literally anything just to get their ***** wet.

I'm not really thinking beyond the point of meeting her again, really, so I'm not thinking relationships or anything other than hooking up again with her - after all, it's what she suggested. Anything beyond that is... well, we'll see once I'm there. Besides, what other options do I have? This is one of the closest resemblances of interest a woman has ever shown in me, so I gotta roll with it if I want to make any experiences at all. I'm not about getting into her panties at this point, just trying to figure out what's going on. And hey, thanks to my AS, I won't be able to figure women out, anyhow, so this whole thing is as good as any other. I'll always feel confused, but at least this kind of confusion might lead to something that makes it worth.