How long does it take to stop obsessing?

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Yes, it is still that same friend I fell in love with.

Judging by many posts here, it is normal for people on the spectrum to obsess about love. My question is: how long does it usually take for you guys to forget?

I thought I had forgotten about that recently, but it still come back to haunt me from time to time. You are probably aware of my obsession, since I cannot keep myself from talking about it in almost every single post of mine.

It has been almost six months since I realized I was in love with her and more than three since I talked to her about it. It is way past time for getting over it, is not it? It is a stupid feeling and it is really getting on my nerves...

i never really totally forget, if i still care about the person. over time, the love or infatuation shifts to fondness, but they are still in my heart to some degree.

you may not completely get past her until that future date that you find someone new to care about. i know you've said it doesn't happen to you very often that you have feelings for someone, but as long as you are not closed off to loving a new woman in the future, it might not hurt you to still be in love with that girl too.

It helps too if she gets happily married to someone else and starts a family...

I would say, "until a new obsession takes over." Pure theory at this point...

It can be a long time for me. As said above, it lasts until and if another obsession takes over.

The current one I've been obsessing about for nearly a year.

Until you find another girl that's better than her.

9 years for me, fading slowly, and it doesn't help when I run into her often.

I wish I knew. I am dealing with having become too interested in someone I work with and no, it won't go anywhere. She isn't into me but I have to see her every day. I can reason that it never would have worked for a variety of reasons but it still hurts and won't go away because I have to deal with her on a daily basis. As a result I am now severely depressed and know not what to do.

I had the same problem. There was this girl at work who would have been PERFECT for me and while I can't read her mind or force her to have the same feelings she had the exact same interests, goals and ambitions as me. She even said online what she was looking for and it was scary how closely it resembled me. We had also talked many times and she seemed to have a genuine interest as we had very similar backgrounds. In short, I thought 'this is the one I've been waiting for' for only the second time in my life and many of the (married and trustworthy) boys at work I mentioned it to agreed. Bottom line is that I was shot down pretty hard and treated like a creep just for expressing interest in getting to know her even though she knew exactly who I was. Knowing she's still single at 30 just makes me think about it more and more: what the $#@$ is she looking for? Superman? What's wrong with me that she won't even consider me? I don't expect her to fall in love, only to be open minded like she said she was. Why are you on a dating website if you aren't willing to even try? It would be much easier if I knew exactly what the problem was! Ironically enough one of her close co-workers has expressed some interest but I'm turned off by her 10 pounds of makeup and tattoos up and down her arms.

Unfortunately finding a woman is becoming a bit of an obsession because I know the clock is ticking. Too young and they will increasingly feel uncomfortable with the age gap but as I get older more and more women have the 'must have experience' sign hanging over their heads and assume there is something seriously wrong with me with NO intimate experience whatsoever and no, I can't hide it and am unwilling to pay for experience. It's almost like I'm Fry from the TV show Futurama: I get so focused on one woman and can't get over the fact the feeling isn't mutual and take rejection so personally. I've been told I need to learn to get over it but clearly I'm WELL aware of that!

This. For my previous romantic obsessions:
2 years, then someone else came along and I (unrelatedly) interacted with her less
2 years, then it faded when I saw her kissing someone
A couple of months, until a serious talk through
...short period of no obsession...
2 1/2 years to present

There was some overlap with these obsessions, and I still have romantic feelings towards each but the talk-through-ee, despite one being it's most prevalent maybe 6 years ago. I think the main issue is that i rarely meet new women.


When it comes to non-person obsessions, I would say indefinitely, since there is no reason they shouldn't be.

Last edited by MisterSpock on 05 Sep 2012, 2:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This... Just realize that if you obsess over a woman, you are not meeting enough women. The fewer women are in your life, the more you end up obsessing over one. In terms of economics, the more attractive women you meet or have in your life, the less value each one has.

It takes as long as it does.
It's not to say when because some get over it quick while others don't.

ive had to do this myself atm. what i do it totaly cut them out your life and focus on a hobby or your life in general and try to meet new people.
its hard i have to do it many times im trying to improve myself and its kinda working hopefully next time will be more successfull.
i had one two years ago and still think about her today as she tret me well but i had problems due to AS and there were things that meant it had to stop it broke my heart finishing her

Why would you stop it because of AS? Were you lying to her about your AS or to yourself?

This really does seem to happen to all of us, huh? For the friend I love, I still see her quite often and we are on good terms but there's always some sadness about missing out on her in the back of my mind. Thinking about her romantically will only make me feel like an ass when I know she's really happy with someone else. Nevertheless I think the most obvious cure is meeting as much people as possible and once you find someone else, it really will get easier. I know I need to take my own advice because I haven't been able to meet other women yet. Still, I think if I'm loved by someone else, my feelings for my friend will slowly fade away. I'll still always admire her and like her as a friend, but I know I'll be much happier if my romantic feeling for her are no more. After all, l I would be able to us my romantic feelings on someone else and it would be great if it would be someone who would actually like me back the same way. Unrequited love is torture.

Ok, I need to meet another woman to suceed her as my obsession. This is both good and bad, actually.

Why it is good: I only knew her for a year (a year and a half, if you consider the first six months when I never spoke with anybody in school). Therefore, it would not be that hard to find a woman I would like more.

Why it is bad: I was 20 years old when I met her. Currently, we have finished school and the only reason for me to get out of my house is to work. I spent more than half of my school years without friends, which shows how bad my social skills are. To this day, I am not sure of how I managed to befriend so many people at during my last year in school (and on my second job, where I also had good friends who even went out with me).

In short, it should be easy to find another woman, but considering my history, it is very unlikely to happen.