Anyone else ever had this happen?

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Has anyone else ever felt "stuck" when it comes to dating? I know this probably doesn't make much sense, but let me explain.

A little over a ear ago, I tried to start a relationship with a friend that I really felt like I "clicked" with. This was my first real dating experience, and it was fun and I saw a lot of potential there. Turned out the relationship didn't work, but I was never able to figure out what happened. I was being a teenage idiot who has no idea what I was doing. I never really got a lot of attention from males back then because I used to be very shy. Over the next year I matured a lot and left for college. I changed my attitude so I would be more positive with life.

Fast forward to this year. Now that I'm in college, I decided to put myself there and be outgoing. As a result, I have made a lot of friends and most of them are male. I even went on a few dates with a guy back in September/October but I never really developed any sort of feelings for him. We are still friends and hang out once in a while because we go to different colleges. What's really bothering me is that I feel stuck when it comes to dating. I go to a huge school with a lot of guys, and even get some attention from them since I decided to be more social. The problem is that my past "relationship" was really painful because I never figured out what happened. I feel as this is prevented me from developing any feelings for anyone. Its as if part of me that used to allow me do this is broken and irreparable. I don't know how to get past this rut. Figuring out what happened would help me get past this, but that is a difficult option. This constant, irrational fear of rejection and loneliness is very hard to get over considering I had a lot of issues with it when I was younger. On the other hand, maybe I just haven't met anyone that I have clicked with at school yet. I've only seen there for a semester. Anyone else have this happen to them? It seems to be causing me to miss some possible dating opportunities.

Yes, and I was heartbroken. I did have another boyfriend within a year but didn't feel as strongly about any love until a few years later. I never did know why the 1st guy disappeared even though I dated him for a while @ 6 years later. All he ever said about it was that; back in HS when he was drafted into the army, he lost himself.

Almost every adult has a history of being left by at least one love and never really understanding why. We also have a history of having left at least one love without having either: given a frank explanation of why, or were not believed when we did so.


I vote for this idea. On the rare occasions we encounter really strong attraction, everything that came before becomes simply a memory.

It took me a 12 month on and off open relationship with an aspergers male to figure out where i went wrong. but i am now again stuck for answeres about what i am doing wrong, as now i cant even seem to get a boyfriend if i offered up a million dollars and the one guy who wants to go out with me i dont want. Its not because he is aspie, its because he refuses to accept his diagnosis and wont do anything about his atrocious behavior as a human being. But i am 22, and I pushed my on again off again open relation aspie guy away for being an immature idiotic teenager at the age of 21 and 22.... -shrugs-

Your story is interesting. I currently have the same inability to develop feelings of any kind towards women I date. I still generously give physical affection, gifts, and my time, but I just don't develop feelings (what does that word refer to, anyway?) toward those women. I think the trigger for that was two failed dating situations that happened when I was 18.

The first situation involved a girl in my high school class. She seemed to genuinely like me, and it was the first time in my whole life when that happened. (Well, the first time I actually picked up on; maybe other girls liked me before, but my self-esteem was too low to even consider that possibility.) She showed interest and gave me her phone number. So I called her and asked her out on a date. I didn't have a car at the time, any in my high school, the rule was: any guy who doesn't have a car doesn't deserve a date. So guess what? She broke the date with me when she found out. I should have stopped all contact with her, other than a begrudging "hi" when seeing her in class. But in my naiveness at the time, I was hoping she would come around. She didn't.

The second situation involved a girl in my college class. The college was smack dab in the city center, and had a lot of out-of-towners. (I was a commuter and lived at home.) The girl again showed what I thought was romantic interest. Remembering my past experience, I very clearly and unambiguously told her I didn't have a car. She said she didn't care. I was elated beyond belief that a girl was actually OK with going on a date in a city bus! So we went to a downtown area and walked around. Next few months, we just hung out on campus. Then we went to a dance event at the college. This is where everything came crashing down. When a slow song came on, I tried to dance close with her. But she stepped back. That meant only one thing: she didn't like me! Unlike the previous time, I pretty much stopped hanging out with her, other than talking about class projects in the classroom.

To this date, at age 29, I never developed any feelings toward girls I dated. And I've had about three short relationships and quite a few one-time dates since then. Each and every time, while I did everything a good boyfriend or date would do, my heart was never truly in it. Now, I did lower my standards to get into those three relationships, so I don't know if that contributed to lack of feelings. As I aged, my sex drive dropped significantly. Even when I talk to a very attractive woman, I just plain don't care if something happens with her or not.

This sounds exactly like what has happened to me. I still feel physical attraction towards people, but no sort of emotional attraction that goes beyond friendship. I've had two very attractive, nice guys interested in me in the year since I had my heart broken, and I just don't have that sort of emotional attachment toward anyone anymore. If I get asked on a date, I still say yes and give the guy a chance, but it's a bit irritating being stuck and unable to feel anything. Part of the problem, was that I told myself that I never should have those feelings again because they only cause pain. Now my opinions have changed again, and I'm having a hard time breaking old habits. It's almost as if I have gone numb.