16 Mar 2010, 6:31 pm
I have had this fantasy several times in my life now, and the mere thought of it being even remotely possible is so relieving, but my logic tells me it is a rather unlikely scenario...
The idea is this: To find someone who, like myself, has their own interests and prefers their own company to that of most others, communicate really well together (without subtleties and inaccurate assumptions), and after a time, being able to coexist as mostly friends (with mutual respect, and enough common interests to be able to share some time together) who happen to also care deeply for each other (without feeling the need to ooze out gushy sentiments all the time 
), and be physically attracted to each other (so that the occasional time that we both are interested in physical intimacy, we can pursue it).
Be honest... I'm dreaming, aren't I? 
Anyone else have non-traditional relationship fantasies? (I once had a friend who wanted to buy two houses side by side, or a duplex, and live in one while her husband occupied the other 
).
16 Mar 2010, 6:34 pm
Side_Kick wrote:
I have had this fantasy several times in my life now, and the mere thought of it being even remotely possible is so relieving, but my logic tells me it is a rather unlikely scenario...
The idea is this: To find someone who, like myself, has their own interests and prefers their own company to that of most others, communicate really well together (without subtleties and inaccurate assumptions), and after a time, being able to coexist as mostly friends (with mutual respect, and enough common interests to be able to share some time together) who happen to also care deeply for each other (without feeling the need to ooze out gushy sentiments all the time), and be physically attracted to each other (so that the occasional time that we both are interested in physical intimacy, we can pursue it).
Be honest... I'm dreaming, aren't I?
Anyone else have non-traditional relationship fantasies? (I once had a friend who wanted to buy two houses side by side, or a duplex, and live in one while her husband occupied the other ).
The idea is this: To find someone who, like myself, has their own interests and prefers their own company to that of most others, communicate really well together (without subtleties and inaccurate assumptions), and after a time, being able to coexist as mostly friends (with mutual respect, and enough common interests to be able to share some time together) who happen to also care deeply for each other (without feeling the need to ooze out gushy sentiments all the time
), and be physically attracted to each other (so that the occasional time that we both are interested in physical intimacy, we can pursue it).Be honest... I'm dreaming, aren't I?
Anyone else have non-traditional relationship fantasies? (I once had a friend who wanted to buy two houses side by side, or a duplex, and live in one while her husband occupied the other
).Sounds like "friends with benefits." It is actually a relatively common thing these days. You do stuff, hang out, and have sex. If it works for both people-- why not?
16 Mar 2010, 6:38 pm
MichelleRM78 wrote:
Sounds like "friends with benefits." It is actually a relatively common thing these days. You do stuff, hang out, and have sex. If it works for both people-- why not?
Really??? Oh, no... I thought friends with benefits were people who were just friends and had meaningless sex together. Not what I'm thinking of. I am referring to an emotional relationship (just not overtly-emotional, or over-expressed), and less of a typical "partnership" in that not every single stupid little activity is done together. (Like couples I see jogging in matching sports suits. *Shudder*). Most definitely monogamous, cohabitation involved, and with the intention of it being a life-long commitment...
Am I still describing friends with benefits, though??
16 Mar 2010, 6:42 pm
Side_Kick wrote:
MichelleRM78 wrote:
Sounds like "friends with benefits." It is actually a relatively common thing these days. You do stuff, hang out, and have sex. If it works for both people-- why not?
Really??? Oh, no... I thought friends with benefits were people who were just friends and had meaningless sex together. Not what I'm thinking of. I am referring to an emotional relationship (just not overtly-emotional, or over-expressed), and less of a typical "partnership" in that not every single stupid little activity is done together. (Like couples I see jogging in matching sports suits. *Shudder*). Most definitely monogamous, and with the intention of it being a life-long commitment...
Am I still describing friends with benefits, though??
No, I guess not. It wouldn't constitute a life-long committment-- but definitely is an emotional relationship. I don't find that most partners do everything together. But doing things like jogging together would not necessarily be a bad thing, if they both want to do it. I think most people spend a considerable amount of time apart. I know my bf and I hardly have anytime together. The closest thing as of lately is tiling and grouting the basement floor, LOL.
16 Mar 2010, 6:50 pm
MichelleRM78 wrote:
I think most people spend a considerable amount of time apart. I know my bf and I hardly have anytime together. The closest thing as of lately is tiling and grouting the basement floor, LOL.
Either other couples are fortunate, or I've just had bad luck... Nearly every guy I've ever seen (and definitely the three I lived with) just kind of hung around all the time. They would ask what I was doing (which was usually pursuing an interest or working), and then they would sigh and hang around, making me feel guilty that they didn't have their own things to do. I would often wind up sitting on a couch watching tv with them, staring at the door to my room, bouncing a knee in agitation, wanting to get back to what I was doing.
16 Mar 2010, 6:54 pm
Side_Kick wrote:
MichelleRM78 wrote:
I think most people spend a considerable amount of time apart. I know my bf and I hardly have anytime together. The closest thing as of lately is tiling and grouting the basement floor, LOL.
Either other couples are fortunate, or I've just had bad luck... Nearly every guy I've ever seen (and definitely the three I lived with) just kind of hung around all the time. They would ask what I was doing (which was usually pursuing an interest or working), and then they would sigh and hang around, making me feel guilty that they didn't have their own things to do. I would often wind up sitting on a couch watching tv with them, staring at the door to my room, bouncing a knee in agitation, wanting to get back to what I was doing.
Sounds like some very lazy, unmotivated men. I know that with my bf, we actually have to schedule time together and put it on the calendar, LOL. I also think that more time is required at the beginning of a relationship. I would not want to ever do everything together. I have dated guys like that. It's about finding balance. As men get older, that seems to be easier to find. I have never dated a guy less than 8 years older than me.
However, if you want to live in different houses and have a life long committment, I would say it would be very hard to find someone who is OK with that (although, I have heard of a few instances where that worked).
16 Mar 2010, 6:58 pm
MichelleRM78 wrote:
However, if you want to live in different houses and have a life long committment, I would say it would be very hard to find someone who is OK with that (although, I have heard of a few instances where that worked).
Sorry for the mis-communication... It was actually an old friend of mine who had wanted separate residences. I like the idea of living in the same place, but I do feel that everyone should have at least one room that's theirs, where they can retreat to (if need be), and have control over the environment. Mostly because I would need that (my hobby requires a lot of space), and I like to be fair and democratic
16 Mar 2010, 7:02 pm
Side_Kick wrote:
MichelleRM78 wrote:
However, if you want to live in different houses and have a life long committment, I would say it would be very hard to find someone who is OK with that (although, I have heard of a few instances where that worked).
Sorry for the mis-communication... It was actually an old friend of mine who had wanted separate residences. I like the idea of living in the same place, but I do feel that everyone should have at least one room that's theirs, where they can retreat to (if need be), and have control over the environment. Mostly because I would need that (my hobby requires a lot of space), and I like to be fair and democratic
Yea, my bf has AS. He has the garage as his space and we are finishing off the basement so he has more space that he can go to when need be. VERY important to find someone who can respect your needs, whatever they may be. I don't need that space, but some people do.
16 Mar 2010, 7:29 pm
16 Mar 2010, 7:47 pm
Am I the only one here who thinks Side_kick is describing a very normal relationship. Or did I just miss something
16 Mar 2010, 7:58 pm
Yasmine wrote:
Am I the only one here who thinks Side_kick is describing a very normal relationship. Or did I just miss something
It's funny you say that...
I was just cooking and thinking, "It would seem that my 'fantasy relationship' is more or less 'normal,' and that the relationships I've been in have in fact been atypical." 
/ 
Plus, the relationships my friends are in (I realize I only have an outside perspective though) seem to be far more dependent... Like the pair will spend weeknights in, watching tv together, and will only go out as a pair. If one person doesn't want to go somewhere, the other stays behind as well...
16 Mar 2010, 8:06 pm
Side_Kick wrote:
The idea is this: To find someone who, like myself, has their own interests and prefers their own company to that of most others, communicate really well together (without subtleties and inaccurate assumptions), and after a time, being able to coexist as mostly friends (with mutual respect, and enough common interests to be able to share some time together) who happen to also care deeply for each other (without feeling the need to ooze out gushy sentiments all the time ), and be physically attracted to each other (so that the occasional time that we both are interested in physical intimacy, we can pursue it).
), and be physically attracted to each other (so that the occasional time that we both are interested in physical intimacy, we can pursue it).This mostly sounds like my dream relationship, as well... Except that I would like to have more shared interests and have similar values, beliefs, goals, etc.
16 Mar 2010, 8:20 pm
Kaysea wrote:
I would like to have...similar values, beliefs, goals, etc.
Those are also very important.
I was just trying to minimize the details to the functional aspects of the relationship.
16 Mar 2010, 8:45 pm
Side_Kick wrote:
Kaysea wrote:
I would like to have...similar values, beliefs, goals, etc.
Those are also very important.
I was just trying to minimize the details to the functional aspects of the relationship.I guess I should have assumed that those were implicit, since you were referring to a relationship.
16 Mar 2010, 9:01 pm
Yasmine wrote:
Am I the only one here who thinks Side_kick is describing a very normal relationship. Or did I just miss something
My thoughts exactly. Side_Kick, you just seem to have had some bad luck with the men you were dating - could also be an age thing maybe?
16 Mar 2010, 9:39 pm
Sallamandrina wrote:
My thoughts exactly. Side_Kick, you just seem to have had some bad luck with the men you were dating - could also be an age thing maybe?
Perhaps, though I usually date guys who are somewhat older than me (between 3-6 years my senior). Funny thing is, they usually turn out to have the mentality/world perspective of guys my age or even younger.
