Liking someone, but not acting on it

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So, I'm sure some of you have been in this situation before. Liking someone, but not doing anything about it. I've no experience in the relationship department, btw, and can be a pretty hesitant person in general, and am sometimes quiet, though not as much as I used to be.

I was on holidays with a group of people I didn't know, and most of us didn't know each other before it started. Anyway, I ended up liking someone more so than I have done in a while. I didn't act on it for a couple of reasons - it wasn't often that we were alone, I didn't have the confidence to, it could have made things pretty awkward for the rest of the holiday if it wasn't reciprocated and we live several thousand miles apart, so it's not like anything could have developed anyway. I suppose I did try to drop hints, though they were more compliments rather than overt I like you compliments...

There isn't really anything I expect you to say in terms of advice, I'm rambling. I think if circumstances were different and geography wasn't an issue I'd try to be more direct (hopefully).

I totally get it. Pretty much all of my relationships (can count them on one hand) began with the other person initiating. Which is kind of rare for a straight dude.

Several thousand miles is a big distance difference. There's something about a distance like that that makes it more comfortable to try making that connection. But, you have to know yourself. Are you okay being in a long distance relationship? How important is the physicality aspect of a relationship to you? Can you afford to make trips, or move if it turns out right?

Recently, I was very tempted to try and initiate a long distance relationship only to be shocked by the reality that, while I can talk a lot on the internet, I have to spend a lot of time with someone face to face before I can be really ready for the physicality of their presence.

In other words, I figured out a one night stand kind of thing would cost me far more in my social reserves than what it would be worth. I only had one night in the same town. And, while we hung out, and I really enjoyed her company, and she knew I'd been crushing on her already, I couldn't do that thing that "guys with game" do. Which is casually slip right into the personal bubble of someone else.

It was a sad realization. She was the kind of person I would totally pursue things with (slowly) if we were in the same town. But she's not.

I guess I'm just rambling, too.

Yeah. In fact I just met a woman who was both available and the sort of person I'd like to spend time with, but I chose not to say or do anything because I knew my history of backing away from anyone who seems to like me means I'd probably do the same here.

It's better to just enjoy what friendship you can get from a person and leave it at that.

jagatai- Why do you do that? Why do you back away? I am in a similar situation with an AS guy who backs away when things seem to be at their best.

It's the side effect of getting that far and being rejected one too many times that causes that, at least in my experience. I just started talking to this girl that I work with but am now contemplating backing away from the whole thing, because it feels like I could get pushed aside anyway.

It's happened time and time again but for me, there really were no openings for me to act on any of them. Everyone women I've had a liking for already had a boyfriend and by the time her relationship ended, she usually already found someone else and I was too late. Very frustrating indeed and for as long as anyone has a boyfriend, I'm not going to say anything because I don't want to go through the embarrassment. So as I've now, there's just been no chances. If I meet a fantastic women I really like who's single, perhaps my time could finally come but until then, things just haven't worked out for me.

Better try to develop your self confidence first.

Happy2know, I sent you a PM regarding this. It should be in your inbox.

Indeed.



Definitely, and I think in this case, it developed to that. Important not to underestimate how a good friendship can be one of life's simple pleasures. Not always easy to find, and requires work from both parties, but is enjoyable. And I think if I was successful in developing a friendship with a member of the opposite sex (a female friend from college emigrated after graduation, so I've not seen her since), theoretically, other opportunities may arise in the future (not without considerable effort, clearly). Neither of us are on facebook, but we've exchanged 5-6 emails since the holiday finished (2 months ago), so I'm not overdoing that side of things, although they're shared emails because there's another guy who is kind of a friend, too.



Have some experience of this as well. It's funny when you sometimes meet new people and they mention their partners quite soon after you've been introduced to them (these are namely work colleagues). Slightly disheartening if you happen to find them attractive, but also important not to fall into self-pity about it (not suggesting you are). I think on the whole, people tend to like about themselves, and sometimes they're pretty up front about their relationships.

Must start hanging out on Wrong Planet more often, thanks for the input.

i guess i have the same issue. its extremely rare that i get to know a person who is 'my type' because im more attracted to a specific personality than anything else, but even when i really like someone i never say anything about it. im not shy, im quite confident, i dont have a problem to talk to someone i like and often the kind of people i like one way or another are nice towards me and i sometimes get the feeling they enjoy talking to me or hanging out with me somehow, but nevertheless i couldnt ever bring myself to imagine it to be a possibility that someone like that could have any personal interest in me.

for sexual attraction or mutual intellectual appreciation this is a lot easier, i notice when someone is into me or cares about my opinion, because i think im relatively good looking to some people and i simply know a lot about certain topics and am not exactly stupid, but given how deep the gap between me and the cognitive or social norm truly is (im functioning ok on the surface, but i mostly feel like an actor who hopes he guesses the script right, i want to share only a certain portion of my time and private space with other people because there are also other things in my life i care about and sometimes become really engrossed in (which are also largely boring to the majority of people), i need to be alone quite a lot to not go insane, i cant talk to people in the way i think without completely weirding them out, i still dont understand half of the unwritten rules of human behaviour, i cant read facial expressions, i have no idea how relationships work or how to comfort someone and basic things like that, i often dont know what to say or am just too exhausted or distracted or overwhelmed to talk and i probably have been told that even though im friendly i come across as distant and complete inapproachable a hundred times) the idea that anyone would actually want me as their friend or even girlfriend just seems so utterly absurd to me that i just dont mention the fact that i might like being more than an aquaintance to them.

I do this all the time. I mean, sexual attraction isn't even on the scale for me because I've got an overactive sex drive, but I have serious feelings for a bunch of people, and I don't try to do anything about it. I just develop strong attachments more easily than most people do, so how I feel for my friends is how most people only feel for people they marry. But there's nothing I can really do about it...I mean, it's not like I can get ten people who don't even find me physically attractive (which is apparently part of most people's dating criteria), much less emotionally attractive, to want to do whatever it is people do when they love. I call them my special friends, and some of them know how I feel about them, but I will not date them. Some of them would not work out at all in a relationship with me, even if they wanted to.