Aspie/NT communication within a relationship...PLZ HELP!

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This question is directed to Aspies in long term relationships or their partners.....My BF is 53 and a definite Aspie, (although he wont admit it). He considers himself a 'black and white thinker'. My 25 yr old son and ex husband are also diagnosed Aspies so I am familiar with it. My question is, I really want this relationship to work. I try my best to be very communicatiive with him and be very careful in choosing my words. He cannot ever seem to take any responsibility for his bad behaviour, and of course since hes NEVER wrong he also never apologises to me. This feels really bad. For me, not for him I'm assuming. His explanation for our problems , is that 'we see things 100% differently'...and that seems to be his excuse for never taking responsibilty or saying hes sorry. Hes very critical of me...sometimes I feel that I can never do anything right around him. You may be wondering why Im with him...Im wondering this myself....My last attempt at making our relationship better is to have a frank conversation with him or write him a letter....either way...to communicate that I cannot live with his critisim, his meltdowns and aspie tendendcies without apologies and possible productive, constructive, procedures to take so neither of us get hurt (verbally) during his meltdowns. Everytime I reflect to him, in a mature manner of what happened to hurt me he tells me I am doing character assasination...and beleive me there is none of this in my conversation. I'm trying to problem solve what will work better for us both so we can have a long term, healthy relationship. As a side note, he is a very very high powered, extremely intelligent man. A top exec for one of the biggest companies in the world so I know hes smart enough to handle it. Hes in charge of hundreds of employees...so why can he not seem to handle a relationship and problem solve with just one person-me? My question is: How is the best way to communicate? in writing or verbally? And are there particular words I should be using to help him to understand? How do I get my my feelings clear to him 'so it does compute"? And even if I get my feelings understood is there any possibility that he can even change at this point and take responsibility for his actions, ever???

Why do you want to make this relationship work?

Whether or not he is Aspie seems irrelevant to me. From what you say here, and on your other thread, this is an abusive relationship. He treats you badly by choice. You can choose to walk away or stay.

Maybe you should look at from this perspective. And I did see the other post, and I believe I read that he blew up at you during a Christmas dinner?

1. What do I have to offer him?
2. Most importantly, what does he have to offer me?

Seriously think this over.

I know he loves me...and I can see in his eyes that he doesnt mean to say or do mean things. Tho long term critisim is soul destroying, I'm very aware of this (from my marriage). I just wanted a last ditch effort to try to save and improve this relationship, before I'm gone. As he is very nearly my perfect man. There are a couple very crucial things about him that MUST be changed if i stay with him. Tho I'm unsure if these couple of things can even be changed at all. These things are self awareness (ie taking responsibilty for his own actions and apologising), and critisising me.

Mike...what do i have to offer him? he says i'm the perfect woman for him and he wouldnt change a thing about me, (tho hes very critical). hmmm?

Now of course, you answered question one. Now seriously consider question 2. Take enough time, but not a lot of it to really think it over.

A 53 year old man who lacks self awareness and is hurtfully critical of you is unlikely to change, as I suspect you know.

Edited to add: I don't think this is an Aspie/NT thing at all.