I just had an AWESOME first date. What next?

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Joined: 24 Aug 2006
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12 Jan 2013, 11:18 pm

Guys and Gals, I had a great date! She was fun, outgoing, intelligent, we shared so many great interests. We did dinner and a movie, and they had to kick us out of the theater because we were still sitting there after the show ended discussing the film.

Ended the night with a hug, and mutual assurances we should "do this again something" (to use her words). She seemed to enjoy herself, and have a good time.

Now how do I go from here? I wanna be smart, not overeager. and let this just play out naturally.

First of all, do I send a courtesy text, like a "Had a great time," etc, etc, and how soon after?

And how long before I try to set up another thing? Or is that maybe the wrong approach? Do I just keep casual contact, and invite her out when something comes up. You know, play it cool, like let's see where it goes? Because that's what I'm going for. I don't want to over play, and be like I have to see her ever week. I want to just take things naturally and let them develop where they may.

What do you all suggest?

MountainLaurel
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13 Jan 2013, 1:34 am

If you expressed to her, in person, that you enjoyed your time together; I think the courtesy text is redundant/unnecessary, but not a big deal either way. If for some reason you feel compelled to text your pleasure with her, no problem, do it now or later.

You really liked her and want to see her again. Why not ask her out on another date? That will be the only way to truly communicate your interest in her. A woman who is interested in a guy wants him to ask her out, period. Wait until, at least, midweek to do it. I agree that asking her out again, tomorrow, may come off as overeager, but seeking to establish a date for next weekend (or next week) a few days from now doesn't seem too grasping to me.

Quote:

I don't want to over play, and be like I have to see her ever week.

If it turns out that you actually do want to see her every week, there's no reason to not seek contact with her week after week as long as she's willing and encouraging. That's actually how couples that click usually roll. When they both really like to spend time together, that's exactly what they do. That's how, couples that click, " just take things naturally and let them develop where they may".

But, of course, for now, there is only the next date with her (or not). If you want to wait a couple of weeks before asking her out again, go ahead and wait. But, honestly, when I was younger, if a man didn't ask me out again within 2 weeks of the 1st date, I assumed he wasn't that into me. And contrary to what some guys here on WP imply, "not that into me" was never a turn on.

BlueMax
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13 Jan 2013, 1:44 am

^^^ Great advice. Congrats on a great, fun date! :thumright:

Kezzstar
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13 Jan 2013, 1:51 am

A day or two after the event, just give her a ring and ask if she'd like to see another film, or even do something else (I suggest bowling. Ten-pin bowling is for everyone. Plus I know most bowling alleys in Australia have games areas, not sure about anywhere else but they''re great for winning your date a stuffed toy :wink: .).

Set the date for the next available weekend, and next thing you know you'll be going on dates regularly! :lol:

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cozysweater
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13 Jan 2013, 2:07 am

I think it's totally acceptable, and good form, to call her within 48 hours to reiterate that you had a good time and possibly ask her out for another date. I think waiting longer than that could be anxiety causing for the girl. In this age of super-connectedness, the old-school 3 days is practically a lifetime.

johnny77
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13 Jan 2013, 4:05 am

Congratulations on the successful date Brianruns10. I was going to ask the same but it right here in writing.

Kinme
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13 Jan 2013, 6:19 am

Congrats and good luck!

Brianruns10
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13 Jan 2013, 10:31 am

So I take it the consensus is a followup text is unnecessary? Wait to call til midweek to set something else up?

See what also worries me, is risking being boring on a second date. I read elsewhere an interesting point, that suggests asking out on a date only when you come up with something interesting in your life, that you want a companion for...like say you spot a gallery opening or concert.

The reasoning being, if you just force the date, say, each week, you're stifling your own life in a way, because it is being shaped by the dating, when your life should shape your dating routine.

Thoughts?

spongy
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13 Jan 2013, 12:07 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:

You could wait for something to eventually come up and risk her thinking that you arent interested or suggest something thats entertaining enough.
As stated above bowling is pretty good if things are going pretty well.
You have fun, joke about getting a little challenging to make sure she doesnt get bored...
If she isnt into bowling you could just tell her that youll call her again when youve found something more suitable but youve already cleared that you are interested on meeting her again and it wasnt just courtesy at the end of the date

MountainLaurel
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13 Jan 2013, 9:05 pm

Bear with me on this, I'm gunna smack first then give a nice answer.

Quote:

The reasoning being, if you just force the date, say, each week, you're stifling your own life in a way, because it is being shaped by the dating, when your life should shape your dating routine.

Brian, I think you're getting ahead of yourself. You've been on one nice date and now the next thing you worry about is having dating shape your life?

Are you a worrier? If you are, perhaps that would be a good thing to get past while you are waiting for something interesting to come up in your life wherein you'd like a companion. I say this because this type of worrying is worse than boring; it's joy killing projections of boredom at a potential future time. Women are not like wine, that if you put us aside and wait; we'll be better later. Nor will you be better within any reasonable waiting time before a second date.

Look, bashing aside (and I apologize); for many folks forging a bond with a potential mate is exciting; exhilarating, even. If the time spent together doing, even, simple things is not mutually exciting, then she's not a right girl for you.

OK, I know the aspie guy worry; what if I'm not a right guy for any woman? What if I'm terminally boring? Maybe some PUA advise might help me. Brian, I'm here to tell you that unless you can track what's happening in a relationship as it unfolds, there's no PUA advise in the world that will help.

Back to that awesome 1st date:

Scenario1) You think she enjoyed you. Let's just go with the assumption that she was just being polite and actually was bored. You ask her out again and she waffles, but accepts, because she doesn't feel comfortable saying no after telling you she had a good time the 1st time. Brian, in this scenario, I am telling you that a woman who rolls this way is not for you. You will never be able to read this type of woman; never be able to track a relationship with a woman who convincingly lies. And while it may pain you, because you liked her, you're better off looking elsewhere. (Heck, in this type of situation you'd be better off alone.)

Scenario 2) You think she enjoyed you. Let's go with the assumption that you read her correctly and that her apparent enjoyment was real. You ask her out again and because the 2 of you actually clicked, she accepts. In this scenario there's a good chance that whatever you do together, it will be enjoyable because you two are interesting to one another. And this is a woman who you can read because she's genuinely projecting her true state of mind. This is the sort of woman wherein you can track what's going on in the relationship as it unfolds....as long as you pay attention.

Brian; just assume you have Scenario 2 on your plate; come up with a nice date idea and proceed. No worrying now, OK? You're a great guy and if she's as she presented on the 1st date, you're going to have a very nice time together.

machf
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13 Jan 2013, 10:55 pm

Kezzstar wrote:

(I suggest bowling. Ten-pin bowling is for everyone.

I wish... most people I know aren't interested in bowling, they prefer volleyball (which I just hate).

machf
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13 Jan 2013, 11:05 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:

So I take it the consensus is a followup text is unnecessary? Wait to call til midweek to set something else up?

Well, if this was on friday night or saturday, I'd say monday would be good enough (start of the working week). Of course, I might be wrong, but that's what I'd do... calling midweek could be too late if she already made plans for the next weekend (and you were counting on that one). But of course, you could make plans for the weekend after the next, instead.

Quote:

See what also worries me, is risking being boring on a second date. I read elsewhere an interesting point, that suggests asking out on a date only when you come up with something interesting in your life, that you want a companion for...like say you spot a gallery opening or concert.

It could be a new movie, too, that's bound to happen more often than gallery openings or concerts (oh, but you just went to the movies). Or maybe the circus is in town, or you've heard of this place where they prepare a killer lasagna, or whatever. Don't just wait forever until there's something happening, make it happen instead.
Where did you live, again?

Quote:

The reasoning being, if you just force the date, say, each week, you're stifling your own life in a way, because it is being shaped by the dating, when your life should shape your dating routine.

Thoughts?

Brianruns10
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14 Jan 2013, 1:17 pm

MountainLaurel wrote:

Bear with me on this, I'm gunna smack first then give a nice answer.

Quote:

The reasoning being, if you just force the date, say, each week, you're stifling your own life in a way, because it is being shaped by the dating, when your life should shape your dating routine.

Yes, but I just don't want to foul up a potentially good thing because I'm inexperienced. I've literally never gotten past a second date before. And I'm afraid that what I'm used to won't jive with what she's expecting? I don't want to force things, by trying to come up with something to do every week. For one thing, it's not who I am. I tend to enjoy just being at home working or reading or watching a movie. But that may not be what she's expecting?

I want to be sure I can meet expectations readily, be a good, suitable, worthy companion. I don't want to blow this. I think I could really have a shot at something, and if I screw it up, I'll never forgive myself.

1000Knives
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14 Jan 2013, 2:29 pm

Just be like "Hey that was fun, do you wanna do anything next week?"

BlueMax
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14 Jan 2013, 3:00 pm

1000Knives wrote:

Just be like "Hey that was fun, do you wanna do anything next week?"

Yep. And I'd say about now would be a good time to do it! "That was great, let's do it again!"

ruckus
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14 Jan 2013, 3:37 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:

I want to be sure I can meet expectations readily, be a good, suitable, worthy companion. I don't want to blow this. I think I could really have a shot at something, and if I screw it up, I'll never forgive myself.

I know this is exciting and I hope it works out for you, but don't let it weigh you down if things don't develop beyond this point. I've had many a date (in fact, statistically speaking I could probably say 'most dates') fizzle out after the first or second meeting, and if I was unable to forgive myself for all of these perceived "missed opportunities" I'd be a blubbering mess by now.

Last edited by ruckus on 14 Jan 2013, 8:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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I just had an AWESOME first date. What next?