Dating Sites: what do people think of them?

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shivanataraja
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28 Dec 2006, 9:05 pm

Wondering what opinions people here had on dating sites, and particularly dating sites specifically for disabled people...

I joined a site called Disabled United a year or 2 ago (possibly after it being mentioned in a thread on here), and sent messages to a few people, but never got a reply AFAIK, so i kind of forgot about it and dismissed the idea of dating sites for a while, until recently (while really bored at my parents' house over Xmas) accidentally discovered another site called Dating4Disabled, and joined it after seeing a couple of people's profiles on there that i thought sounded cool enough people for me to want to get in touch with...

I wasn't sure (am still not sure) exactly how the idea of dating sites really fits with my social/political beliefs (both feminism and social model disability theory), but interestingly on that site i've found at least 2 people who are really into radical politics about gender/queerness and about disability... so i dunno, was wondering what people here think?

(at the moment i'm using the site primarily to look for friends to communicate with online, but i was primarily drawn into it by the desire to find a partner... there's a part of me that worries if using internet sites for that purpose is exploitative or sleazy somehow... thoughts? the 2 people mentioned above unfortunately aren't potential partners, as one is the wrong gender and both live in America...)



Tim_Tex
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28 Dec 2006, 9:12 pm

I found a woman in Thailand as a pen pal on Disabled United.

Tim


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Ticker
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28 Dec 2006, 9:44 pm

I have never met anyone from the sites you listed though I did check out a few disability sites in the past. There was never anyone remotely close on those sites so I never joined. In the past I have met 35 people though various personals sites. None of those people were what I would call first class. Well maybe one of them but we she wasn't what I was looking for. The majority of people I met turned out to be alcoholics, recovering alcoholics, dopeheads, mentally disturbed or looking for someone to support them financially. I was raped by first person I ever met from online and another nutjob pointed a gun in my face. I tend to think the really normal, desirable people do not resort to personals sites so I quit trying to find someone online. I moved cross country to be with an online person whom I spent a week with and she promised me the world. Four days after I relocated she dumped me. I know a few others that has happened to. I think real relationships take time to develop and grow just like a tree does. You need to have someone close to you to work at a relationship with and not try to skip developmental steps like you do when you meet someone long distance then rent the UHaul too soon.

Please also understand that if you are an American, foreigners will often seek you out for marriage in order to get easy citizenship status. Some countries are so bad people will do anything to get out and once they marry the American they sometimes get dangerous demanding money or they just dump you on your ear. I know a few men this has happened to.

Think it would be much better idea to find local support groups or hobby groups and meet people through there.



Futurilla
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28 Dec 2006, 10:17 pm

Many dating sites misrepresent themselves, by keeping people tagged as "available" when in fact they either stopped dating or stopped being a member of the site a long time ago. By doing this they appear to have far more people available to date than they actually do.



Tim_Tex
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28 Dec 2006, 10:18 pm

And that's not even counting the bots and scammers.

Tim


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Tim_Tex
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28 Dec 2006, 10:22 pm

I did meet three people on plentyoffish.com, none of them were what I would consider to be girlfriend material.

Tim


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Ticker
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28 Dec 2006, 10:50 pm

I hadn't heard of plentyoffish so I checked it out. Out of the 15 people that came up none of them were closer than 200 miles, none of them were around my age, 2 were couples looking for a threesome and one was a pre-op male to female trannie. Actually none of them sounded good even if they were living across the street. That pretty much sums up why online personals sucks.



28 Dec 2006, 11:22 pm

I have met two guys from myspace and one from diapermates. Of course myspace isnt a dating site but can be used as one.



CockneyRebel
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28 Dec 2006, 11:33 pm

I've thought about it. I'll wait until my functioning is as high as it used to be, and I'm over my latest obsession and than I'll start checking out dating sites.



Tim_Tex
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28 Dec 2006, 11:33 pm

Ticker wrote:
I hadn't heard of plentyoffish so I checked it out. Out of the 15 people that came up none of them were closer than 200 miles, none of them were around my age, 2 were couples looking for a threesome and one was a pre-op male to female trannie. Actually none of them sounded good even if they were living across the street. That pretty much sums up why online personals sucks.


I did not come across anyone weird, just people that I did not feel that I clicked with.

Tim


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hale_bopp
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28 Dec 2006, 11:40 pm

Im not disabled so I wopuldn't join an disabled dating site.

I don't like dating sites, because you cannot have chemistry with someone until after you've met them. And meeting them is a huge hassle.



Seigneur
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29 Dec 2006, 1:32 am

Dating sites aren't my kind of thing. I'd rather go out and meet real people.



Corvus
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29 Dec 2006, 1:40 am

www.plentyoffish.com

I'm a loser who believes in fate, kind of, for that s**t, though... classic romantic ret*d crap.. Doesnt feel right to be when its online



Newmie
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29 Dec 2006, 6:45 am

I go on dating sites to have conversations and try to improve my ability to understand myself and others while trying to communicate.
I've been on them for well over 2 years and haven't been dating.

Plenty of fish and Lava (which is even stranger) are the two I mostly go on.

It amazes me the wide array or messages you can get and for someone who was not hit on in school it is quite different for me.

I even accidentally somehow fell into a role where I became an analyzer of profiles.

Meaning I, who didn't date at all, recommended changes and advice for profiles of people who wanted to improve their chances of dating.

Isn't it ironic?

I think though, the fact that I'm removed gives me a better ability to do so.


Here's the Analyzation thread:

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/943810da ... age26.aspx

Here's me:

http://www.plentyoffish.com/member565545.htm



chadders
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29 Dec 2006, 7:45 am

I'm not into dating sites.


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MrMark
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29 Dec 2006, 7:55 am

Newmie wrote:

Wow! No wonder you appear on 310 members favorites lists! :o


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