arranging your own marriage?

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Ca2MgFe5Si8O22OH2
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08 Dec 2012, 6:40 pm

I'm playing video games set in medieval europe that involve managing your family and running a dynasty, and you chose your mate based entirely on what she can offer to the children and how powerful her family is. this is very traditional marriage.

so somewhat weird idea:

marriage as a long-term co-op to raise children and as an investment in old-age care. romance and sexual fidelity having nothing to do with it.

I care about raising well educated children who have the ability to succeed in life and are equipped to really kick-ass academically and make good decisions.

this has nothing to do with my sex life or romance, so why pick a mate based on my emotional needs? why not pick a mate who maybe speaks another language so our children will be bilingual, who's a music teacher or an artist, or who has an academic background which complements mine and would benefit the children most? I could teach them math and science and the bits of humanities and social studies I know, my mate could teach them whatever she or he specialized in, we both would mutually agree to have our needs met elsewhere if we felt the necessity, and remain sort of friends/coworkers as far as the childrearing goes. if we happened to fall in love then ok, but that's not a goal in the arrangement.

I mean, in most of the world who a man marries is still determined as more by the size of his or livestock holdings and the prestige attached to a certain lineage than by romantic love. I really think there's something to be said for arranged marriage...why not arrange your own?

I'm particularly keen to raise children who are bilingual and musically educated from infancy, and perhaps do some sort of dance or other physical activity with personal and cultural value.

am I crazy? I'm tempted to troll mail-order-bride websites for a lesbian who wants a green card if she'll agree to raise bilingual (adopted or sperm-donated, my genes are sh***y) children with me.

what's your reaction to this idea?


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OMGitsKenny
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08 Dec 2012, 6:48 pm

I think it's an interesting idea honestly. :)

But here's something unrelated:

How the hell can you remember your username? Isn't that the chemical bond for Nephrite?


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Ca2MgFe5Si8O22OH2
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08 Dec 2012, 7:03 pm

OMGitsKenny wrote:
I think it's an interesting idea honestly. :)

But here's something unrelated:

How the hell can you remember your username? Isn't that the chemical bond for Nephrite?


it is :D I was a geology student for a while and since Nephrite is prized by traditional Chinese scholars over Jadeite and I wanted a professional, anonymous, and emotionally neutral yet still personal online tag (started as an email to send an anonymous love note to a professor, which actually never happened haha) I went for it. I'm a Buddhist and identify with classical Chinese culture for various reasons so the variety of Jade that was considered the most valuable substance by that culture seemed like a nice choice. also my intellectual interests are more stable than my real name or where I live or anything so I figured that was a good way to pick a SN.

once you've taken a minerology class this one really isn't that bad. I mean good lord, look at Biotite or some of the clay minerals.



Last edited by Ca2MgFe5Si8O22OH2 on 08 Dec 2012, 7:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

thewhitrbbit
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08 Dec 2012, 7:06 pm

I doubt you'll find a lesbian on a mail order site.



Ca2MgFe5Si8O22OH2
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08 Dec 2012, 7:09 pm

thewhitrbbit wrote:
I doubt you'll find a lesbian on a mail order site.


well, she doesn't have to be a lesbian. so long as she knows not to expect sex from me and that I don't in return I'm ok with it. you'd think that arrangement would be preferable to marrying a creepy old man just because he's rich and has citizenship she wants. it just seems like a lesbian from a more conservative culture might prefer the arrangement more naturally than a straight woman.



EmoGlambertAspie
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10 Dec 2012, 1:28 am

Why not a balance of both? Someone intelligent with a lot to offer, who you also love? My boyfriend is that to me.



Ca2MgFe5Si8O22OH2
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10 Dec 2012, 4:38 pm

EmoGlambertAspie wrote:
Why not a balance of both? Someone intelligent with a lot to offer, who you also love? My boyfriend is that to me.
well, that'd be ideal but I kind of suck at dating. there's this guy with a PhD who's been chasing me for months and I'm unemployed and just dropped out of school and JUST got diagnosed with ASD and am trying to figure out how to cope, all while living with parents (again) and kinda feel un-presentable no matter how I look, if that makes sense. blargh.


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Dantac
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12 Dec 2012, 9:58 pm

Ca2MgFe5Si8O22OH2 wrote:
EmoGlambertAspie wrote:
Why not a balance of both? Someone intelligent with a lot to offer, who you also love? My boyfriend is that to me.
well, that'd be ideal but I kind of suck at dating. there's this guy with a PhD who's been chasing me for months and I'm unemployed and just dropped out of school and JUST got diagnosed with ASD and am trying to figure out how to cope, all while living with parents (again) and kinda feel un-presentable no matter how I look, if that makes sense. blargh.


Seems the answer is in your doorstep and you're refusing to consider it as an option due to an emotional response.



BlueMax
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12 Dec 2012, 11:40 pm

There's a marketing opportunity there... a dating/meetup website for asexuals like yourself!

There's quite a few on WP alone... there must be a market for it...

(My apologies if I misread, but it sounds like you're asking for a mate with zero sex which is what asexual is all about...) :oops:


Of course, if you're talking about someone to ONLY raise a child in your preferred method, you could hire a live-in nanny.



Ca2MgFe5Si8O22OH2
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13 Dec 2012, 1:02 am

Dantac wrote:
Seems the answer is in your doorstep and you're refusing to consider it as an option due to an emotional response.
the Ouroboros strikes again! part of my issue is that I'm considering a transition from male to female and consequentially I'm having to reflect on my sexuality and refrain from commitments to people who are exclusively attracted to men if I'm not going to BE a man, physically, in 5 or 10 years.

BlueMax wrote:
There's a marketing opportunity there... a dating/meetup website for asexuals like yourself!

There's quite a few on WP alone... there must be a market for it...

(My apologies if I misread, but it sounds like you're asking for a mate with zero sex which is what asexual is all about...) :oops:


Of course, if you're talking about someone to ONLY raise a child in your preferred method, you could hire a live-in nanny.


oh, I enjoy sex usually, it's just not very logical to base a family and a life on it. I've definitely considered the live-in-nanny thing, though. I figure if I move to Vancouver, like I want, the demographic composition of the city favors a high likelihood of another immigrant who is a fluent native speaker of Mandarin (~29% of the city is ethnically Chinese) and could teach my children.



Dantac
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05 Jan 2013, 4:34 pm

Ca2MgFe5Si8O22OH2 wrote:
the Ouroboros strikes again! part of my issue is that I'm considering a transition from male to female and consequentially I'm having to reflect on my sexuality and refrain from commitments to people who are exclusively attracted to men if I'm not going to BE a man, physically, in 5 or 10 years.


It could just be you second guessing what he might prefer or not. Just ask him and get the angst over with. If he's ok with it great! If not then at least you know.

I don't know you nor have I seen a pic of you but to my knowledge unless you took hormones from an early age your body would not have the female outline or build. Even highly gracile males that don't take female hormones during puberty have masculine builds..its all in the bones. My point to this is... even if you choose to undergo transition, depending on your body build, chances are he will still find you physically desirable (and thats the whole point of it is it not?). If its equipment issue then again, you'll never know until you ask.


Quote:
Of course, if you're talking about someone to ONLY raise a child in your preferred method, you could hire a live-in nanny.
Quote:
I figure if I move to Vancouver, like I want, the demographic composition of the city favors a high likelihood of another immigrant who is a fluent native speaker of Mandarin (~29% of the city is ethnically Chinese) and could teach my children.


Curious. Why that specific language? (off topic, no need to answer).



Last edited by Dantac on 05 Jan 2013, 11:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ArrantPariah
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05 Jan 2013, 7:55 pm

Ca2MgFe5Si8O22OH2 wrote:
am I crazy? I'm tempted to troll mail-order-bride websites for a lesbian who wants a green card if she'll agree to raise bilingual (adopted or sperm-donated, my genes are sh***y) children with me.

what's your reaction to this idea?


You might consider a woman who already has children.