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Duncan
Snowy Owl
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Joined: 24 Jun 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 144
Location: Colchester, Essex, UK

04 Jan 2013, 7:41 pm

So I've been dating holly for about two months now. It's officially my longest ever relationship which I'm quite proud about but for the last week I've been thinking that it's not working.

By not having much relationship experience I'm struggling to work out whether we're going through a rough patch, we're not a good match or something to do with being an aspie.

Holly is aware that I'm an aspie but I'm not sure she's fully aware of the nature of an aspie. As times are tough I'm not sure how to bring it up in a productive way. I would to explain to her how friendships work for aspie people as she raised concerns about my friends. So she understands that I don't mind being alone. The main we're having is we were spending too much time together because she worries I might be lonely so invites me round instead seeing h're friends and as then she feels I'm clingy.

Advice please



redrobin62
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Joined: 2 Apr 2012
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,009
Location: Seattle, WA

04 Jan 2013, 7:56 pm

That's the problem with being an aspie. We know just how deep its influence is; outsiders just don't get it. My family is threatening to have a reunion this year. We've actually never had a reunion so it will be a big fete. Of course, I don't want to go because I know. five minutes into it, I'll want to bounce. I don't feel like explaining what Asperger's is, and I certainly don't want to hear people saying, "Oh, so you're an aspie, like that guy in Newtown?" I know for my own self that I am guaranteed to slip and say the wrong thing in social meetings that would make me new enemies. And if I'm drinking, even worse.



anneurysm
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Joined: 25 Mar 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,196
Location: la la land

06 Jan 2013, 12:34 am

First of all, congratulations on your relationship success. Let me start by saying that it's natural for others to doubt their abilities to have a relationship, regardless of being aspie or NT...so you're not alone by any means. It seems like Holly is a very caring and considerate partner despite the fact that she doesn't understand your lack of friends. At the same time though, she may be suggesting that you take a risk and broaden your social horizons a bit, something worth trying.

Do you have any interest in a social life apart from her? Are you in school or working? School and work are good places to meet people.


_________________
Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.

My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.