too messed up to even begin again

Post Reply New Topic

I've never had much luck with girls and in fact in my younger years I remember being openly stuborn and outspoken about not wanting to get hitched and be trapped under the thumb, and thinking back to those days I almost wore it as a badge of honour to put other people down as if to say another one bites the dust.In fact I think because of this I would have almost felt defeat if I had brought a girl back to my parents or if people knew me knew that I was dating a girl. I did go out a couple of times with a girl that was related to a male friend of mine in my late 20's although typically it didn't go anywhere due to my aspieness which I wasn't really aware of at the time 14 years ago ,but I just didn't want anyone else involved or to know about her which looking back now is just insane but I just didn't know how to deal with other people regarding me actually having a relationship.Does this make sense to anyone else and I wonder if like me now at 39 years old you think it still effects your relationship ability or am I just nuts?.

I'm 39 as well and it still affects me. I haven't been in a relationship in MANY years. I didn't know I had Aspergers until a few months ago. It does help knowing but now my social anxiety has increased 10 fold. I worry that someone will call me out, not hard with my oddities and quirks.
By nature I am private so I never liked others knowing much about my love life or lack of. Lol. Not sure if that's an Aspie thing or a personality defect.

Having Aspergers does not mean you are "stuck" with behaviors that you cannot change.

A good way to approach situations like this is that every so called "mistake" you have made can be seen as a learning experience. For example, you felt really self-concious of other's reactions to you having a relationship, and this may have ended the relationship as the woman you were with may have seen this behaviour as controlling. Although this was your first relationship and you may have been insecure then, you can learn from it and know to not do this again. Being Aspie does not mean you are doomed to fail at relationships, but that you may need to work on them a little more.