Oh dear!

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There's a company I work at from time to time as a temp. I get on well with the IT guy there, although we nearly got off to a bad start... the first day I saw him he was wearing a Star Trek top with some kind of space-lizard-creatures on it and I told him it was a cool top and he thought I was being sarcastic. But we sorted it out! He's a full-on Trekkie and always wears tops with either Star Trek characters or pictures of space stuff on them and I always give him a compliment on them.

He's a really nice bloke. He always comes and hangs around my desk and chats to me for ages, although he gets into trouble and I get told not to encourage him. I work on reception and the entrance area is very chic, and I guess a big fat Trekkie with haystack hair doesn't quite match the designer decor! (Poor fella!)

Anyway, yesterday I got a call from the other receptionist, she was laughing so hard she could barely speak. She said Trekkie Guy wanted my address so he could send me a Christmas card. She was saying he was mad keen on me and had been asking her every day when I would be working there next. So I said yes, I'd give her the address. And she said Trekkie Guy had told her "I'd love to ask her (me) out for a date, but she's beautiful and clever and out of my league".

Right. But, after much waffling, here's the "Oh dear!" part. I like Trekkie Guy and I would go out with him. We'd probably have a good chat and a nice time. Except for one thing. He doesn't wash. He smells ok for a couple of days and then stinks badly for the rest of the fortnight. And that just isn't something I can get past. Call me picky, but a man has got to wash. End of. It's a complete dealbreaker.

Why does this happen? I meet someone I could like but there is always something in the way. And in this case, it is something that could be so easily fixed.

One of the other lads at work was joking with me about Trekkie Guy liking me and he said TG's upset as he's never had a girlfriend, and they all reckon he's the real-life 40 year old virgin. I said that he probably is, given that you can't get within arm's length of him without passing out from the stink!

What a shame. He's a lovely man, interesting, funny, sweet, can talk to him for hours. And his clothes are always clean and changed every day, his teeth look clean, he's always nicking the hand sanitiser off my desk so clearly not a complete slob. He just doesn't seem to get it that showering every now and again might get him results!

I say go for it! You can teach him to shower.Maybe there is some medical thing going on? I had a teacher ones that was alergic to soap. Maybe thats whats going on?

Lol that's a hard situation to navigate. I agree, I say go for it but try to mention as tactfully as possible that he needs to bathe or use deodorant or something! I don't even know how you'd go about saying that without being perfectly blunt...I wouldn't want to be a part of that conversation lol. It's possible he doesn't know he smells bad...I had a friend who used to have terrible breath but he had no idea until I told him...he fixed it very promptly!

I know, what a terrible subject to have to try and approach tactfully!

For about 3 days in every 2 weeks he doesn't stink, so he obviously knows what soap and water is for and isn't allergic or phobic of either. He just needs to use them more often. Maybe one of the people he moans to about never having a girlfriend could explain to him he might have more luck with women if... but maybe they don't know how to tell him either.

Maybe if you appeal to his heroic side?

have you ever heard the phrase, "Save Water, Shower Together"?

That's a tough one. Perhaps you could compliment him when he *does* smell really nice and he will get the message? Sometimes, and I speak for myself, until someone brings something up, I don't have a clue. Obviously those sensitive issues are easier said than done, but indicating how nice he smells when he does, might trigger him to be more...clean?

I may be a bit of a shock, or not. But ultimately useful for him to know, so really you are being nice.

Perhaps it is better not coming from you, and this might dent his confidence. On the other hand that probably might happen anyway, but he will recover from it. If push comes to shove, I would just tell him, dropping hints isn't really the way to go.

Perhaps one of his male colleagues or the woman that told you about him.

He must be keen on you sending you a Christmas card via post, this is increasing rare especially for non-family.

You're saying he looks clean and acts clean and even practices good hygiene. So why do you assume he doesn't take good showers regularly?

It's highly possible it could be a medical condition. So what would you do then knowing this could be the case?

Here are my thoughts on the mater!
Firstly I think the trek guy is very sensitive and cynical(he was paranoid about your star trek compliment)
With that in mind let's look at the two scenarios

With scenario one if you do not tell him that he stinks then you will reject him. This will upset him, upset and embarrass you, and it will not help him grow. Ultimately this option has no positives other than you not having to put up with horrible scent lol.

With scenario 2- You will tell him that you think he is an amazing guy and despite his believing you are out of his league, you do have interest in him, but there is something you must tell him...then tell him about his smell. At first he will be embarrassed and maybe offended, but if he has any brain cells at all he will take the criticism and try to make things work with you.

If he is as sensitive as I believe he is, then he might let his insecurities overpower his desire for a gf and he will turn against you rather than towards you.

Go with option 2 and kudos to you for giving a fat greasey guy a chance..it honestly doesnt sound like he deserves it lol.

Back when I was last working in an office, there was a guy who started a while after me and had the same problem as your trekkie guy. People tolerated it for a while, though it was often talked about behind his back. Then one day someone had the idea to anonimously place a bottle of shower gel on his desk so he found it when he got to work. It seemed a little cruel to me but he got the message and started showering more often after that. Maybe you could do something similar.

Short of telling him you are potentially goading him, or drawing things out, Of course he will be a bit embarrassed, but the impact will be lessened if done in a considerate way.

I'm back working there again this week and I have to admit I quite like this guy! I think half the office has high hopes for us getting together as well!

We were having a chat yesterday and I noticed he smelt really nice, so I leaned closer and sniffed the air and said "ooh you smell really nice, what's that?" and he blushed and put his head down and murmered about getting a new shower gel for Christmas, so I told him I liked it... then today he was smelling of the same stuff, so it looks like a little positive encouragement is working well!

He did send me the card as well, a massive one, I don't know how it fit through the letterbox!

It's crazy you posted this, CEWH, because I was thinking about this thread earlier at work. I am happy to hear that update.