Do Aspies tend to back away from relationships?

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I think I am severely depressed so I don't associate it fully with AS, I just wanted to know other people's experiences first.

I am not asexual, I do fancy men but the men that I fancy are married, unfortunately. And I have got asked out by men before that obviously weren't married and I gave them a chance but found there was always something about them that I didn't fancy, nor were they my type to look at either.

I have known some NTs to fall in love to a man or woman that they don't fancy at all, just because all their mates or relatives have partners and they are afraid to die alone, and they seem to be able to put on an act and then grow to like them. I can't seem to do that.

When I have a boyfriend, I seem to feel smothered, and I can't be bothered to keep sweet-texting and I find I just don't have the energy for it all. It might be because of my state of mind, how unhappy I feel about myself and how life is, I don't know.

Will I grow out of this soon? Will I find someone I really love one day and fall in love to the point where I don't mind him smothering me? Or is there something wrong with me?

I don't think its so much as we back away from them due to as. I do think however that many of us have a closed off personality and to a degree are afraid of others. That can make getting close to someone for a relationship a hard thing to do (it is for me).

Sounds more avoidant than depressive. I mean avoidant in the attachement-theory way.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PO660ZTs3o[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmO_QliCCOo[/youtube]

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000142 ... 81402.html

And then there's disorganized attachment:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpQtPsuhLzc[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zovtRq4e2E8[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGDqJYEi_Ks[/youtube]

I do back away from relationships but that is becuz I have been lied to alot by women I have tried to have relationships with in the past. I don't necessarily think Its an aspie thing though cuz I used to be very friendly to an almost unrealistic degree. Sometimes I'd even pick up(as in literally picking them up off the ground) people I barely knew and called them my friend. It was mostly cuz of my inability to pick up on social norms.

I think it has more to do with just ones life experience and how that has shaped your view on relationships and what they mean to you.

As far as for you, there isn't really anything wrong with you and if having a relationship realy means that much to you then you will grow out of the rut you probably feel that you are in right now. Believe it or not but alot of NTs go through the exact same thing.

Aspie related issues - eye contact, touch sensitivity, aloofness, difficulty picking up on it when others are flirting, general intensity problems whenever around others generally. Lack of interest or desire to flee from intensity of most social situations.

Anxiety related issues - feeling different and somehow less than. Perceived as different and don't know how to overcome or project confidence in my difference.

Abuse related issues - previous relationships domestic violence issues, ongoing problems with my self concept that my mother instilled in me of not being what she wanted.

As time goes by I feel that my difficulties in regards to relationships are getting worse as bad experiences seem to be multiplied and then compound original issues further.

I was asked out by a guy last week, and I saw him yesterday and immediately didn't fancy him, and I inwardly had a panic attack and felt rather troubled for the rest of the time I spent with him (although he didn't know because I was hiding it) and when I got home I didn't want to text or phone him any more.

i think relationships tend to back away from us

I've always thought Aspies didn't get a in a relationship just for the sake of having one; in addition if someone tries too hard it can send them into a minor meltdown. If they do fall in love, they're usually too shy to say it. These are the reasons I think ;p

Regarding the video:

I used to be an anxious type but now am completely the avoidant type. I didn't realize that until the video. Now the relationship with my ex (also avoidant) makes so much more sense. We always parted, then came together, then parted, came together, ad nauseum. I think we want to come back together but he is afraid to. We've both been hurt a lot.

Thought it might be easier to break this down as followed.

I think I am severely depressed so I don't associate it fully with AS, I just wanted to know other people's experiences first.

I am not asexual, I do fancy men but the men that I fancy are married, unfortunately. And I have got asked out by men before that obviously weren't married and I gave them a chance but found there was always something about them that I didn't fancy, nor were they my type to look at either.
You know who you are attracted to. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to work in your favour most of the time. That's how things work out with me. Very rare you find someone where the attraction and feeling is mutual. So take the chance when it's there.

I have known some NTs to fall in love to a man or woman that they don't fancy at all, just because all their mates or relatives have partners and they are afraid to die alone, and they seem to be able to put on an act and then grow to like them. I can't seem to do that.
Do you really want to do that to yourself? People that do that, I can see their relationships have "failure" written all over it before it even starts if an act is involved. The only exception is if they knew eachother as friends and naturally fell in love with eachother for who they were, not for any other reason. Eventually, the masks couples wear around eachother crumble and they find that they don't really love the person they are with.

When I have a boyfriend, I seem to feel smothered, and I can't be bothered to keep sweet-texting and I find I just don't have the energy for it all. It might be because of my state of mind, how unhappy I feel about myself and how life is, I don't know.
At this point, I usually try and take some space to figure out how I truly feel about the other person. If we can communicate our needs to eachother in an effective manner, then we can move forward (progress).

Will I grow out of this soon? Will I find someone I really love one day and fall in love to the point where I don't mind him smothering me? Or is there something wrong with me?
I am not sure what it is you need to grow out of, you are doing fine You will find someone that you will love one day and both of you will try and make things work out with eachother. And no, there is definitely nothing wrong with you