the average boyfriend vs nice guy

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I never really got this whole nice guy things. aren't most guys nice to women any ways. I mean doesn't the average boyfriends buy things and goes to dinner. he buys them flowers. isn't that nice.
and when you talk to women, I don't think any women wants a man to go up to her,slap her and call her b---.
don't most women want a man to go up and say ''hi,how are you'' and simple things like that.

isn't nice guys just a code word for: the nerdy loser who act nice around women, but cleary no women has any interest in him.
I explain below:
mr.A: is a geek, and smells he knows a girl and is nice her but she hates him because he's a geek and he's smell
she calls him a ''nice guy'' and his offended that some guy like him, ever dream about having sex with her.

mr.B: is semi-popular and has average social skills and is nice the same way that mr.A is nice, however he ends up getting dates and is never called a ''nice guy'', he's is called ''confidence'' by the ladies.
but mr.a and mr.b have same act of ''niceness'' around women.

the point I am trying to make is if you are nice to woman and she like you, you have confidence
and if you are nice to woman and she hates you, you are a nice guy.

That's partly it. There are also the guys who call themselves nice but are only doing it to get laid (and, to paraphrase someone else "complaining as though acting like a decent human being is a huge imposition").
Then there's the fact that women will let people down nicely by saying "You're a nice guy, but...", and some men don't understand that it's just an expression (because "f**k off" is really not polite), or they get it confused with "You're a nice guy, therefore...".

First off, there are at least two kinds of "nice guy" (broadly speaking): There's the genuinely caring and considerate type, who really is a nice guy; And there's the other, fake "nice guy", who pretends to be the first type hoping it will get him somewhere. Being a genuinely nice guy is usually considered a good thing and is one of the things that might actually attract women... but being the fake variety usually annoys or offends them instead. Essentially, people usually like it when someone is considerate of their needs, but only if it's sincere... and they hate being manipulated or used. Often when someone seems considerate of one person's needs but not the needs of most other people, that's a strong hint that they probably have a hidden agenda and are probably the fake variety. Of course, mistakes are sometimes made and occasionally a fake sort gets mistaken for a genuinely nice guy, or a genuinely nice guy comes across as fake. Incidentally, this is true for other kinds of relationships as well, not just for dating.

Second, being "nice" and being "confident" are two completely different things. Confidence is usually considered an attractive quality, but it's got nothing to do with whether someone is nice.

So basically, if you're nice to a woman and she likes you, you might be considered "nice". If she's not interested, you might still be considered "nice", or she might just tell you that as a way to reject you without upsetting you too much.
Whether you're "confident" has to do with how comfortable and direct you are with your approach, not how nice you are or how interested she is. You can be "confident" and still be nowhere near "nice", and you can be "confident" even if she's not the least bit interested.

I don't even use the term "nice guy" when referring to the former, for this very reason. For the genuine type, I use the term "good guy" (if younger) or "good man" (if older). Those terms indicate good moral character. Nothing stops those same people from knowing how to pick up girls/women. On the other hand, "nice guy" is someone who gets rejected all the time, and "nice man" has connotations of being a pushover.

Case in point. When I met a girl on my cruise last year, I know she liked me, because we kissed (and nothing beyond that). Precursors to kissing were ending up on the same ziplining excursion and going salsa dancing after getting back on the ship. The whole time, she never called me or referred to me as a "nice guy". Conversely, I lost count how many times I got the usual "you're a nice guy, but...".

Word of advice for girls/women: Don't use the "nice guy, but..." line when rejecting people. Stick with "I respect you as a person, but I'm not romantically interested in any way." There's nothing men feel more flattered by than respect, and at the same time, respect carries no romantic connotations.

If you are a nice guy and expect something in return, you are not a nice guy.

but that the thing. now if one man pretends to be nice towards a woman, act like a nice guy just to have sex but fails at it,
he is called a ''nice guy'' but if another man also does the same thing but actually succed in having sex with the woman. he be consider a ''player'' or an ''alpha male''

here how I view it
if a man is nice towards a woman for either sex or serious relationship and woman don't like him: he's a nice guy
if a man is nice towards a woman just for sex only and gets sex: he's a player. an alpha
if a man is nice towards a woman for a serious relationship and gets it: he has confidence, a real man, boyfriend.

Nice isn't synonymous with feeling chemistry with someone. Nice is just an adjective. Like cute, or polite. Not all "nice" guys are people I want to date, just like not all 'good looking' guys are.

Nice is such a plain word anyway. Nice hair, nice top, nice flower, nice food.

Special is different.

Anyone can have the ability to be nice, depending what it is *you* consider nice, and what your expectations are. I may be nice to "A", but "B" might have a completely opposite view.

Nice is subjective.

I don't think it's so much that they expect to be rewarded for their niceness, but that they are frustrated at seeing people rewarded for (what they perceive as) jerkiness.

Still, the idea that women prefer a**holes is insulting to women as a whole and to the majority of men.

Making it about niceness is just a convenient way for them to ignore their own flaws. "It can't possibly be because I'm unconfident, or boring, or because I don't take care of my appearance. No, women don't like me because I'm just too good of a person." It's ridiculous.

Nice people have sex, too :p and nice isn't synonymous with jerk or beta male.
As another member said, the word nice is used to cushion the blow from rejection. A guy might use it to reassure himself he is not the problem, and a woman might use the nice guy term to avoid saying anything rude when rejecting said guy or pretty much stating he's not the guy for her.

At this point, as others have mentioned, the term "nice guy" has deviated from its literal meaning. Now, it basically describes men claiming to be "nice guys", when in fact, they are only "nice" because they see it as a means to an end. To them, it's a trade-off: be nice to a girl and she'll give you sex in return. When they are denied this (as they often are), their horribly entitled true natures come out.

By the way, I wouldn't take being called an alpha as a compliment.

true, and the same can be said about confidence too.

ok. man A is jerk but has good people skills and know the ''right way'' to talk to women and can get women in bed with him,
but does not give a sh-- about women

man b is nice, but has horrible people skills and does not know how to talk to women and never dates.

it doesn't matter if a guy is a jerk, nice guy, good guy, bad guy. whoever gets a woman is a man ''who know how to talk to woman'' that it. if a jerk was boring and creepy looking, he would not get a date. If a nice guy is ''cool'' and good looking,
he would get a date. if a woman likes a man (in romantic way) he's has confidence, a real man. if she hates a man, he is wimp,unconfidence.

Or how about people have loads of different reasons for liking people, and trying to simplify something so inherently complex is an exercise in futility?

Last edited by Yuugiri on 08 Feb 2013, 9:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

^^^this, right there.

I probably said it in other threads... But I don't mind repeating the words
Genuinely nice guy is probably a person who actually takes the time to show people he is interested in the other people, regardless of who they are and what they do. Good social skills may or may not matter as long as he knows how to get others to talk about themselves. A quote from another thread "It's easier to make friends in two months by showing genuine interest in other people than it is in two years convincing people to be interersted in you."
Another quote to keep in mind is "If you don't like people, then people won't like your stories." Remember that when someone that has interest in you asks you to tell them about yourself.
Of course the regular nice guy probably doesn't possess such traits and also shows traits of insecurity and a lack of confidence as well. These are qualities that women hate... but they may tolerate the friendship if the guy shows a genuine interest in them and likes people regardless of their lack of confidence. If not, the nice guy is not going to be a part of any girl's life for too long. And another quote I can add to that is "Your dependence on other people only lasts as long as others can afford to tolerate your dependence."

The quotes are from Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People." and Guy Finley's "The Secret of Letting Go"

Yep they're nice to their girlfriend but often act like rude/jerks to other people. Or at least that's how their girlfriend prefers things to be.