I wonder if acts like this one are very common for couples?

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Uprising
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08 Feb 2013, 4:24 pm

Do couples actually oftenly "act" the typical flirty girl angry jealous boyfriend type of thing just to bully a certain male they don't like and give the boyfriend an "excuse" to mess up that certain guy?

Have any aspie males ever been victim of acts like this?



spongy
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08 Feb 2013, 4:46 pm

Uprising wrote:
Do couples actually oftenly "act" the typical flirty girl angry jealous boyfriend type of thing just to bully a certain male they don't like and give the boyfriend an "excuse" to mess up that certain guy?

Have any aspie males ever been victim of acts like this?


I havent encountered people that do so.

That said some partners could have some sort of dynamic like that and it could be somewhat acceptable as long as there was no harm done and they cleared things with the victim in the end.

ie: I met a close friend on thursday. we have this dynamic based on starting a discussion based on anything the sillier the better and making a huge deal out of things among people that barely know us(online based meetings).
That said as we leave we make a point to make it clear that we are just joking(hey we didnt discuss enough silly things so you better come to the next meeting/ whatever)



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08 Feb 2013, 5:21 pm

I think it may come from another angle. The girl wants attention from her tough guy boyfriend so talks to some nice guy till tough guy boyfriend notices it and then she says the nice guy was bothering her and then tough guy boyfriend can do his "thing" of butching up against nice guy "to protect his girls honor".

It's the standard movie plot of were a girl feels supposedly stuck in a relationship with some tough guy "alpha male" but is in love with the nerdy kid from school because they connect better on so much levels so nerdy kid ends up going to this party (at butch guy's house of course because his parents are rich too of course) he would normally never go to only to find the girl standing outside crying because "they had another fight". They end up talking for a while till butch guy comes around the corner asking "What's going on here!", and questions that can only be answered with that she was standing there because either she's totally in love with the nerdy guy or that nerdy guy was pretty much taking her hostage there and at this point in the movie she cannot commit to the love yet so doesn't pick -that- choice so tough guy assumes it's the other and beats up nerdy guy.

In the movies girl ends up showing her love to nerdy guy x weeks and a school play in which nerdy guy totally stole the lead and the party after later, while in reality it's just the over romanticised holly wood version of why "the rich and pretty" can use "you" (the nerdy kid) for their own "social problems".

So yeah, I've been victim of this as well, thinking the flirty girl was "looking for a holly wood way out", while in reality she's not "just a flirty person", as her jealous boykillandattackdog snaps at her when she even smiles at -his- friends and he trusts/believes his friends more than his girlfriend. So she flirts with "outside males", as boyfriend will at least believe her above "those" and then gives her positive attention in reaction to "the flirt moment" as "she was just being nice".

There are many different version of this same thing, but outside the hollywood movie versions I think most are about women asking attention of their tough boyfriends by having them act out the only way she knows he can show her "love" for her; act tough/beat up some guy/"protect her".

So to answer your question; I think if both a guy and a girl didn't like you, they wouldn't together plot to have the girl flirt with you just so the guy can beat you up afterwards. "Hey why don't you go say sweet things and maybe kiss this guy we hate so I can then beat him up, oh of course you'll have to pretend to like him the entire time so he thinks I overreacted once again to your "just flirty" behaviour and that you really feel bad about me doing that again, yeah that'll teach him". Doesn't sound logical to me. To me it sounds like one of these people is playing the other for attention. edit: at the cost of a third person who she must secretly like on some level.



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08 Feb 2013, 5:27 pm

Uprising wrote:
Do couples actually oftenly "act" the typical flirty girl angry jealous boyfriend type of thing just to bully a certain male they don't like and give the boyfriend an "excuse" to mess up that certain guy?


I'ts certainly possible.

I have also seen women openly flirt with guys they know their boyfriends don't like just to get a rise out of the boyfriend / attempt to exert some control over him / make him prove something / show off how tough and possesive their boyfriend is to other girls.

It's manipulative and cruel to both men. Stay away from girls who do that.


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08 Feb 2013, 5:37 pm

B3dsage wrote:
It's manipulative and cruel to both men. Stay away from girls who do that.

On that note, a lot of girls don't actually realize that they're flirting with others. It's just how they are. They don't mean to mislead others. Of course, there will always be manipulative people out there. Just be careful not to judge a girl based on some arbitrary measurement of how "flirty" she's acting.


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08 Feb 2013, 6:48 pm

so the third party gets some unexpected attention, the girlfriend has some fun, and the guy gets to be all macho; everyone's having a good time. Pretty standard stuff, no different than when guys attempt the dream of getting girls to fight over them. I don't see what's so special about this scenario :?


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Uprising
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08 Feb 2013, 7:21 pm

bucephalus wrote:
so the third party gets some unexpected attention, the girlfriend has some fun, and the guy gets to be all macho; everyone's having a good time. Pretty standard stuff, no different than when guys attempt the dream of getting girls to fight over them. I don't see what's so special about this scenario :?


To be honest I was talking about the "acting" part, which means they're just role playing (aka faking) the whole flirty girl, jealous boyfriend thing just to screw over the other guy (bullying him), doesn't mean they're actually really fighting over it internally, they still love each other, but they loathe the other guy and want to hurt him, which is kind of a personality disorder type of behaviour to me, not humble.



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08 Feb 2013, 7:25 pm

Yes, I used to know a girl like this. She'd accuse girls of flirting with her boyfriend so she could start an argument with them, and accuse other men of flirting with her and try to get the boyfriend to start a fight with him.

Men seemed to love her. I got tired of her very quickly and refused to hang out with her.



bucephalus
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08 Feb 2013, 8:17 pm

Uprising wrote:
....
To be honest I was talking about the "acting" part, which means they're just role playing (aka faking) the whole flirty girl, jealous boyfriend thing just to screw over the other guy (bullying him), doesn't mean they're actually really fighting over it internally, they still love each other, but they loathe the other guy and want to hurt him, which is kind of a personality disorder type of behaviour to me, not humble.


Sorry, i got slightly distracted from the original question. My answer: I think those situations are few and far between. I don't think couples would need something so elaborate to screw over their mutual 'friend'. A long time ago I vaguely remember hearing a news story involving a couple that murdered a close friend of theirs, that's a parallel albeit extreme


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08 Feb 2013, 11:29 pm

bucephalus wrote:
so the third party gets some unexpected attention, the girlfriend has some fun, and the guy gets to be all macho; everyone's having a good time. Pretty standard stuff, no different than when guys attempt the dream of getting girls to fight over them. I don't see what's so special about this scenario :?


Not really... Hapless Harry getting hit on at the bar may be having fun UNTIL Andy Alpha drags his knuckles up to the bar and starts acting all threatening and aggressive... maybe even hurts the guy or roughs him up for just some fun emotional distress.

We know it happens, but I'm hoping it's rare. :?



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09 Feb 2013, 4:17 am

BlueMax wrote:
bucephalus wrote:
so the third party gets some unexpected attention, the girlfriend has some fun, and the guy gets to be all macho; everyone's having a good time. Pretty standard stuff, no different than when guys attempt the dream of getting girls to fight over them. I don't see what's so special about this scenario :?


Not really... Hapless Harry getting hit on at the bar may be having fun UNTIL Andy Alpha drags his knuckles up to the bar and starts acting all threatening and aggressive... maybe even hurts the guy or roughs him up for just some fun emotional distress.

We know it happens, but I'm hoping it's rare. :?


Yeah. Far from fun for the guy/girl who has spoken to or smiled at someone in passing and then finds themselves being threatened with violence.

Needless to say it's not something I'd ever be impressed by. If a man I were with got nasty with someone who spoke to me, I'd wallop him. Nah, joking, I wouldn't hit him, but I'd tell him In No Uncertain Terms what I thought.



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09 Feb 2013, 6:23 am

I've heard of people doing it before, but I've never experienced it personally from anyone that I know.



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09 Feb 2013, 6:41 am

Had something like this happen in school. The guy tried to fight me, and I gave him a black eye. :lol: In retrospect it was kinda funny, because I didn't say hi to his girlfriend anyway, and she just came up to tell me how much of a nerd she thought I was. The guy mistook it for something else, and.....that happened.


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09 Feb 2013, 6:57 am

this super bowl commercial is totally the opposite, where the nerdy guy actually kisses the hot girl, then the "alpha male" gives him the black eye

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANhmS6QLd5Q[/youtube]


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