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Disclosure on Dating Sites

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gordonsill7
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09 Feb 2013, 5:30 pm

If I set up an OKC profile, and/or a POF account, would you advise we disclose the Asperger's if it's mild on the profile 'about me'? Or would you wait until you get a response, and mention it via private message?



Tyri0n
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09 Feb 2013, 5:37 pm

gordonsill7 wrote:
If I set up an OKC profile, and/or a POF account, would you advise we disclose the Asperger's if it's mild on the profile 'about me'? Or would you wait until you get a response, and mention it via private message?


The only reason to do that would be if you want to attract others with Asperger's Disorder. Otherwise, it's just a turnoff because people may make assumptions about you that are not true. Currently, I have it on my POF profile but not on my OKC profile. I set both up pretty recently though, so I can't tell you how it's worked.



eric76
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09 Feb 2013, 5:38 pm

I wouldn't do it at all.

If the wrong people know you are Autistic or have Aspergers, it may enable them to use the condition to their advantage by helping them know how to manipulate to get what they want from you.



Tyri0n
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09 Feb 2013, 5:57 pm

eric76 wrote:
I wouldn't do it at all.

If the wrong people know you are Autistic or have Aspergers, it may enable them to use the condition to their advantage by helping them know how to manipulate to get what they want from you.


Since OP's not using his/her real name, I don't see how that would be a problem. The worst case scenario, OP, is that no one will be interested in you because you have a disorder. The best case scenario is that some lovely member of the gender to which you're attracted has the same condition and is interested in you because of your disclosure.



paris75007
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09 Feb 2013, 6:22 pm

I wouldn't disclose to anyone until you are sure you want to have a relationship with them (after you have gone on several face to face dates at least -- though I'd wait a couple of months). There are people that exist in the world who are on those sites in droves who can use that info to their advantage in manipulating you. Yes, you are anonymous on the site, but what about after you have met? I wouldn't want a stranger to know that I can't always tell when someone is lying to me. When you do decide to disclose, if they know you first, it's not going to be that big of a deal. If they don't know you very well, that might scare some people away because of misconceptions they might have.



starryeyedvoyager
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10 Feb 2013, 4:32 am

Maybe past experience has made me bitter in this regard, but I've stopped telling people about my AS. Mental disabilities (while I don't consider myself disabled, it is - legally speaking - considered a disability where I live). I will tell a potential partner after she got to know me well, because then she is less likely to label everything I do to my AS. I am not good at reading people's faces, but if even I can see the disgust, fear or senseless pitty in their eyes when I tell them, it has to be quite severe. I'd rather have people think I am an idiot than have them think I was mentally handicapped.


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Last edited by starryeyedvoyager on 10 Feb 2013, 4:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

Tyri0n
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10 Feb 2013, 4:34 am

starryeyedvoyager wrote:
Maybe past experience has made me bitter in this regard, but I've stopped telling people about my AS. Mental disabilities (while I don't consider myself disabled, it is - legally speaking - considered a disability where I live). I will tell a potential partner after he got to know me well, because then she is less likely to label everything I do to my AS. I am not good at reading people's faces, but if even I can see the disgust, fear or senseless pitty in their eyes when I tell them, it has to be quite severe. I'd rather have people think I am an idiot than have them think I was mentally handicapped.


I think most friends (even not close ones) tend to be surprised, interested, and admiring when I tell them about being autistic as a child and growing out of much of it. I don't think most people view autism like they do crazy stuff like bipolar disorder, and I don't really seem weird in person, just awkward and shy (hopefully loveably awkward to some people!).

Then, it makes it easier to ask them questions about body language, and they undersand why I ask. Someone gave me a really good explanation of mirroring the other day, and it started after my disclosure.



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10 Feb 2013, 6:23 am

My answer: it depends if you're looking for something long term or not. I think it's personal. It depends whether you consider autism to be important. I don't


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