Giving aspie girl a gif for Valentines day

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So I've been hanging out with this aspie girl and we get along quite well. We're not officially dating, but I was thinking of getting her something small for valentine's day (she really like Barnes & Noble) so I thought maybe a small (like $10) gift card for Valentines day. What do others think about this? Will it maybe give her the wrong message??
Suggestions/opinions?

it very well might give the wrong impression. better to wait and give it for her birthday or just anytime with a card saying you appreciate her friendship.

Before you give anyone of the opposite (or same, if you're gay/bi) sex a gift for Valentine's Day, you need to know exactly what your relationship status is. Giving someone a gift for Valentine's Day symbolises that there is some form of reciprocal romantic relationship - and speaking as an Aspie girl, I would be very uncomfortable if a male other than my boyfriend/fiance (we're not officially engaged but everyone including ourselves sees us as such) gave me a Valentine's Day gift. I was once given a small gift on Valentine's Day by a guy I saw only as a friend and it freaked me out a little.

Maybe talk to her before Thursday to establish the exact nature of your relationship? Then go from there?

If you feel inclined to get her something, at least make it something light or funny, not something overly and traditionally romantic, like roses or chocolates. If it's just a little gag gift that makes her laugh, that's got more of a casual and friendly feel to it, so you won't need to worry about things getting awkward if she doesn't reciprocate.

Invite her for some coffee or somewhere, anywhere. let yourself be the gift

Bad idea. Gift giving should be about the other person, not you. Inviting somebody for coffee is nice if it's about them (like you're shouting her the coffee for example), but probably not the best idea on Valentines day because it would be construed as being a date.

I agree with the idea of giving a small gesture that's funny or friendship oriented - shows you care about them without giving them the wrong impression (like a single flower or cute little bunch of flowers (not too large and definitely no roses) and a card saying thanks for being a great friend, or perhaps a little chocolate bear/little soft toy or something). I think giving a card or gift-tag referring to friendship is a good idea because it makes your intentions clear.

Or ideally giving something related to an in-joke between you would be good.

I was thinking more of a general friendship-type card (like a "thinking of you" card) and a gift card to the bookstore (so nothing Valentines Day-associated).

The problem is, as for gauging the relationship / friendship status, it's sort of hard for me to gauge that. She seems to have opened up to me a bit more (we've hung out a few times so far) and she talks more about herself, etc. She actually came out and flat out told me she has Aspergers (although I already knew from soneone else anyway, but I didn't tell her that...). She also told me the typical aspie traits (not being able to read body language very well, etc). Does this mean anything???

But anyway, back to the gift idea... so a simple card and a small gift card is too much (neither of which mentions VAlentines day or resembles it)?

I've decided to wait. I already sort of gave a hint (don't know if she got it, although I did say it to her directly). I think that a special occasion might be a better time to give her something. She will be graduating in a few months, and her birthday is a few months after that.

The more I think about it, if I give her something now (or near Valentines day; before or after) she may take it the wrong way just because it is pretty close to Valentines day.

I do agree that the coffee thing may be seen too much as a "date" rather than as a "gift." And at least the gift card is something she will use and probably enjoy (whenever I decide to give it her).

I think that I should maybe gauge where we are in terms of a relationship first (just friends or something more), and then take it from there......

Well what is the "wrong way" that she may take it? You like her and want to let her know... is there any other way for her to take it? I think that when people are saying she may take it the wrong way they really mean she may reject your advance. In which case, you must think about whether she would be rejecting it because of the type of advance you're making (based on the idea that a valentines day gift is may be inappropriate) or because she just is not interested.

The possible outcomes are:

You give her a gift:
-She is interested in you and appreciates the gift (good)
-She is interested in you but feels the gift is awkward (bad)
-She is not interested in you but appreciates the gift and begins to become interested (good)
-She is not interested in you and feels the gift is awkward (neutral)

You do not give her a gift:
-She is interested in you, but you have another opportunity (good)
-She is interested in you and you do not have another opportunity (bad)
-She is not interested in you and continues to be not interested (bad)

Assuming that all possibilities are equally likely, you have a 50% chance of a desirable outcome if you do give her a gift. You only have a 33% chance of a desirable outcome if you do not. Also, you should account for the value of finding out of she is not interested in you, so that you may pursue someone else. This is why the fourth possibility I listed as neutral rather than bad. With this view, you have a 25% possibility of a negative outcome if you go give her a gift, whereas you have a 66% possibility of a negative outcome if you do not.

If you accept my model of the dilemma as valid, the logical decision would be to give her a gift.

How old are you? if you're adult then a $10 gift might appear as too cheap.

Yes, I don't know why I wrote that... I was thinking more like $20 or $50, but also, I don't want her to feel any obligation either (sometimes I think when you give someone a "large" monetary gift--especially if you're still in the "friends" stage--they feel as if it's expected that something come from it, which is not my goal. right now.)

I'll put this out there too.: she's independent in the sense that she likes to pay her own way (which I know doesn't mean that people don't like gifts), but when we hang out, she usually wants to pay for her own meals, drinks, etc (except for small things don't bother her like a cup of coffee or something like that). For example, the other day, we went to a nice steak house restaurant and she wanted to pay for her meal. She's told me that she doesn't want to be seen as one of those girls who uses their friends for money, and I don't see it that way. I told her that I wanted it to be a treat for her, since she is still in her last year of school and is only working a part time job, which doesn't result in a whole lot of income.

Usually I'll offer to pay for stuff, but if she insists on paying for something (her own meal, for example), then I will let her (partially because I don't want her to think that I feel sorry for her or something like that...). I mean, there have been ocassions where she will let me pay, or maybe she'll want to leave the tip herself.

So, I guess, I also don't want this gift to seem like an obligation to her, and I also don't want her to be concerned if it's a large amount of money because of that. So,I was thinking that $20 might be more appropriate. If we were officially dating, then I think it would be different, and larger amount would sort of be expected or appropriate.

I agree with this logic.

In that case, Catmint is right, you relationship status is too unclear yet.

it looks to me like you are still just friends, and i feel that you would need to be very explicitly clear that you have feelings for her before you started to buy her presents or anything. otherwise you may have a confused aspie on your hands, wondering what this means for her friendship. she may be less confused by open communication than by a gift that needs an explanation attached to it.

one thing i want to caution you about - when you are going out for coffee or dinner with her, make sure that if you are going as friends, you are not paying for her share (during this time period that she doesn't know how you feel and nothing is official) - unless you normally always do that for other friends too. otherwise, it creates ambiguity. right now, as far as she knows, she is just your friend, so if you start treating her otherwise without open communication of such, it can lead to mixed messages and misunderstandings.

when starting something with an aspie, i tend to feel it's usually best to speak plainly and openly.

That message sounds like it should sent to somebody diagnosed with a serious illness (like a "with sympathy" card) or diagnosed with a serious illness.